God First

I left work right at noon, because I had things to do.  (This whole week is a busy one!) Anyways, I grocery shopped like a boss (meaning I was in and out), ate lunch, and had my dessert in the oven for my relief society activity within an hour. Then I heard a knock. She came to visit unexpectedly and asked how I was doing. I turned around and looked at my messy kitchen. Garbage can overflowing, dishes in the sink, flour all over the counters...yikes! I asked her to pull up a chair while I got to cleaning up. We chatted and by the time we were done, it was nearly 5:00.

Where had the time gone? There were so many things on my to-do list and I only had two hours to cram in five hours of work. (#firstworldproblems) So I went about getting things done and then it was time to stop by to pick up my friend for the activity. Again, where did the time go? I wasn't feeling it. I wanted to drop off my dessert and quickly excuse myself.

All those worries were quickly diminished as I sat at the sticky picnic table admiring the beautiful, strong sisters I was surrounded by. I didn't care that I didn't even get half of my to-do list done. I cared more about the women in my ward. This feeling of love came over me and I knew it was God telling me that His daughters are so very loved. I could see how brightly they radiated the light of Christ. We're all different, but we all laughed and enjoyed each others company. And gosh, I haven't belly laughed that hard in sooooooooo long! It was very cathartic!

Today didn't go as I had originally planned. But I promised God that I would put Him first. So if talking with a friend for a few hours is what He wants, then I'm ready. The to-do list will never be as important as God's will for me. I needed today. I needed humility. I needed friends. I needed laughter. (I needed those ice cream sandwiches at Macey's for $1.49/box. I resisted, but you know I haven't stopped thinking about them.) Anyways, God first. Even when you're busy.

It's not the worst.

Eyes That See

Whether in passing or in conversation, I choose to look at you with eyes that see. I'll look at you with wholeness. Like Heavenly Father and Mother do. I'll admire your heavenly glow and the light that shines in your eyes. I'll remind myself over and over that you are a child of God.I'll pray for you and ask God to watch over you. I'll tell you I love you. Why? Because you are a whole, during all seasons of your life. I'll always choose to look at your higher self, because you are a child of God. You are divine. You are worthy of love and all that God has to offer. I choose to cheer you on, because you and I chose to come here for the same reason. I'll support you. You are whole through and through.

Fresh Love & Devotion

Recently I felt that a chapter in my life was ending and I needed to do all that I could to wrap it up. God urged to me to do some hard things. I became very vulnerable in so many aspects of my life. Some were easy, others were hard, but I did it. As this chapter ended and a new one began, I felt a shift in focus. My heart was focused on God and Jesus Christ. My desire to heal and to align my will with God's became my priority. I felt a fresh love for myself, God, Christ, and those I deeply loved. I felt a joy that seemed to consume my heart. I constantly repeat the affirmations:

I am a daughter of God. 

I radiate the Light of Christ. 

I am beautiful. 

I am brilliant. 

I am loved.

I am happy!

Each time I recite these truths, I feel my spirit come alive and drink it all up. I feel these truths imprinted on my heart. I feel myself radiating light and have others have pointed this out not even knowing what I've been doing. Tapping into my higher self has helped me see myself as a beautiful, woman of God. It has also opened my spiritual eyes and see others as their higher self. I can sense just a taste of how much God loves His children. 

I'm all in. This fresh love and devotion to my God has opened up this new chapter so beautifully. I am becoming.

Women Need Women

I have a special privilege to associate myself with some wonderful women each week. The Spirit is so strong. I look at these women and have so much love for them. Being able to be in their presence has been something I've needed. I've gotten to know them on such an intimate level. They're strong and beautiful.

I truly believe that women need women! We understand each other in ways that men don't. We feel for each other in ways that men don't. (I'm grateful that men balance us out though!) Perhaps that's why we have Relief Society. So that women can come together to love and strengthen each other. 

Relief Society isn't the only place though where women can bond. Even associating with my roommates has been a joy. Gosh, I love them. We all get along so well and it's been so good for my soul to laugh. (And be weird!)

I love when my very best girl friends and I get together. We can have serious conversations while still adding humor to balance it out. We laugh and laugh and laugh. It thoroughly rejuvenates my soul and my canteen is literally brimming with goodness. I feel like my best self. I feel loved. I feel safe and secure.

There's beauty in being a woman of God. Can you imagine if each of us came together in unity and love? The things we could accomplish and the amount of love that could be felt!
Women need women. We just do.

“We are all in this together. We need each other. Oh, how we need each other. Those of us who are old need you who are young, and hopefully, you who are young need some of us who are old...We need deep and satisfying and loyal friendships with each other. These friendships are a necessary source of sustenance. We need to renew our faith every day. We need to lock arms and help build the kingdom so that it will roll forth and fill the whole earth.” ― Marjorie Pay Hinckley

Heart & Mind

Whew. Being sick has opened a lot of time to think. And I mean not even an escape to Stars Hallow or Green Gables could distract me. I've been praying for an open heart and mind for a while now. Meditation has been my key to that door. Ridding myself of my frail natural tendencies and imprinting self-love and peace. I feel more connected with my God. I feel more connected with higher self. It has calmed me during times where anxiety would storm.

Personal Revelation has been flowing so sweetly and flawlessly. It's been intense, but gosh, so wonderful! Having a glimpse of where I need to be and adjusting my course to follow suit has been so much easier. I truly believe that God's plan is perfectly set before us.

My mind will storm at times and I can feel my heart working double time to calm my mind. The heart knows best, because it feels peace. My mind constantly asks, "What if I'm wrong?" My heart will say, "God has it figured out. Let's keep trusting Him and His peace." My mind calms down and then the two are unified. More personal revelations flows and I feel more enlightened.

Truth is fortifying. The more we seek for truth, the more enlightened we become. My desire for truth has slowly been satisfying and fulfilling. When my my heart and mind are open and connected, I find myself strengthened in many ways. I feel steady on my path even though I cannot see it at times.

It's not the worst. All good things.

Exhausted

Breaking down barriers is something I've been working on. I build it up and burn it down. Lately the fire has burning and burning, but nothing was coming down. And when I finally gave up in frustration, a wave of emotion washed up and completely exposed my soul. I felt oddly relieved, because fighting has been exhausting.

I'm exhausted emotionally, physically, and mentally. I'm tired of hating myself. I'm tired of trying to be someone I'm not. I'm tired of hiding myself. I'd normally be so focused on covering up my insecurities once they are exposed, but I just can't do it anymore.
.
I received a lot of personal revelation last week. It was beautiful and powerful. And then Satan came and kept whispering his little lies in my ear. I didn't appreciate that. The pressure was just beginning to be too much and I gave in. I crashed and burned.

Today I decided to go to the Temple. I felt exposed to the Lord, but I felt a peaceful feeling come over me as I sat there and pondered everything. I knew that God knew that I was exhausted. . I could feel my Savior, beckoning me to come unto Him. Surely in Christ there is rest for the soul. I need Him, especially now.

I'm too tired to fight. So I'll hold the Lords hand and let Him fight with me.

It's not the worst. All good things.

Hi, there!

Did you have a wonderful Fourth of July? I sure hope you did! Now, I know, you're probably upset, because I told you that regular blog posts were coming and if you haven't noticed...I totes lied. I'm sorry. Life happened. But...here I am. I got up early for you guys. I even showered for you guys. (PSA: I shower every day so...no stinky here!)

I've had some really great moments the last few weeks. I haven't been posting much on social media. I've just been living and relishing moments in my life. I've seen some beautiful sights, worked hard, spent time with loved ones, and doing things I love. It was therapeutic and much needed. Also, last month was birthday month and I turned 26. I realized that I wanted to spend more time doing things I love and being with those I love, than just letting the days pass by.

Sometimes you gotta take a break. It's not a crime.

This picture was taken from the Y mountain parking lot. It was beautiful evening and my friend and I drove up in her mini van. We ate our dinner of Chick-Fil-A and watched the sunset. It was beautiful and I couldn't put my camera down. We said goodbye to the day and welcomed nightfall as we sat on a rock. I felt peace and my heart was literally brimming with God's love and goodness.

My friend and I had a beautiful "heart to heart" moment. We talked about trials, overcoming, trials, and the Gospel. I thoroughly enjoyed it, because this friend of mine is like my soul-sister. We have struggled with some of the same trials and there we were having this raw moment.

May I tell you about this girl? She's a beautiful lady with an old soul. She understands raw emotion. She's stronger than she'll ever admit. And she's smart, that girl! Her love for classic rock and people are just a few things that make her great.

I believe friends come and go during different phases in my life. God knew that I needed her friendship at this specific time in my life. That gives me all the feels! When someone comes into your life, let them show you love. Let them be who they are and let them in. (Unless they're a jerk--then kick them to the curb! You don't need that!) Friendships is the BEST ship!

25 Years and eternity to go!

I was looking at my Church records and guess what?! I was sealed to my family 25 years ago TODAY!

"Before this world was your family was called from the great councils of heaven. Your family is not an accident. This has come by the design of your Father in Heaven. Our Father in heaven has assembled families because of the strength, growth, interactions, and most certainly the influences of righteousness given to others." 

This is a direct quote from my patriarchal blessing. I know that it's true. My family is very close. We're not a perfect family, but we grow and pull together. I would say that the glue in our family is our Faith. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the center of our family. My parents, especially my mom, has done a wonderful job at teaching us the gospel. My siblings have gone on to find their spouses and marry in the Temple. They teach their kids the same principles my parents taught.

We support each other and we love each other. Being the youngest of six kids, I've watched each one of my siblings grow up and progress in life. I've seen some of their trials and have watched them overcome them.

One thing I have loved is watching my brothers, brother in-laws, and my dad use their Priesthood power to bless our family. They take it seriously. They honor and respect their Priesthood. In a dark world, the Priesthood is very much needed. It's sacred power has saved my family during hard times.
I've also loved watching my sisters, sister in-laws, and mom become moms and a grandma! It's so fun to see them raise their children. And gosh, I am so grateful to be an aunt to 16 nieces and nephews! They are so vibrant and full of life!

Families truly can be together FOREVER! That's a beautiful blessing that this gospel offers! Oh sweet the joy!!!

Prayers for the World

I had a raw moment yesterday. There weren't any tears, but my heart became heavy. There have been two earthquakes in both Japan and Ecuador. Houston, TX has flood warnings. I took a moment to sit down and process. All those people who are facing devastation and suddenly my problems didn't matter anymore. So I've been praying for them. And not just them, but the world. Pain is real. Life happens. Sometimes the rug is snatched from under us by things out of our control. But...

there is joy and peace that come when we turn to God and our Savior, Jesus Christ. Oh how God is very aware of His children. And Jesus Christ, He understands purely how each individual feels. Especially in these times of devastation. I'll be praying more for the world. I'll be praying for those who hard hurting. Those who are facing loss. Those who are hungry and tired. Those who feel they are lacking guidance. Those who are suffering. I will pray that others may feel hope during this hard time. God bless this world and may we all take time to pray for those in need. There is strength in numbers, my friends. May we reach out to those around us who need.

Always with Love

***Note: The events of this post happened yesterday, even though I'm posting this today.***

I've been running into grumpy people.. Stressed out people. Insecure people. Depressed people. Imperfect people. And don't get me wrong, I have fallen into these types of people lately. So here is how tonight went down:

A dear friend of mine and I went to the grocery store. We parked a little crooked, but still in the lines. I could get out of the car just fine. No problems. And then the woman who was parked next to us and her kids came into the picture. 

And a bit of hell broke out.

She was angry and the few words I caught were, "Parking, seriously?" She paired that frustrated tone with a look to match! Yikes! I heard her open the door and in a cold tone tell her kids to squish. I walked over to see her with the door open more than enough for her kids to get in. And my friend offered to move her car and fix the parking. I didn't hear a reply from this woman, so it didn't happen.

I was angry and confused, but my parents taught me respect, so I quickly, but kindly said, "We're so sorry! I hope you have a good night." And off we went. And don't get me wrong, I was angry that this woman would not only act that way, but do it in front of her kids, and then talk to her kids in a rude way. I walked into that store impatiently, when suddenly a thought came to my mind: You don't know her. Pray for her.

As I walked up and down the aisles putting food in my basket, I kept replaying the whole scenario in my head. And then I started thinking about how I don't know know her. I don't know what her day, week, month, year, or life has been like. Maybe today has been a rough day. Maybe she's a tired mama, who just wants to get home. Maybe she's hurting, stressed, or depressed. Maybe she was in a hurry and our poor parking job made it harder for her back out. I don't know.

And then I came home and shared my frustration with my roommate. Frustrated again! And then again, the Spirit slapped me in the face. You don't know her. Pray for her. And just like that, He was gone! Guilt and shame really started to settle in.

So tonight, I knelt down in prayer and poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father. I asked for His forgiveness for my negative attitude. I asked forgiveness for being stubborn. I asked forgiveness for not praying for this woman right away. Then my prayer became all about this woman and her family. I prayed that they would be blessed with good health. I prayed that the Spirit would go and comfort them. I prayed that God would continue to watch over them. I prayed that my heart would be softened. I prayed that I could be more understanding of other people and asked God to help me.

The Spirit came and filled my heart with love. Love for this woman that I don't know. Love for her children. Love for everyone who may be hurting or struggling right now.

I made a promise to myself and to God that I would be more understanding and kind. I would show love and compassion to everyone that I come in contact with. I promised to strive harder- more than ever before- to share Christ-like love with everyone. Even those who hurt me. Even when I don't understand.

So to the woman at Smith's grocery store around 6:10 pm on Tuesday, January 26, 2016, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for the whole situation. I'm sorry the car was parked crooked. I'm sorry I was internally frustrated and gave you a lame apology. I'm sorry your kids had to squeeze to get into your car. I'm sorry that I had negative feelings towards you. I'm sorry that my actions affected you. I'm really sorry. I wish you and your family the best in life. May God continue to watch over you and bless you with so much goodness!

On a similar note: I taught Relief Society this last Sunday about following the Spirit and always having Him as a companion. It was based on this talk given by President Henry B. Eyring from October 2015 General Conference. I needed that lesson. What happened tonight was an opportunity to obey the Spirit. I guess you could say that I obviously need more practice. And I now know that it's so important to have the Holy Ghost as your companion ALL the time. The Spirit will always teach you (correct me), comfort you, and guide you. Here's to striving to be better.

Connected to Him

I had a small moment of gratitude for my Savior, Jesus Christ last Sunday. I was feeling all sorts of emotions and anxiety. I felt so disconnected from the people around me, my family, and myself. So when the sacrament came around, I really wasn't feeling it. And then I realized why it's important to take the sacrament. It's a time where I can so intimately and deeply connect with Him. That changed my whole perception and I partook. I felt so deeply connected to my Savior. It was a humbling experience that brought a lot of peace to my hear. It was a small moment, but it really testified to me how important my Savior is to me. He knows me, He knows my pain and my joy. He gets it. I'm so eternally grateful that I can connect to Him. I've posted a video below of violinist and YouTuber Lindsey Stirling. I love this video, especially her sweet testimony of Jesus Christ at the end. Enjoy! Merry Christmas!!!

***For those of you who may be unfamiliar with the parable of The Ten Virgins, you can click here to watch the video clip or read it here.***

[Image source here]

I taught Relief Society this last Sunday about spiritual and temporal welfare. Due to the time constraint, we briefly went over temporal welfare and ended with a video clip of The Ten Virgins. My heart broke as I watched the five foolish women stand outside the door of the Bridegroom. Can you imagine being told that you do not know Christ and having the door shut in your face? All because you were unprepared? I don't want to know what that's like. And I don't want you to know what that's like!

I needed this reminder, not just temporally, but spiritually! Oh this is the time to prepare to meet our maker! I am always having to remind myself to more fully give my will to God. And sometimes it's hard. I feel like even at my young age, I'm so distracted by all the big decisions that I need to make that I fail to remember that my life should be in the service of God. Am I ever grateful for second and third chances that are given to humble myself and get back on path.

I want to be prepared for that day! I want to be a strong woman of faith who has withstood the evils of the world. I want to be there when He comes again in His glory. I want to be able to look back at my life knowing that I had tried my best and had done what the Lord asked me to do. I want to be able to have those memories of being the Lord's vessel in bringing others unto Christ.

Prepare yourself spiritually to be an instrument in God's hands. Oh how he will bless  you both spiritually and temporally! Through God you can do all things! Ancient and modern-day prophets have testified of this truth!

I promise you that you don't want to be one of the five foolish women outside the Bridegrooms door! You don't have to be. You weren't destined for that. You were destined for glory! Eternal life is worth it! We can prepare for it! And we can have it! Through Him, we can have it! We have all the tools to help us get there. We can endure to the end by careful and prayerful preparation!

When our paths crossed...

Personal Credence: I believe that there is no harm in following even the smallest of promptings. If you feel it, DO IT.
***

I once read that if you feel prompted to do something, DO IT! Here's the catch, it doesn't have to be a big impression; if you have even the slightest thought or feeling, DO IT!

I've been doing this. It first started off small and the more I've been doing it, I've been realizing how many good things I think of that I just quickly dismiss. For example, I often think that I should read my scriptures for a little bit or send a text to someone telling them I am thinking of them. I've been trying to be more obedient to those things.

The other night, I woke up early in the wee hours of the night and had a thought that I should go to the Temple. I thought about it and then went back to sleep. Much later in the day, near the close of my shift at work, I had the thought again that came with a sense of urgency. I gave in and went right after work. After the session, I typically sit in the Celestial room for a while to gather my thoughts and pray, but I didn't this time. I sat there for maybe 5 minutes and then decided to go home. I bundled up and started walking out the door. The walk home began and I walked quickly in the crisp fall air. I had been following this girl and if anyone knows me, I like to keep distance from people, so I crossed the street. After I was a little half way to my apartment, the girl crossed the street and we were walking side by side. So as per usual, she starts talking to me. What I thought would be a brief conversation, turned into a wonderful conversation that ended with a hug. She was the sweetest girl alive! We talked about everything from books to dating to Buzzfeed food experiments! She was radiant and had a bright feeling about her. I felt so grateful to be in her presence and so grateful to know her. The silly thing is, I can't remember her name for the life of me. But I do know she lives a block away from me and as we parted ways, she and I hoped we would run into each other again.

She was the reason that I was supposed to go to the Temple. I was supposed to meet her and am I grateful that I did. I may not ever see her again, but I am grateful that our paths have crossed. She was probably just being her friendly self, but what she may not know is that I enjoyed being in her company. I felt so good being in her presence and feeling her light. It really lifted my spirits and I was already pretty happy.

There are going to be times that you're going to do something that you might not be sure why. That's okay! Just trust yourself. If you feel or think of something good to do, however big or small it is, DO IT. There's no harm in doing good. Happy Thursday!

Deeply Ingrained

There is a "tugging" feeling that I feel quite often. It tugs my heart when I feel doubt, pain, or confusion. My heart knows the truth, but oft times my mind struggles. My heart gently tugs my mind back to the truth. Even through the deepest pain, my heart knows the truth. My heart has ingrained the gospel of Jesus Christ as it's energy source. My heart has saved my life many times, because of this energy source. That energy source is always replenished as I continue to live my life through obedience. It's replenished through heart-felt prayer. It's replenished through a loving God and Savior, Jesus Christ. What started out as sliver of faith, made a remarkable and sustainable difference. It flows through my body and when it reaches my broken mind, it soothes and heals. It reminds my mind the purpose of my life here. It reminds me of the joy that I have tasted, because of my firm testimony of the gospel. Peace is restored, testimony is strengthened, and my heart and mind are one yet again. I believe I know that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. It brings true purpose and joy in a world that seeks to dictate what purpose and joy should be. It heals and soothes the deepest cuts. It provides a fortifying love and faith, that you cannot find elsewhere. So when that "tugging" feeling comes, I embrace it. To me, it's a sweet reminder from God letting me know He loves me and is still there. That means the world to me. And you know what? I know that God and Jesus Christ love you. That's something to smile about. Happy Friday!

Love letters #2

"Every now and then I see an old couple walking hand in hand. Their frail, wrinkled fingers laced together, could possibly be the cutest thing ever. It makes me think of us in our ripe old age and still in our "newly wed" stage. It's these few moments that make me grateful for you. We're both still being refined and that's okay. I can wait a bit longer if needs be. Let it be in God's hands. He always takes good care of me and I know He takes good care of you. He promised me that and He always keeps His promises. Keep going, sweetheart. We're going to make it! Renew your faith in God. I've been doing that and it's made a difference. It's helped me be more patient. So here I am, waiting patiently for you. I love you." [December 2014]

 

Time for Her

I spent Thursday with my lovely mother at home in Highland. Wednesday night was a long night for me. I ached to be home and God knew that. Home is a sacred and safe place for me and my mom is the woman I look up to most in my life. She's a rock of woman, that mother of mine! No doubt God knew who was to be my mother in this mortal life. She is a strength to my family. A mother's love is the most genuine and special love that one could ever have. (Next to Gods love, of course. But they're pretty similar, aren't they?)

I was laying in bed, all warm and cozy underneath my covers earlier today and I got to thinking about Her. I don't often think about Her, because She's rarely mentioned. She's so sacred and special, that God protected Her good name. But I couldn't help thinking about my Heavenly Mother. I've been told through blessings that I have some of her precious and divine qualities.

Being buried in my warm blankets, it got me thinking about how great it would be to be with Her. I imagined just the two of us on Her big bed. It's got the most comfiest quilt and the bed is so soft. I would lay there wrapped up in that big quilt, with my head in her lap as she stroked my hair. I could tell her anything. We'd have girl talk. She'd listen to me intently as I quietly cried to her about my heartaches and struggles. She'd laugh as I told her funny stories and she'd give me loving counsel.

As I laid in my bed, I felt this overwhelming warmth and love encompass me. I then began to pray and asked God to tell Her that I loved her and felt Her love for me. It was pure and perfect. A "heart tapping moment" if you will. (Heart tapping moments are those precious tastes of what heaven/eternity is like.)

I can't wait to hug her one day. She must be a wonder of a woman! God is very lucky to have Her by His side! I truly believe that each one of us, have divine qualities from our Heavenly Parents! Each unique, but compliment each other so perfectly. They are the true examples of how a marriage and a relationship between husband and wife should be. She must be the perfect wife to Heavenly Father. She supports Him alongside with each one of their children. They counsel together and are so involved in each of their children's lives.

How precious, isn't it? That She cares just as much as He does about our own lives. That She is just as involved as He is! She is rooting for me every step of the way. She wants me home. She wants to have those mother/daughter moments with me. She knows what it's like to have struggles. She knows what it's like to feel rejection, low self-esteem, having wayward children. She knows the pain that comes with periods, miscarriages, having children with disabilities. She know's what it feels like to be lonely. She know's what disappointment feels like. She also knows the joy that life can bring. She too has a strong testimony of the gospel. She too has walked the long road and She made it!

She's my Mother. She's your Mother. And She loves you and She loves me. Wow. I'm grateful for Her. Words could never fully express how grateful I am for her. She is an example to me.