Love Letters #17

Patience is needed.

Waiting for you to connect.

One day it will end.

Read last entry in series here: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2017/05/love-letters-15.html

Love Letters #16

"I think it's interesting how the heart knows when something is wrong. I recently had a boy share his feelings with me and told me that he loved me. And as I sat there feeling my heart pound, I could not extend the same sentiment nor utter the very words. My heart knew it was not right. And even when my mind has been confused, my heart knew. I loved someone else. I was reminded of what love is. It's a lot of different things, but to me it's genuine kindness. It's caring deeply for someone and putting their needs above yours. It's keeping them in your thoughts and thinking of what you can do to serve, love, and support them. My heart knows. And I trust it. So for now, I'll keep those three words to myself until my heart lets me use them for you."

Last entry: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/12/love-letters-15.html

Love Letters #15

"Today's #LIGHTtheWORLD is about showing compassion and it got me thinking about raw emotion. Something that I've become more familiar with as I go through this life. I think one of the most satisfying and fulfilling moments you can have with someone is showing love on a raw, emotional level. And while you may not fully understand how the other person feels, you feel with them as best as you can.

I was once talking with a friend about marriage and the type of man that I wanted to marry. I think my list has evolved from a long complicated and unrealistic list to a very short, simple one.

• A man who honors and respects his Priesthood.
• Sense of humor
• Kind, thoughtful, and caring
• Emotionally intelligent supportive

That last one doesn't mean anything big. I don't want a psychiatrist or counselor. It just means one who will show compassion during those times when others are having a very human moment. Often times, it's easy to feel uncomfortable during those moments when others are being vulnerable. I know, I've been there on both sides! Or there will be times when we just brush it off and tell someone it's going to be fine without really hearing them. I just want someone who will love deeply during those raw moments. I feel those moments and I don't need you to fix it. I just want you to love me through it and to show kindness and patience. 

That's how Jesus Christ is, especially during His life here. He comforted so many who suffered their own raw pain. He loved them through it. He does that with us now. His love and mercy is always there for us. Christ-like love encompasses compassion, mercy, love, and charity. It is the very healing balm that can soothe any weathered heart. 

I really want that for our marriage. I want to emulate Christ-like love to you. I may not perfectly understand everything, but that's fine. That's what Jesus Christ does. But I can love you through it. I can be patient with you and hold your hand. We weren't meant to be alone. We were meant to love and serve each other during all seasons of life. 

I'm not asking for perfection. I'm just asking for compassion."

Read last entry here: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/12/love-letters-14.html

Love Letters #14

"I was thinking about identities the other day. It's been ingrained so deeply that I am a daughter of God. But the more I thought about this, I realized that this was the solid foundation of my true identity. The other identities that follow are just added layers. And here's what I came up with:

(Future)Wife/Mother by Priesthood sealing power

Rock by adoption

Samoan by blood

Daughter of God

The layers of identities build upon each other and are all connected to the foundation. If that foundation were to weaken, because of my unbelief, then I truly forget who I am. It's become so important for me to truly understand and love each part of me. It's something that I want us to instill in our children. I want them to know who they are and where they come from. Their foundation, like ours, should be that they are a child of God. That knowledge has the power to pull them through anything that comes their way. It has for me. In a loud, dictating world, I have found peace in knowing who I am. It's carried me through some of the hardest times. ...Also, I think we're going to be good parents, even though the thought of it scares me. That's all."

Read the last entry: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/11/love-letters-13.html

Love Letters #13

"I think one aspect of love that I've found to be so enveloping, is the fact that it's simple. I feel like the worlds idea of love is to be this fairy tale perfection blown out of proportion. I think there should be simplicity in love. It's meaningful. It doesn't have to be dramatic. It's finding simple ways to say and show your love for the other. It's letting them know that they matter to you. I don't know. I just like this idea of keeping love simple."

Love Letters #12

"I've been refined so much the past two months and I feel so good. It's been hard, but gosh, it has been so good! I feel like I'm becoming more true to myself. I'm accepting myself and that's something I've always struggled to do. My relationship with God has been getting stronger through this journey and I love Him so! I know He has a lot in store for us, so I make sure I pray for you on the daily. Sounds cheesy, but I ain't playin'! I pray that your relationship with God is being strengthened. I pray that your heart and mind are open to Him. I pray that you are also being refined. I pray that you feel constantly feel loved. I pray that you are doing the Lord's will. If we're going to do the Lord's will, I know that we both need to be refined individually and love God more than anything! I'm convinced we're becoming the dream team! That's cool." 

Read the last entry in this series: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/09/love-letters-11.html

Love Letters #11

"I knew when I was ready that I would begin to feel a shift. I wasn't picturing a big wave of emotion, just a calmness. A nice push in the right direction and here I am. Cleansing my inner vessel day by day. Loving myself more and of course loving God more. Being more obedient to Him. All of this, because I love you. Praying for you that your heart and mind will be open to God. Pushing forward, even when doubt and past pain beg me to stop. The peace is so empowering. I'm ready to open my up my heart again. Regardless of what may come, I am ready to open it up. A little at a time, of course. This shift inside me gives me all the feels, but joy tops them all. I can breathe better."

Read last entry here: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/08/love-letters-10.html

Love Letters #10

"I thought of you today as I sat on the bench at the Temple . I didn't have time to go in, because the doors were closed, but I sat on the bench facing the Temple and watched the cute elderly couples. I love seeing old couples walking out of the Temple and holding hands. I hope we're like that. I hope we are frequent Temple goers and have no shame in showing the world our sweet love. (Obviously within reason, because you know how I feel about PDA.) I don't know what lies ahead for us in 50 years, but as long as we are covenant keeping lovers, I think we'll be fine."

Read last entry here: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/07/love-letters-9.html

Love Letters #9

"I heard the most beautiful words the other day that really got me thinking. It gave me all the feels and it was something I connected with. 

"Dear Baby, I hope someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight. They don't pull away, they  don't look at your face, and they don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight without an ounce of selfishness to it. I hope you become addicted, baby. I hope you become addicted to saying things and having them matter to someone." -Waitress

 I just love this! This is exactly what I think of when I think of us. We hold each other during the good, the bad, and the in-between. We don't have to speak. (However, I will always listen to you while you talk through whatever.) You matter to me. How you feel, what your doing, your dreams/goals/ambitions--whatever. It all matters to me, because you matter to me. That's love."

In case you missed the last one: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/04/love-letters-8.html

Love Letters #8

"It's just that I hear so many stories of divorce and how shattering it is. But then I read stories of those who suffered in the very depths of their pain make a miraculous come back and find fresh new love. I'm not saying that I want a divorce. I don't. No one does. But I have so much respect for those who can get back up on their feet. I think it proves that the atonement of Jesus Christ really does cover all pain."

Love Letters #7 - Journal Entry

I had requests for a love letter and journal entry post. So I thought since it's February 1st, I would start out love month with a love letter in the form of a journal entry. Which isn't any different than past love letter posts. But I'm still killing two birds with one... heart. (Just tryin' to keep up with the love theme here!)

"I've been studying a lot about shame and a few months ago I jumped on the Brene Brown train. That took studying shame to a new level! It's been a very hard battle- fighting shame that is. I know that it's not an uncommon thing for people to feel shame. You don't necessarily have to do something that would be considered shameful. It can be felt in even the smallest ways. It's part of the human experience. I fear being vulnerable. I'm not an "open book" and I don't want you to think less of me if I share a very vulnerable part of me. I want to be loved and accepted. And it's so much easier for me to love and accept you, because it's inspiring and motivating. But when I turn inward, it's the complete opposite. I don't feel like I deserve to be loved and accepted, even though that's desperately what I want. So I'm studying shame, so that I can work through the personal shame I feel. I want to have the courage to be able to give myself fully to you. I want to be able to open up to you and still be able to keep my head up. I want to be able to connect with you, but I can't if I am guarded by shame. I admit it hasn't been an easy road. It's hard for me to own my story. It takes baby steps. It takes forgiveness. It takes lots of tear-filled prayers. It takes turning to God and our Savior, Jesus Christ. It takes courage. It's hard. But you're worth it!"

On a completely different note...I filed my taxes today. I'd say this month is off to a good start! More posts to come. (Mainly because you guys yell at me when I don't post. Sorry. Not sorry. Also, seriously? You guys want more pictures?! Check. Out. My. Instagram. Jk, I'll do my best.)

Check out the last sappy love letter by clicking riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight here.

Love Letters #6

"I've bee thinking a lot about myself lately. Not in the selfish sense, but more so in the sense that I want to love myself. It's hard, because I know my flaws and I see my curves. I'm trying to be chain breaker, but breaking 25 years worth of self-loathing is hard. But I'm trying. I only take one day at a time, because that's all that I'm given. While I do want to be beautiful for you, I first want to be beautiful to me. I'm accepting myself as the imperfect human being that I am. I believe in change. I believe in God. I believe in using the atonement everyday. I'm not perfect at loving myself, but I can say that I'm more accepting of myself the more I work at it. I'm not changing for you. I'm changing for me. And I think that's a big part of love. To not only be better, but to consistently trying to be better. Being more accepting of myself helps me be more accepting of you and others. I love you."

***
Read here for the last love letter, you know, if that's your thing.

Love Letters #5

"I am human in every sense. I struggle. And I want you to see that I struggle, but then I don't at the same time. I want to be strong for you all the time. And I know there are going to be times when being strong for you is allowing you to see that I struggle. I take time to process things and I know you know that. Just don't pull back when I share with you a very human part of me. I know you wouldn't. The more I accept my imperfect self, the easier it is for me to accept imperfect people; the imperfect you. I love the imperfect you. It shows me that you are human too. Together we'll just walk this life imperfectly, but we'll learn and grow. And we won't be alone. You and me, sir! Thank you for being accepting of the imperfect me. I love that. And I love you." 

***

Missed the previous sap, here it is:

• Love Letter #4
• Love Letter #3
• Love Letter #2
• Love Letter #1

Love Letters #4

"I recently read an article about how love is 'just games' and nothing more. I absolutely REFUSE to believe that. Love isn't a game. If  you want to play a game, go play Life! Love is the very essence that uniquely binds us to each other. Whether it's through a friendship or a romantic relationship; love is binding. It can warm even the coldest of hearts. I refuse to believe that love is a game. Because if it truly was a game, then we would't be us. Our whole existence would be one. big. sham. And I refuse to believe that. Why? It's quite simple. I love God. And through God, He has helped me love you better. That love is very real to me. So in case I haven't said it; I love you."

Love Letters #3

"If you saw me right now, you'd probably tell me to 'hit the hay'. And then I'd respond with something incredibly (and incoherently) witty and we'd laugh. I love the feeling of exhaustion after a long day of hard work. I packed, moved, and unpacked. My nearly two hour trip at Walmart paid off. My new corner cabinet is filled with food to last me a good while. I'm excited to start cooking and baking again. I'm excited to try out some new recipes I've been bookmarking in my new vegan cookbook. I have a pile mountain of boxes sitting in the middle of the kitchen, waiting to be put away. My room is mostly unpacked. I finally bought an ironing board to pair with my iron. Turns out there was one in the laundry room. 

I'm not sure why God has led me to this place. Everything has worked out perfectly. I couldn't be more grateful. I'm still baffled as to why I am here. The roommates are kind and sweet. The ward is fun. (Or so I have been told.) I am not sad about the change. But I'm not excited either. I'm just mellow. I am supposed to be here, that I know. I guess time will tell.

Maybe we'll meet here? Maybe not. That's okay though. We're still each others and God will unite us, when He see's fit. But until then, I think I will 'hit the hay' now. (And I did laugh at that, only because it sounds ridiculous. You can laugh too." 

Love letters #2

"Every now and then I see an old couple walking hand in hand. Their frail, wrinkled fingers laced together, could possibly be the cutest thing ever. It makes me think of us in our ripe old age and still in our "newly wed" stage. It's these few moments that make me grateful for you. We're both still being refined and that's okay. I can wait a bit longer if needs be. Let it be in God's hands. He always takes good care of me and I know He takes good care of you. He promised me that and He always keeps His promises. Keep going, sweetheart. We're going to make it! Renew your faith in God. I've been doing that and it's made a difference. It's helped me be more patient. So here I am, waiting patiently for you. I love you." [December 2014]

 

Love Letters

"I can't even express to you this bursting feeling of peace that washed over me. It was so sweet. All the questions I've been asking were beginning to be answered. My darling, God has a plan for us. I mean, we both know that, but things are starting to fall in place. I have a better perspective than I did before. Can I tell you one of the hardest aches I've ever felt, finally, FINALLY, melted away? One that I thought was impossible for me to overcome? Well it did! That heavy-achy heart, and countless tears are finally no more! I am grateful that He finally put this heart at ease. I am also grateful that I allowed and trusted Him to put this heart at ease. I can breathe now and it feels so good! This new path I've set myself on (or rather the Lord has set me on) is exciting. I feel so at peace with everything. I'm ready for this new chapter, but boy do I have so much to learn! You and I, sir, have so much to learn. Let's keep pushing forward, okay?" [December 2014]