Free-write: Women's Conference

My spiritual canteen is already brimming and I have so many thoughts. A free-write if you will.

LDS General Conference has officially begun! Women's conference was absolutely stellar! I did my daily meditation beforehand, so that I could have a clear mind and heart. This conference is different for me because I actually have questions. It's so important for me to have my mind and heart in the right place, because I desire personal revelation.

It began with a bang! I only had one burning question for this session and Sister Jean B. Bingham answered that in the first two minutes! She spoke of using the light of the gospel to see others clearly. During my healing process (which you can read here and here.), it has been absolutely vital for me to see my higher self. Keeping my covenants and doing what I should be doing has been the solution. Because I've been doing this consistently, I have found that I haven't been shaming myself as often. I view myself differently. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to do my best. I prayed beforehand for ways to see others differently. What was the solution to that? Charity.

"And no one can assist in this work except he shall be humble and full of love, having faith, hope, and charity, being temperate in all things, whatsoever shall be entrusted to his care." -D&C 12:8

 Can you imagine how differently this world would be if we all had charity? It's the pure love of Christ! That's powerful! If we spoke more positively about each other and encouraged each other, I believe people would react differently. Life is hard. At the very least, we can share Christ-like love to each other. We all came here for the same purpose. It's not a race to the finish line.

Sister Bingham went on to talk about one of my very favorite things. Progression. The beauty and reality of the gospel of Jesus Christ is that anyone can improve. It's through the atonement of Jesus Christ that makes change possible. I love this truth so much, because it gives me hope. We're all trying to do our best in this life. And gosh! This life can just really suck sometimes! We're all humans having our own human experience. We struggle. We make mistakes. We're not perfect. BUT. We can consistently try to improve every single day, multiple times a day! I've personally found that God cares more that I'm sincerely trying to be better. There really can be sweetness during the bitterness of life! We were not sent here to fail! We have each other! We can embrace improvement in each other! We can love and support each other.. If we have charity, we're more kind, patient, humble, and seek the good in others. Sister Bingham encouraged us to commit to work together and to embrace the beauty in each other.

Sister Carole M. Stephens really hit it on the nail and talked about the healing power of the atonement of Jesus Christ. She urged all of us to recommit ourselves to the Savior. No more hiding. No more covering our sins. No more feeling alone. Her call to repentance and commitment to God and our covenants, was so moving to me. She had such tenderness in her voice as she spoke of the atonement of Jesus Christ. She recited the sweet words that Jesus Christ spoke to the Americas:

"Will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?" -3 Nephi 9:13

I've always loved this verse, because here's Jesus Christ extending an invitation for healing. And every time I read this verse, I can't help but feel the ache of His plea. He wants to heal us. He will meet us where we are and gently holds our hand through the chaos of life. You don't have to carry your burden alone. You don't have to suffer alone. You are not alone!

I've written before about how I am still finding my Savior here. The past few weeks, I've been able to find Him more. Cleansing my inner vessel can only be done properly if I turn to Him. I had to move past my selfish tendencies and cling to Him. I haven't felt lonely. In fact, I've felt the sweetness of His love. It's purifying. It's a driving force in the right direction.

Do you feel His love? Do you hear his plea to let Him heal you? My dear friends, I testify to you that your Savior, Jesus Christ wants you. He loves you. He's walked your path, felt your sweetest joys and bitter pain. The first few steps towards Him, may be hard, but I promise you that they will ultimately change your course. His love is fortifying and will strengthen you in the best way. Because of Him, you can change. You can become your higher and best self. He knows and sees the divinity within you. He will always help you. All you have to do is open the door.

My heart is literally bursting with joy as I think about the goodness of God! You know I love my God more than anything! He is my Father in Heaven and my relationship with Him means the world to me. This session of conference really hit home to me. I needed a reminder that God's perfect plan of happiness was prepared beforehand. All because of love. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf reminded me that I can't change God's will, but God will empower me to do His will. I can testify that is true, because I've personally seen this in my life recently. I've been doing hard things and making a lot of changes, because I am trusting the path he has set before me. My faith in Him has been strengthened each day as I continually choose to follow Him. Has it been easy? Absolutely not. However, my faith in His plan for me is what's keeping me going. He's never forsaken me.

Earlier this year, I went through a really hard trial. Because of my faith and love for my Heavenly Father, I was never mad at Him. I never blamed Him. I knew He had a plan for me. But gosh, it was hard! Looking back, I can clearly see how he prepared the way for me. I'm where He needs me to be. Honestly, I'm so happy where I am. I'm in a good place, because of Him.

Dear friends, I testify that your God knows and loves you. He sees you as the divine son or daughter of God that you are. You are His. Literally. He created you in His image. He created a beautiful plan of happiness all because He loves you and wants you for eternity! Like President Uchtdorf said, God will never force you to follow Him. He didn't do that in the pre-existence and He won't do that now. But He will always love you. He will always be there for you. He will always help you. You're worth it to Him. I can't really fathom the great magnitude of love He has for me, but I have felt His love and I can testify that it is so good. God is good, He is oh so good.

All good things. It's never the worst when you have God and Jesus Christ on your side! Just sayin'!

General Conference Part One

I was really looking forward to conference. I prayed and fasted that I would be given some guidance in my life. I sat in my chair with a big bowl of corn flakes and was ready to roll! Elder Eyring started off with a beautiful talk that made me think about my seed of faith and whether it's buried in good soil. I've been wanting to strengthen my testimony and Elder Eyring nailed it.

I am really good with forgiving others, but when it comes to forgiving myself, that's a hard no. Elder Kevin R. Duncan spoke on forgiveness and it was a beautiful talk. He said:

"An unforgiving heart harbors so much needless pain. When we apply the healing ointment of the Savior’s Atonement, He will soften our heart and help us to change. He can heal the wounded soul."

I realized that I am holding on to so much pain that I don't need to. So I've been forgiving myself and trying to show myself love and healing. It's a journey friends.

The first session concluded with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing, "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" and it was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! If there is any song to conclude a beautiful session, that song was it! The lyrics really hit home:

O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!

Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee

Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love

Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above 

I started tearing up when I heard this song, because I think it's a human part of life where we start to walk away from God. We are hurt and we want to trust Him, but sometimes our faith an trust just isn't strong enough. I know I've felt that. But when we cry out to God, He always hears us and He will reach out. This was me last week. I wanted to walk away and I started to, but I experienced so many tender mercies that kept me in His arms. I cried to God for help. And I felt like I was waiting forever. But it was really strengthening me and then the tender mercies came. And little by little, I began to pray more in praise and gratitude. And God began to lift my spirits and I was filled with overwhelming joy over the weekend. It was worth it.

Part two will be tomorrow. Bye!

Elder Eyring's Talk: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/where-two-or-three-are-gathered?lang=eng 

Elder Ducan's Talk: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/the-healing-ointment-of-forgiveness?lang=eng

All General Conference Talks: https://www.lds.org/general-conference?lang=eng

Face to Face with Jesus

I read the most beautiful book over the weekend. My mom gave me the book and told me to read it. So naturally, I binge read it. This book is called Face to Face with Jesus. This book is written by Samaa Habib and she tells her conversion story from Muslim to becoming a Christian. She talks about how she would pray to Allah five times a day and yet she never heard from him. She feared him. She was in a dangerous situation and prayed to God and He answered her and preserved hhiter life. Through a series of events, she has a pure and powerful conversion to Jesus Christ. From then on, she fully devoted her life to her Savior. When at Church, there were five bombs that had been hidden within the building and she was thrown 10 feet into the air. She died, but she met Jesus Christ. She was given a second chance and came back to her mortal body. She endured pain and all sorts of trials, yet her faith in God and in Jesus Christ sustained her life. She was given power to fight against those who sought to rape her and kill her. She was given power to endure through physical pain and operations after the bombing. She prayed and fasted on multiple occasions. She prayed for strength for herself, but she also prayed for her attackers, she prayed for her brothers after they would beat her, she prayed for family and friends. She shared her testimony of Jesus Christ with everyone, EVEN her attackers. This woman is incredible.

This book answered many questions that I had. I've talked to you about wanting to fulfill my ministry. I had been praying for answers from conference to know where to start. That led me to realize that I need to strengthen my relationship with Christ. I've been wanting to find ways that I could be more devoted to my Savior. You know that I love my God more than anything! God and I are a team. But Jesus Christ and I- we could use some work.

Samaa prayed and fasted to know Her Savior more. That's what I need to do. Pray and to know my Savior. How can I fulfill my ministry about the Savior, if I don't know Him better? I want to devote my life to the Savior and to do the Lord's will. But that means a lot of refining. But if Samaa can do it, then I can too, right? If the prophets of old and modern day have done it, I can too, right? Right.

I give this book 5 stars and I highly encourage you to read it! You'll love it!

Invitation

I would like to formally invite you to tune into General Conference THIS Saturday and Sunday! It's a wonderful time to come and learn more about the LDS Church that I belong to. It's also a great opportunity to come feel inspired and motivated to do good. I'll be sharing with you some of my insights next week. For now, I'm packing to head home for the annual general conference pizza and banana split party. Love ya and see you on Monday!

Click here for more info on how to watch General Conference: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/live-viewing-times-and-options?lang=eng

Happy Easter!

When I was in the first grade I got in an argument with a kid in my class about whether Easter was on Saturday or Sunday. Obviously he won. But you see, I didn't understand that, because at my house the Easter bunny always came on Saturday morning. Turns out my mom was teaching us a lesson at a very young age about 1- Keeping the Sabbath Day holy and 2- Easter Sunday is about Jesus Christ. Momma Rock knows best, my friends. And I will continue to carry out this tradition with my own family.

Easter really resonates with me, because the atonement of Jesus Christ is close to my heart. I haven't really gotten super deep about sharing my testimony of Christ, because it's something that is very very dear and personal to me. I'm sure that will change someday, but for now I will just give you just a taste of my testimony of Him.

He's real. His mission was set out before He came to this world. He carried out his mission, because He loves God. And because He understood how His sacrifice would benefit all of God's children. His loves for each one of us is so personal, because He truly knows each one of us. He knows our pain and suffering. He understands how much that scrape on our knee hurt when we were five years old. And He understands how much it hurt when our hearts were broken. He truly paid the price. He wanted to. He chose to, because you and I were both worth it.

I often wish I could repay Him in full, because to me it seems like such a hard sacrfice to do. But perhaps that's what true sacrifice is. You sacrifice something, because you ultimately understand and love the purpose of it. You wouldn't even think twice about it. And while I can't pay him back, I can at least utilize His sacrifice personally in my life. He literally died, so that I could return to my God and live with him for eternity. Why wouldn't I want to live my loving Heavenly Father? You guys know how much I love Him.

If I could get on such a deep, intimate level with you guys on my honest feelings about my Savior, I would. But I think what's better is for you to do that with Him for yourself. He is real. Because of Jesus Christ, I have found new life. That's priceless!

Happy Easter, my dear friends. May your hearts be turned to your Savior, Jesus Christ during this wonderful holiday. See you next Monday!

“Turn your eyes to Gethsemane, and you will find inner strength and power to carry on and do whatever it is that faces you.”

God Lives

I read what has become one of my favorite books, "More Than The Tattooed Mormon" by Al Carraway. It was late one evening and I wanted to read a new book. I came across this book and felt a pull to read it. So I did. And you guys!!!! I love this book with all my heart! There was so much written about my favorite person: God. If you haven't noticed *hint hint: my labels section* you'll see that God is the biggest and most popular topic. Reading this book was not only a page turner, but the Spirit testified to me again that there is a God. So here I am to talk to you and share with you my thoughts and testimony.

I know that there is a God. I know He created you and I. We're so lucky to be His. And gosh darn it, we are lucky, because He is not just a God. He is a Father. We are so lucky to have a Father who sees us, who knows us, and wants us. I know that God lives. I've found that Heavenly Father picks up  the slack where others are lacking. People are imperfect, but God is PERFECT! He is there! Always!

 I know He loves you. Just like He loves me. If there's any power that God has, I'd say His love is the most powerful! His perfect love never changes and yet it changes us!  Even right this very second, He is aware of you and loves you deeply. To be honest, there have been times when I felt like God didn't love me I didn't feel like I deserved love. And a lot of that was shame that I felt. I felt like I wasn't worthy of His love. I have made soooooo many mistakes and if I don't even love myself, then why would God love me? Have we not all been there? (Let's be real, I'm not the only one who has thought that.) The best way for me to feel God's love is to pray.

Speaking of prayer, I know that prayer is our greatest source to conversing with Him. Oh does He love it when we pray. Forget the proper way, just talk to Him! He just wants you to talk to Him. He wants to help you and He is ready to! But sometimes He wants us to come to Him. Whether it's asking for help or comfort or in gratitude. Just talk to Him, because a Father/Child relationship is so precious and important! Some of my most heartfelt moments are when I kneel before the Lord in deep, sincere. I open up my heart to Him. Being vulnerable is hard. But those moments when I can put my guard down and expose myself to the Lord, I feel peaceful. I feel loved. I feel worthy of His love. I feel His kindness and warmth around me.

One of my favorite songs is titled, "Just How I Am" sung by Laken Quigley. It's from the EFY 2014 album and this song (and album) is amazing!

[PRESS PLAY]

Just How I Am

-Laken Quigley

When I'm alone, I can fall to my knees 

And I know that He'll always be there.

When I'm surrounded and I call out His name,

 I know He will still hear my prayer.

Though I'm in a world full of people,

And I'm only one in the crowd,

No, He'll never forget me, 

He's always up there looking down.

Chorus:

And He knows me,

He knows me.

And He holds me,

In His hands.

Yes, He knows me.

And He loves me,

Just how I am.

Just how I am.

When I'm in need, when I'm falling apart, 

He will always be right by my side.

Patiently waiting for me to reach out

He just wants to be part of my life.

Even when I think I know better.

Even when I do something wrong.

He'll always help me through it,

Yeah, He's been there all along.

Chorus

And no matter life may bring, no matter what comes

I will always know who I am and where I belong

Chorus

He knows me and He loves me

Just how I am.

Just how I am.

I feel like it's easy to not believe in God or turn to Him, because we've experienced times when we've felt jaded. You don't want to get hurt again. Or perhaps it's because you can't physically see Him, so how on earth could He be real? Here's my advice, if there is anything that I could urge you to do, it is to first ask God if He is there. (Prayer works!) I promise you that He will answer you and you will know that answer! If you don't really know Him, then I urge you to get to know Him. Open up your scriptures, study His characteristics. That's what got me started. And pray, pray, pray!!! Again, I promise you that God will answer you!

I've always heard that you should make God your priority. And I understand that, because when God is your priority, life doesn't seem so bad. I feel like regardless of what is thrown my way, I will get through it. I admit it's not always easy to turn to Him. (I'm so stubborn!) But I always end up turning to Him and He always rescues me! Always! Everything will be okay so long as God is there. God is real. God is good! I love Him! I don't think I could truly describe to you my love for Him, because it's- I just love Him!

You have a God, and He is yours!

-Al Carraway

I wrote #always next to this sentence in her book, because it speaks truth! God is always ours just like we are always His. Happy Sunday and may you feel God's love for you on this Sabbath day!

For more information on Al Carraway, check out her blog here! I always love reading her posts. You can also check out her book! I encourage each one of you to read it, because it was THAT good!

Silent Conviction

Personal Credence: I think it's okay to have moments in which you don't necessarily have to come out and speak on certain issues. You can still hold strong to your own deep convictions without speaking.
***
I have so many things that I want to say regarding the recent news of the Mormon church. However, I've kept myself silent on the matter. I don't feel the need to add my own spiel on it. I have my own convictions and I will silently stand by them. Does it mean that I don't care? Absolutely not. I do care- a lot actually! Does it mean that I am intimidated or scared to share? Absolutely not!

I think many people have already voiced their opinions on the matter and I don't see the need to add mine to it. I've read too much negativity the last few days to even have a desire to share my opinion. So, no. I will keep to myself my thoughts and feelings.

Deeply Ingrained

There is a "tugging" feeling that I feel quite often. It tugs my heart when I feel doubt, pain, or confusion. My heart knows the truth, but oft times my mind struggles. My heart gently tugs my mind back to the truth. Even through the deepest pain, my heart knows the truth. My heart has ingrained the gospel of Jesus Christ as it's energy source. My heart has saved my life many times, because of this energy source. That energy source is always replenished as I continue to live my life through obedience. It's replenished through heart-felt prayer. It's replenished through a loving God and Savior, Jesus Christ. What started out as sliver of faith, made a remarkable and sustainable difference. It flows through my body and when it reaches my broken mind, it soothes and heals. It reminds my mind the purpose of my life here. It reminds me of the joy that I have tasted, because of my firm testimony of the gospel. Peace is restored, testimony is strengthened, and my heart and mind are one yet again. I believe I know that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. It brings true purpose and joy in a world that seeks to dictate what purpose and joy should be. It heals and soothes the deepest cuts. It provides a fortifying love and faith, that you cannot find elsewhere. So when that "tugging" feeling comes, I embrace it. To me, it's a sweet reminder from God letting me know He loves me and is still there. That means the world to me. And you know what? I know that God and Jesus Christ love you. That's something to smile about. Happy Friday!

Fall brings change

Can I just tell you how beautiful the leaves are right now? I had the pleasure of venturing up the canyon with some dear friends one Sunday afternoon. The view was spectacular! I love fall! The change has been breathtaking.

I was walking to work and noticed how much more vibrant the mountains looked. I then had a thought that has been simmering on my mind all day. I had been thinking about the changes that I am going through in my life and thought it was ironic that this was going on during the same time as the seasonal change. 

This really got me thinking that change is a byproduct of the atonement of Jesus Christ. One cannot truly use the atonement in their life and not change.

Change [cheynj]: To Transform or Convert (source)

It's that conversion process that transforms one to be a better person than they were before. I then started thinking about my conversion story. It's not this grand story--not yet anyways. It's happening right now. I'm still in the beginning stages. What I've learned remembered, is that the atonement is real. I don't know or understand every little detail that it entails, but gradual process has been bringing light into my life. That's just a beginning. 

I have a love for President James E. Faust who said:

"If we will turn to the Lord and believe on His name, we can change. He will give us the power to change our lives, the power to put away bad thoughts and feelings from our hearts. We can be taken from “the darkest abyss” to “behold the marvelous light of God” -The Power to Change (source)

 Wow! No wonder Jesus Christ holds the title 'Savior'. It's fitting, isn't it? This change brings light. Light brings joy. Not only that, but how cool is it that we have the ability to change ourselves? With His divine help, we can change. I've struggled wrapping my mind around this lately, just because I am impatient and want immediate results. However, that hasn't stopped me from giving up. I have hope that I'll one day reap the reward of being who God wants me to become. I believe that will change me for the better.

What's your conversion story? Are you going through it just like me? Are you seeing changes being made into your life? Are you struggling through it? Do you feel like you've been tested to your limits? If this is you, the my message is to you (as well as myself):

(Source)

And as Elder Jeffrey R. Holland firmly put it:

"DON'T YOU GIVE UP! DON'T YOU QUIT! You keep walking. You keep trying. There is happiness and help ahead...It will be all right in the end. TRUST GOD and believe in good things to come!" -Good Things to Come (Source)