Sinking Deep Within

Healing is an ongoing process. And I do believe the full complete healing is possible through the atonement of Jesus Christ. But it is still a process. I feel like a took a few steps back this weekend. Not allowing myself to think of certain things and trying to keep my heart and mind centered. But sometimes the fight is hard and I am tired. You just have to sit with your feelings no matter how painful and let those emotions move within me. I sink deep within my body and mind and take deep breaths. I am focused on what the pain is and calling upon divine help, because I know that I can't do it alone. This is hard for me. I don't like emotion and feeling most of the time. Most times I wish that I could just pull my spirit out of my body for a few minutes. But I know that in order to become like our Savior and to deeply connect with others, I need to connect with myself first.

It's not the worst.

Love YOUR Body

I spent a good chunk of time looking at myself in the mirror. Then I broke down in tears and put on the baggiest of clothes and laid there in a mess on the floor. He always talked about how Provo is obsessed with having a beach body. Then he made the assumption that I had a beach body. I told him no. He dismissed my response and asked when we'd hang out. 

Every thing about this conversation triggered the self-conscious part of me that hates my body. But why did I give him power to do that to me?

After an ugly cry, I came to my senses. I wiped away those tears and picked myself off the floor and began to recite my positive affirmations. 

I am a Daughter of God. I radiate the Light of Christ. I am beautiful. God created me. I love my body. I love my curves. I have a beautiful body, full of energy. God only will I serve. My body is working this very minute to do the Lord's will. I am beautiful!

I felt a power within myself come alive and my very frame was strengthened with so much conviction. When you recite truth,  you will feel your spirit confirm it. It's a beautiful experience and one that I will continue to do.

Love YOUR body! You were made by a God who loves you. He created you in His image. You are beautiful, no matter what anyone else thinks. Your body is beautiful just the way it is. And don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise, because they're not worth your time. 

Can you imagine how God must feel when we express any kind of dissatisfaction with our bodies? He created you in HIS image. He wants us to love our bodies and treat them with respect. I'm trying to ingrain this in my mind by telling my body, "God only will you serve." This helps me keep me focused on the beauty and purpose of my life. 

Love your body, m'y friends. Your body is beautiful and divinely made.

Free-write: Late Night Thoughts (part 2)

It's night time and my corner of the world is quiet, so a free write if you will.

Everyone heals differently. I've been coming across many individuals who strike me with so much strength as they endure hard trials. Their way of healing intrigues me. Some turned to religion. Others turned to therapy. Some even put forth all their energy into making their dreams come true. All of these things are great. 

I've always believed that true healing comes through the atonement of Jesus Christ. And I still do. That's what works for me. But I've had this admiration for anyone who has healed by other means and have found so much joy. Good on you! Everyone is uniquely different and healing comes in different forms. Everyone deserves to be so deeply happy in this life! And when you truly find it, don't let go!

Love Letters #16

"I think it's interesting how the heart knows when something is wrong. I recently had a boy share his feelings with me and told me that he loved me. And as I sat there feeling my heart pound, I could not extend the same sentiment nor utter the very words. My heart knew it was not right. And even when my mind has been confused, my heart knew. I loved someone else. I was reminded of what love is. It's a lot of different things, but to me it's genuine kindness. It's caring deeply for someone and putting their needs above yours. It's keeping them in your thoughts and thinking of what you can do to serve, love, and support them. My heart knows. And I trust it. So for now, I'll keep those three words to myself until my heart lets me use them for you."

Last entry: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/12/love-letters-15.html

Mother Eve

My admiration for Eve rushed in when I went through the Temple for the first time back in 2015. I was overwhelmed with love and gratitude on a deeper level for her. Growing up, I had an understanding that Eve was duped into partaking of the fruit. The word "beguiled" seemed to give off that idea.

"Dr. Nehama Aschenasy, a Hebrew scholar, said that in Hebrew the word which is translated as beguiled in the Bible does not mean "tricked" or " deceived" as we commonly think. Rather, the Hebrew word is a rare verb that indicates an intense multilevel experience evoking great emotional, psychological, and/or spiritual trauma. As Aschenasy explained, it is likely that Eve's intense, multilevel experience, this " beguiling" by the serpent was the catalyst that caused Eve to ponder and evaluate what her role in tbe Garden really was." (The Gift of Giving Life: Re-discovering the Divine Nature of Pregnancy and Birth, pgs.2-3)

I believe that Eve pondered and understood with so much depth her role in God's plan of happiness. She is the Mother of All Living! She was foreordained to fill that role and she fulfilled it with grace!

"In his vision of the redemption of the dead, President Joseph F. Smith saw the prophets assembled in paradise: "Among the great and almighty ones who were assembled in this vast congregation of the righteous were Father Adam, ...and our glorious Mother Eve, with many of her faithful daughters who had lived through the ages."

 I loved her role as Adams wife. She loved him deeply and covenanted that she would stand by his side. She was a strength to him. I can only imagine how deeply Adam loved and trusted her as he also chose to partake of the fruit. Together they covenanted with God and through the storms of life, they prevailed. This beautiful, woman of God fulfilled God's will for her and I wish to emulate her example. I just love her!

Fresh Love & Devotion

Recently I felt that a chapter in my life was ending and I needed to do all that I could to wrap it up. God urged to me to do some hard things. I became very vulnerable in so many aspects of my life. Some were easy, others were hard, but I did it. As this chapter ended and a new one began, I felt a shift in focus. My heart was focused on God and Jesus Christ. My desire to heal and to align my will with God's became my priority. I felt a fresh love for myself, God, Christ, and those I deeply loved. I felt a joy that seemed to consume my heart. I constantly repeat the affirmations:

I am a daughter of God. 

I radiate the Light of Christ. 

I am beautiful. 

I am brilliant. 

I am loved.

I am happy!

Each time I recite these truths, I feel my spirit come alive and drink it all up. I feel these truths imprinted on my heart. I feel myself radiating light and have others have pointed this out not even knowing what I've been doing. Tapping into my higher self has helped me see myself as a beautiful, woman of God. It has also opened my spiritual eyes and see others as their higher self. I can sense just a taste of how much God loves His children. 

I'm all in. This fresh love and devotion to my God has opened up this new chapter so beautifully. I am becoming.

Free-write: Women's Conference

My spiritual canteen is already brimming and I have so many thoughts. A free-write if you will.

LDS General Conference has officially begun! Women's conference was absolutely stellar! I did my daily meditation beforehand, so that I could have a clear mind and heart. This conference is different for me because I actually have questions. It's so important for me to have my mind and heart in the right place, because I desire personal revelation.

It began with a bang! I only had one burning question for this session and Sister Jean B. Bingham answered that in the first two minutes! She spoke of using the light of the gospel to see others clearly. During my healing process (which you can read here and here.), it has been absolutely vital for me to see my higher self. Keeping my covenants and doing what I should be doing has been the solution. Because I've been doing this consistently, I have found that I haven't been shaming myself as often. I view myself differently. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to do my best. I prayed beforehand for ways to see others differently. What was the solution to that? Charity.

"And no one can assist in this work except he shall be humble and full of love, having faith, hope, and charity, being temperate in all things, whatsoever shall be entrusted to his care." -D&C 12:8

 Can you imagine how differently this world would be if we all had charity? It's the pure love of Christ! That's powerful! If we spoke more positively about each other and encouraged each other, I believe people would react differently. Life is hard. At the very least, we can share Christ-like love to each other. We all came here for the same purpose. It's not a race to the finish line.

Sister Bingham went on to talk about one of my very favorite things. Progression. The beauty and reality of the gospel of Jesus Christ is that anyone can improve. It's through the atonement of Jesus Christ that makes change possible. I love this truth so much, because it gives me hope. We're all trying to do our best in this life. And gosh! This life can just really suck sometimes! We're all humans having our own human experience. We struggle. We make mistakes. We're not perfect. BUT. We can consistently try to improve every single day, multiple times a day! I've personally found that God cares more that I'm sincerely trying to be better. There really can be sweetness during the bitterness of life! We were not sent here to fail! We have each other! We can embrace improvement in each other! We can love and support each other.. If we have charity, we're more kind, patient, humble, and seek the good in others. Sister Bingham encouraged us to commit to work together and to embrace the beauty in each other.

Sister Carole M. Stephens really hit it on the nail and talked about the healing power of the atonement of Jesus Christ. She urged all of us to recommit ourselves to the Savior. No more hiding. No more covering our sins. No more feeling alone. Her call to repentance and commitment to God and our covenants, was so moving to me. She had such tenderness in her voice as she spoke of the atonement of Jesus Christ. She recited the sweet words that Jesus Christ spoke to the Americas:

"Will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?" -3 Nephi 9:13

I've always loved this verse, because here's Jesus Christ extending an invitation for healing. And every time I read this verse, I can't help but feel the ache of His plea. He wants to heal us. He will meet us where we are and gently holds our hand through the chaos of life. You don't have to carry your burden alone. You don't have to suffer alone. You are not alone!

I've written before about how I am still finding my Savior here. The past few weeks, I've been able to find Him more. Cleansing my inner vessel can only be done properly if I turn to Him. I had to move past my selfish tendencies and cling to Him. I haven't felt lonely. In fact, I've felt the sweetness of His love. It's purifying. It's a driving force in the right direction.

Do you feel His love? Do you hear his plea to let Him heal you? My dear friends, I testify to you that your Savior, Jesus Christ wants you. He loves you. He's walked your path, felt your sweetest joys and bitter pain. The first few steps towards Him, may be hard, but I promise you that they will ultimately change your course. His love is fortifying and will strengthen you in the best way. Because of Him, you can change. You can become your higher and best self. He knows and sees the divinity within you. He will always help you. All you have to do is open the door.

My heart is literally bursting with joy as I think about the goodness of God! You know I love my God more than anything! He is my Father in Heaven and my relationship with Him means the world to me. This session of conference really hit home to me. I needed a reminder that God's perfect plan of happiness was prepared beforehand. All because of love. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf reminded me that I can't change God's will, but God will empower me to do His will. I can testify that is true, because I've personally seen this in my life recently. I've been doing hard things and making a lot of changes, because I am trusting the path he has set before me. My faith in Him has been strengthened each day as I continually choose to follow Him. Has it been easy? Absolutely not. However, my faith in His plan for me is what's keeping me going. He's never forsaken me.

Earlier this year, I went through a really hard trial. Because of my faith and love for my Heavenly Father, I was never mad at Him. I never blamed Him. I knew He had a plan for me. But gosh, it was hard! Looking back, I can clearly see how he prepared the way for me. I'm where He needs me to be. Honestly, I'm so happy where I am. I'm in a good place, because of Him.

Dear friends, I testify that your God knows and loves you. He sees you as the divine son or daughter of God that you are. You are His. Literally. He created you in His image. He created a beautiful plan of happiness all because He loves you and wants you for eternity! Like President Uchtdorf said, God will never force you to follow Him. He didn't do that in the pre-existence and He won't do that now. But He will always love you. He will always be there for you. He will always help you. You're worth it to Him. I can't really fathom the great magnitude of love He has for me, but I have felt His love and I can testify that it is so good. God is good, He is oh so good.

All good things. It's never the worst when you have God and Jesus Christ on your side! Just sayin'!

Heart & Mind

Whew. Being sick has opened a lot of time to think. And I mean not even an escape to Stars Hallow or Green Gables could distract me. I've been praying for an open heart and mind for a while now. Meditation has been my key to that door. Ridding myself of my frail natural tendencies and imprinting self-love and peace. I feel more connected with my God. I feel more connected with higher self. It has calmed me during times where anxiety would storm.

Personal Revelation has been flowing so sweetly and flawlessly. It's been intense, but gosh, so wonderful! Having a glimpse of where I need to be and adjusting my course to follow suit has been so much easier. I truly believe that God's plan is perfectly set before us.

My mind will storm at times and I can feel my heart working double time to calm my mind. The heart knows best, because it feels peace. My mind constantly asks, "What if I'm wrong?" My heart will say, "God has it figured out. Let's keep trusting Him and His peace." My mind calms down and then the two are unified. More personal revelations flows and I feel more enlightened.

Truth is fortifying. The more we seek for truth, the more enlightened we become. My desire for truth has slowly been satisfying and fulfilling. When my my heart and mind are open and connected, I find myself strengthened in many ways. I feel steady on my path even though I cannot see it at times.

It's not the worst. All good things.

Finding My Savior

I struggle to find my Savior sometimes. I trust so fully in God that I think that is enough. Deep inside I know that I can't have one without the other. The two make an eternal pair that help me reach my eternal destiny. I try to hold on to the times where I have deeply felt His love.

The other day I was thinking about why I have such a tendency to brush Him aside. If I truly love my God and trust Him, then shouldn't I be able to fully trust my Savior? I've always heavily relied on my God to help, comfort, and provide for me. A part of me feels like if I begin to rely on Christ more, then I won't have a balanced relationship with Him and God. I know, that sounds ridiculous. Another part of me, maybe a bigger part, is that I feel unworthy of His love and mercy. (Satan is a jerk!)

I've made a goal to read the New Testament, because reading stories of Jesus and His life, seemed like the right idea. A story that has always been my favorite, is when Jesus comes to Mary and Martha as they feel deep sorrow for the loss of their brother Lazarus.

"Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.

 When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,"

 And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see.

 Jesus wept.

 Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him!" -John 11:32-36

 I love this raw emotion that it pained the Savior to purely see how Mary was feeling, but also that He too lost a dear friend. I best find my Savior when I too feel deep pain. It seems the older that I get, the harder the trials are and the deeper the pain has become. Through that heartache, I find Him. I imagine Him seeing me cry and He too crying with me as He did with Mary.

I'm not perfect. I'm human. But even He understands the human part of me and the joy that perfection will be if I hold true. I'll keep searching for Him daily. I'll keep trying to see His hand in my life each day.

I will always find Him, but even better, He never lost me. He has been with me the whole time. I just wasn't paying attention.

Very grateful for second, third, and millions of chances to try again and improve.

It's not the worst. All good things, my dears.

 

 

Plain and Precious Truths #6

"Behold, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou art an elect lady, whom I have called."

"Murmur not because of the things which thou has not see, for they are withheld from thee and from the world, which is wisdom in me in a time to come." 

"And the office of thy calling shall be for a comfort unto my servant, Joseph Smith, Jun., thy husband, in his afflictions, with consoling words, in the spirit of meekness."  

-D&C 25 3-5

Emma Smith is one of the women that I look up to. She's a strong woman who endured through much pain and affliction. I can't imagine being in her shoes and having to carry the burdens that she had. I love this chapter in Doctrine and Covenants, because it was revelation specifically for her. I had a tender moment as I read this chapter, because it I could feel the love that God had specifically for her. God saw her as His precious daughter. Amongst all the pain she went through, God was with her.

I absolutely adored that she was called to be a comfort to her husband. Seriously, relationship goals right there. More than anything, I desire to be there for my (future) husband to love and support him. Emma was a solid example of that as she supported Joseph Smith through such horrendous times. I believe Emma is an example of continuing to follow the Lord, even through so much heartache. She truly is an elect lady and one that I admire so deeply.

Read the last entry of the series here: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/07/plain-and-precious-truths-5.html

Here's a beautiful song about Emma Smith sung by Katherine Nelson.

Never had an ordinary day,

never lived your life in an ordinary way.

For everything  you loved, you paid a price,

But you couldn't let the world see your cry.

Never had a moment of peace,

never felt the sunlight, when your worries set you free.

Every time your life turned a page,

it seemed like your heart might break.

Chorus:

With the world on your shoulders, when the nights had grown colder,

you seemed to weather every storm with a Queen's grace.

And when you lost your husband, when you buried your children,

I'm sure the angels stood in reverence as your prayed.

How much can one heart take?

How much can one heart take?

Never had a day to call your own.

when so many needed your warm heart as a home.

 Whispering a mother's lullaby, as you sat alone by the fire.

Chorus x 2

I'm sure you heart breaks, when some people still say

somewhere down the line you lost your faith.

How much can one heart take?

How much one heart take?

Never Too Late

It's never too late to adjust your course. It's never too late to start again. It's never too late to do good. It's never too late to reach your goals. It's never too late to do His will. It's never too late.

I constantly remind myself that it's never too late for me. I'm only on God's timetable. He will guide me to where He wants me to be. He will guide me as I fulfill my goals and ambitions. It's never too late.

All good things.

Exhausted

Breaking down barriers is something I've been working on. I build it up and burn it down. Lately the fire has burning and burning, but nothing was coming down. And when I finally gave up in frustration, a wave of emotion washed up and completely exposed my soul. I felt oddly relieved, because fighting has been exhausting.

I'm exhausted emotionally, physically, and mentally. I'm tired of hating myself. I'm tired of trying to be someone I'm not. I'm tired of hiding myself. I'd normally be so focused on covering up my insecurities once they are exposed, but I just can't do it anymore.
.
I received a lot of personal revelation last week. It was beautiful and powerful. And then Satan came and kept whispering his little lies in my ear. I didn't appreciate that. The pressure was just beginning to be too much and I gave in. I crashed and burned.

Today I decided to go to the Temple. I felt exposed to the Lord, but I felt a peaceful feeling come over me as I sat there and pondered everything. I knew that God knew that I was exhausted. . I could feel my Savior, beckoning me to come unto Him. Surely in Christ there is rest for the soul. I need Him, especially now.

I'm too tired to fight. So I'll hold the Lords hand and let Him fight with me.

It's not the worst. All good things.

Plain and Precious Truths #5

"O how marvelous are the works of the Lord, and how long doth he suffer with his people." -Mosiah 8:20

These sweet words brought so much peace into my heart. We don't nor have we ever suffered alone. Even when we often feel that, we truly never were or are alone. I testify to you that your God and Savior, Jesus Christ know you. They love you. Through the atonement of Jesus Christ, no one suffers alone. Ever. Christ knows you. He understands you. His love for you is priceless. "Oh sweet the joy." You are not alone, my dear friends. You are not alone.

Last entry: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/06/plain-precious-truths-4.html

Today

...was not by best day. Tired eyes. Tired brain. I hate the feeling of being tired. I'm literally running on 10 hours of sleep since Sunday. I've noticed how frustrated and disappointed I am when I come home from work recently. I feel stupid and insecure. But today. Today was the day. I just wasn't understanding as quickly as I usually do. I was on the verge of tears all day. I left work and came home to a good ugly cry. Tomorrow's another day to try again. But tonight, I will cry myself to sleep.

It's not the worst. All good things. This is life.

Hi, there!

Did you have a wonderful Fourth of July? I sure hope you did! Now, I know, you're probably upset, because I told you that regular blog posts were coming and if you haven't noticed...I totes lied. I'm sorry. Life happened. But...here I am. I got up early for you guys. I even showered for you guys. (PSA: I shower every day so...no stinky here!)

I've had some really great moments the last few weeks. I haven't been posting much on social media. I've just been living and relishing moments in my life. I've seen some beautiful sights, worked hard, spent time with loved ones, and doing things I love. It was therapeutic and much needed. Also, last month was birthday month and I turned 26. I realized that I wanted to spend more time doing things I love and being with those I love, than just letting the days pass by.

Sometimes you gotta take a break. It's not a crime.

This picture was taken from the Y mountain parking lot. It was beautiful evening and my friend and I drove up in her mini van. We ate our dinner of Chick-Fil-A and watched the sunset. It was beautiful and I couldn't put my camera down. We said goodbye to the day and welcomed nightfall as we sat on a rock. I felt peace and my heart was literally brimming with God's love and goodness.

My friend and I had a beautiful "heart to heart" moment. We talked about trials, overcoming, trials, and the Gospel. I thoroughly enjoyed it, because this friend of mine is like my soul-sister. We have struggled with some of the same trials and there we were having this raw moment.

May I tell you about this girl? She's a beautiful lady with an old soul. She understands raw emotion. She's stronger than she'll ever admit. And she's smart, that girl! Her love for classic rock and people are just a few things that make her great.

I believe friends come and go during different phases in my life. God knew that I needed her friendship at this specific time in my life. That gives me all the feels! When someone comes into your life, let them show you love. Let them be who they are and let them in. (Unless they're a jerk--then kick them to the curb! You don't need that!) Friendships is the BEST ship!

A moment of stillness

Yesterday after church, I laid very still in bed. I prayed to the Lord for a while. Hashing and re-hashing everything has been something I've been doing a lot lately. I could feel my heart beating. It felt heavy, but this time it felt like a different heavy. I'm not sad about anything. I am stressed, but I'm still alive and pushing through. I laid there for a while just taking deep breaths and talking to the Lord laying very very still.

I know the Lord is preparing me for greater things. I know this, because it's not just a feeling. It's literally the amount of trials I've had in the last two and a half months. Hard trials followed by sweet blessings. This month is one of those moments when I don't even know where I'm going to be by the end of the month. I still need to find housing. I'm still working at my new job. I still have obligations and responsibilities that need to be met. I've applied for second job that is right next door to the job I work at currently. So many things are up in the air right now. But I'm still being pushed to follow the Lord and do His will. And with all of this, I need the atonement of Jesus Christ now more than ever. 

All good things. This too shall pass. Come what may and love it. It's not the worst.

HAPPY 41ST ANNIVERSARY MOM & DAD

Dear Mom,

One winter morning, you played outside with me in the snow before I had to go to Kindergarten. I remember that moment so vividly, because I remember thinking how I didn't want our playtime to end.

There was one school field trip that you came to and a girl in my class was being mean to you. I remember being soooo mad at her! How dare she treat you with such disrespect! And then when the field trip was over you asked my teacher if I could go home with you instead of stay at school. She said yes and I was so excited to go home with you.

I woke up one morning to find you asleep on my floor. What you don't know is that I had just awoken from a nightmare in which you and I were in an argument. (Those are the worst nightmares of all.) And there you were sleeping on my floor. Come to find out that you slept in my room because I  was whining in my sleep. 

Do you remember that time I received an award at some Polynesian academic thing? You went out of your way to ask the girls how they straightened their hair. You did so much to help me find a way to have straight hair. Then for my sweet 16, you took me to get my hair chemically straightened. It mostly worked.

I don't think you know how much it meant to me that you were my escort when I went through the Temple. That is one of my most cherished memories. You were there as I made sacred covenants with the Lord. I couldn't have made it there without your love and support.

I think the best thing of all is that you are not the same mom you were back then. You're different. You're more gentle, kind, and loving. You've changed, mom. I've seen you grow spiritually, mentally, and emotionally over the past few years. And the times I thought you were going to be mad about something that I did, you treated me with kindness. You're not a perfect mom. And I'm glad that you're not. Seeing you grow and become a strong woman has helped me see that change is real. You've been so accepting of me. You've been so loving and kind as I am trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do. I have a strong testimony of the Gospel, because you instilled that in me. You're beautiful, mom. Thanks for being you. I love you!

Love, Marlisa

Love Letters #9

"I think being vulnerable for me has become an act of love. I say this, because I can be a very closed off type of gal. I locked my secrets behind a door. And I'm really good at hiding them. When I share a very vulnerable part of me, it's because I deeply love and trust you. That's how you'll know that I love you. Your kindness, love, and openness will show me that you love me. If you're going to have me, you're going to have all of me. And that is a lot! But if I can count on you as my confidant, first sounding board, kind, thoughtful, and caring husband, then being vulnerable with you is worth it. Because I want to be that for you. I want to be there for you and love you. I want to accept all of you- flaws included! I want to stand with you through all seasons of life. And when we reach that eternal destiny, everything we endured together will be worth it. That's deep love to me."

Here is the last love letter: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/04/love-letters-8.html

Raw Human

I'm not a loser or weak, because I choose to feel. I'm a human who is allowing herself to feel. Who is allowing herself to be completely raw. And for a few moments, I'm not going to have a care in the world what you think. I'm just going to allow myself to have a human experience that others choose to neglect. I'm not weak. I'm not admitting defeat. No. In fact, I see myself stronger than those who choose to ignore their feelings. You may see that as a "holier-than-thou" attitude. But we were given emotions and raw experiences to shape and strengthen us. I can't stand in the fire and not feel the burning affects. I will cry out. I will grieve loss. I will grieve from trauma. And then after my moment has passed, I'll get up and dust myself off and continue my journey.

I am a human in acceptance of my human experience.

God Lives

I read what has become one of my favorite books, "More Than The Tattooed Mormon" by Al Carraway. It was late one evening and I wanted to read a new book. I came across this book and felt a pull to read it. So I did. And you guys!!!! I love this book with all my heart! There was so much written about my favorite person: God. If you haven't noticed *hint hint: my labels section* you'll see that God is the biggest and most popular topic. Reading this book was not only a page turner, but the Spirit testified to me again that there is a God. So here I am to talk to you and share with you my thoughts and testimony.

I know that there is a God. I know He created you and I. We're so lucky to be His. And gosh darn it, we are lucky, because He is not just a God. He is a Father. We are so lucky to have a Father who sees us, who knows us, and wants us. I know that God lives. I've found that Heavenly Father picks up  the slack where others are lacking. People are imperfect, but God is PERFECT! He is there! Always!

 I know He loves you. Just like He loves me. If there's any power that God has, I'd say His love is the most powerful! His perfect love never changes and yet it changes us!  Even right this very second, He is aware of you and loves you deeply. To be honest, there have been times when I felt like God didn't love me I didn't feel like I deserved love. And a lot of that was shame that I felt. I felt like I wasn't worthy of His love. I have made soooooo many mistakes and if I don't even love myself, then why would God love me? Have we not all been there? (Let's be real, I'm not the only one who has thought that.) The best way for me to feel God's love is to pray.

Speaking of prayer, I know that prayer is our greatest source to conversing with Him. Oh does He love it when we pray. Forget the proper way, just talk to Him! He just wants you to talk to Him. He wants to help you and He is ready to! But sometimes He wants us to come to Him. Whether it's asking for help or comfort or in gratitude. Just talk to Him, because a Father/Child relationship is so precious and important! Some of my most heartfelt moments are when I kneel before the Lord in deep, sincere. I open up my heart to Him. Being vulnerable is hard. But those moments when I can put my guard down and expose myself to the Lord, I feel peaceful. I feel loved. I feel worthy of His love. I feel His kindness and warmth around me.

One of my favorite songs is titled, "Just How I Am" sung by Laken Quigley. It's from the EFY 2014 album and this song (and album) is amazing!

[PRESS PLAY]

Just How I Am

-Laken Quigley

When I'm alone, I can fall to my knees 

And I know that He'll always be there.

When I'm surrounded and I call out His name,

 I know He will still hear my prayer.

Though I'm in a world full of people,

And I'm only one in the crowd,

No, He'll never forget me, 

He's always up there looking down.

Chorus:

And He knows me,

He knows me.

And He holds me,

In His hands.

Yes, He knows me.

And He loves me,

Just how I am.

Just how I am.

When I'm in need, when I'm falling apart, 

He will always be right by my side.

Patiently waiting for me to reach out

He just wants to be part of my life.

Even when I think I know better.

Even when I do something wrong.

He'll always help me through it,

Yeah, He's been there all along.

Chorus

And no matter life may bring, no matter what comes

I will always know who I am and where I belong

Chorus

He knows me and He loves me

Just how I am.

Just how I am.

I feel like it's easy to not believe in God or turn to Him, because we've experienced times when we've felt jaded. You don't want to get hurt again. Or perhaps it's because you can't physically see Him, so how on earth could He be real? Here's my advice, if there is anything that I could urge you to do, it is to first ask God if He is there. (Prayer works!) I promise you that He will answer you and you will know that answer! If you don't really know Him, then I urge you to get to know Him. Open up your scriptures, study His characteristics. That's what got me started. And pray, pray, pray!!! Again, I promise you that God will answer you!

I've always heard that you should make God your priority. And I understand that, because when God is your priority, life doesn't seem so bad. I feel like regardless of what is thrown my way, I will get through it. I admit it's not always easy to turn to Him. (I'm so stubborn!) But I always end up turning to Him and He always rescues me! Always! Everything will be okay so long as God is there. God is real. God is good! I love Him! I don't think I could truly describe to you my love for Him, because it's- I just love Him!

You have a God, and He is yours!

-Al Carraway

I wrote #always next to this sentence in her book, because it speaks truth! God is always ours just like we are always His. Happy Sunday and may you feel God's love for you on this Sabbath day!

For more information on Al Carraway, check out her blog here! I always love reading her posts. You can also check out her book! I encourage each one of you to read it, because it was THAT good!