"And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, an that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions." - Mosiah 24:14
Today's scripture study had me reading this particular verse and I needed it! The Lord has really been pushing me in a certain direction and it's been easy at times and hard other times. I've felt a lot of pain, self doubt and many other emotions that I just couldn't take anymore. But today, my spirit came alive when I read these words. And I could be angry with God, but I'm not. I am never mad at Him. I know that He is pushing me in the direction that I need to be.
I deeply love my God! And He is so good to me. I have felt Him ease my burden today. I am so grateful for this experience. I don't see it as a trial, rather an experience of growth and understanding. It's in these moments that I find myself humbled and deeply connected to my creator. I love Him and I know that He loves me. God is good, He is oh so good!
Healing is an ongoing process. And I do believe the full complete healing is possible through the atonement of Jesus Christ. But it is still a process. I feel like a took a few steps back this weekend. Not allowing myself to think of certain things and trying to keep my heart and mind centered. But sometimes the fight is hard and I am tired. You just have to sit with your feelings no matter how painful and let those emotions move within me. I sink deep within my body and mind and take deep breaths. I am focused on what the pain is and calling upon divine help, because I know that I can't do it alone. This is hard for me. I don't like emotion and feeling most of the time. Most times I wish that I could just pull my spirit out of my body for a few minutes. But I know that in order to become like our Savior and to deeply connect with others, I need to connect with myself first.
A tinge of pain settled in unexpectedly today, so I pocketed that emotion away for a few hours so I could process. I know this is a test from God. How will Marlisa handle pain and disappointment? Well, Lord, I will focus on other things. I'm diving deep into my business. Putting my free time towards that. I'm learning a lot about myself through this process, so it's been good for me. If I want to be successful, I have to put in the work. Goals are being made an I just go to work.
Next week, I'm off to Zion's National Park for some needed getaway time. I'll also be visiting family, so all good things are in my future. I'm focusing on other areas of my life that I've neglected. I just push through, but this time in healthier ways. This is good release process for me. And healing always comes. I just have to take one day at a time.
This new chapter of my life has a lot of surprises in it and I've just been jumpin' on the bandwagon as they come. One that totally took me for a loop was agreeing to go to Zion's National Park with a friend. I love Zion's. I love the company. But I mostly love the stargazing. If you know me well enough or you've been a reader for a while, you know my love for astronomy. More specifically stargazing. It doesn't matter the season, I have done it in the dead of winter. (That's a story for another day...) Stargazing has always opened up this new appreciation for God and for my life. I feel a sense of God's love and peace. And peace is what I need. I've been so indecisive lately. Trying to figure out a future for myself. At the end of May, I made a decision to start a relationship with someone I had talked to for nearly six months. I quickly ended it. Like within 24 hours. I tried giving my heart away, but God has a way of stopping me. I feel like I've lost myself a little bit. I feel out of my element. Tired. Emotions are just numb enough to ease the confusion I feel. I'm pulling myself together slowly. I'm mostly fine.
These moments of making choices are helping me know more of what God wants me to do. But I still have moments where I lie very still and sink deep within myself. I know God has a plan for me. And a lot of patience is required. Planning a future for myself is something that I could do. But each time I think of just me, I feel a sense of redirection. And it's frustrating at times, but I just go on with one day at a time and then praise myself for making it one more day.
So here's to taking one day at a time. Here's to making more adventures and memories for my year 27. It's not the worst.
I'm currently sitting in my apartment hallway, because it is hot in my room. I fixed the A/C like a Queen and am now waiting for my apartment to cool down to a nice 70 degrees.
I started a business with It Works Global, because the way God speaks to me is by telling me something months in advanced and letting me think about it until I'm ready to do what He asks. This was an answer to my prayers and something that would help me reach my financial goals and also to motivate me to treat my body better. Two women who had followed me on Instagram were part of this company. I've been watching their business grow. One is a married BYU student and the other is a retired, 20-something year old with a family. Both were kind, motivating, and incredibly successful. The only part that scared me about this business was putting myself out there and selling. I am not a sales person. I don't do that. So after much prodding, I took the plunge.
And I became stagnant. Anxiety and fear really hit me. But I knew that if I followed everything that Christy told me to do, I would be successful. But still. I was scared. Scared of failure. Scared of rejection. Scared! So I got the kit and opened it, but then put the contents back into the box and it's sitting on my desk with some books and papers on top of it.
While paroozing my way on Instagram, a friend of mine posted these very words:
Nice, Heavenly Father. Way to put that out there. So I resisted again. Then this:
Yeah, but then I'm saving myself from feeling anxiety and uncomfortable. A few days later, I read these words that really hit me hard:
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." M. Scott Peck
Okay, Okay, I'm listening. I realized that I was making things so complicated and I was overthinking everything! I just needed to simplify it and bring out the beauty in it. So I started up with my positive affirmations again:
I am a Daughter of God.
I am Beautiful.
I am doing hard things.
I am successful!
God only will I serve.
I am attracting like minded people.
I am financially abundant.
I am making my dreams come true.
I radiate the Light of Christ.
I am making a difference in the world.
I felt my Spirit come alive once again. I promised God that I would try again and give it all I've got. I promised to always put Him first and then go to work. Even though this is very uncomfortable for me, I know that I have two choices. I can grow. Or I can be stagnant. We all know how I feel about the power of change, so I've re-committed myself to God, to myself, and to this company. I will bask in the uncomfortable-ness that comes and I will let it refine me. I can do hard things. I am successful.
Here's to new adventures. You can visit my Instagram @simplymarlisa for my lifestyle and "work" posts. I'll be sharing with you my journey and bringing the simplicity and beauty in the products, but how it is influencing both my life and those I get to work with. (I still have my regular Insta @missmarlirock so feel free to go there if you're not interested!)
Here we go, darlings! It's not the worst.
***If you're interested in any products or whatever, just DM, text, email, FB message me. We can embark on this journey together! You can be skeptical, but at the very least, you should just try it!***
It's night time and my corner of the world is quiet, so a free write if you will.
Everyone heals differently. I've been coming across many individuals who strike me with so much strength as they endure hard trials. Their way of healing intrigues me. Some turned to religion. Others turned to therapy. Some even put forth all their energy into making their dreams come true. All of these things are great.
I've always believed that true healing comes through the atonement of Jesus Christ. And I still do. That's what works for me. But I've had this admiration for anyone who has healed by other means and have found so much joy. Good on you! Everyone is uniquely different and healing comes in different forms. Everyone deserves to be so deeply happy in this life! And when you truly find it, don't let go!
I love the story of the woman who deeply desired healing and had the faith in Christ that if she simply touched His robes, she would be healed. After 12 years of battling this pain, she was immediately healed. I want to hug her in the next life, because her faith changed me. She desired it with her whole heart and put her faith in Christ and she experienced a miracle. I love the words that Christ says to her.
Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in peace
I am constantly reminding myself of this Godly woman, because I want to strengthen my faith in Christ. I want to come so close to Him, that any doubt that I experience will be quickly diminished, because I know Him and trust Him. I am loving Him more and more. I am trying my best to exercise faith in His healing power and I am feeling it. My heart is changing. My thoughts are changing. I am thinking higher thoughts and I am feeling joy and love. I desire wholeness!
If my only calling in this life is to invite others to come unto Christ, then I wholeheartedly accept! I want everyone to know Him, because He is everything to me. He's not just my advocate to the Father, but He is my friend and older brother who deeply knows and loves me. He has walked my path and He knows how to help me in the way I need. I just love Him! He knows my heart. He knows that I am trying and that I desire to be like Him.
I'm learning to give a little bit of my heart away. I'm focusing on the strengths of others and choosing to see their higher self. I'm complimenting others and letting them know how great they are and how loved they are. I don't hold back and I don't worry about my heart running out. I am whole and there is always enough love to be given out. It never runs out.
To you reading this, here's my message to you: YOU are divinely good. YOU are strong and loved far beyond your comprehension. YOU are of divine worth, because YOU are a son/daughter of God. He deeply loves YOU and oh how I wish YOU could fully taste His love. He supports YOU and blesses YOU, because He loves you. I believe that God has a plan for only YOU. YOU can do hard things. YOU can change. YOU radiate the light of Christ, even when you may feel like you don't. I love YOU.
There was a time when I did not feel worthy to enter His house. It felt like the light that I once had just didn't glow anymore. So I nurtured my spirit and focused on wholeness. The light within me began to glow more each day as I recited the mantra: I radiate the light of Christ!
I imagined this light surging through me and I began to truly believe that I radiated this light. In the midst of darkness, I radiated light. Much like this picture I took on Valentine's Day. I radiate the light of Christ! I exude this light in a world filled with darkness. It fulfills my soul and fills me with light and joy.
Whether in passing or in conversation, I choose to look at you with eyes that see. I'll look at you with wholeness. Like Heavenly Father and Mother do. I'll admire your heavenly glow and the light that shines in your eyes. I'll remind myself over and over that you are a child of God.I'll pray for you and ask God to watch over you. I'll tell you I love you. Why? Because you are a whole, during all seasons of your life. I'll always choose to look at your higher self, because you are a child of God. You are divine. You are worthy of love and all that God has to offer. I choose to cheer you on, because you and I chose to come here for the same reason. I'll support you. You are whole through and through.
Recently I felt that a chapter in my life was ending and I needed to do all that I could to wrap it up. God urged to me to do some hard things. I became very vulnerable in so many aspects of my life. Some were easy, others were hard, but I did it. As this chapter ended and a new one began, I felt a shift in focus. My heart was focused on God and Jesus Christ. My desire to heal and to align my will with God's became my priority. I felt a fresh love for myself, God, Christ, and those I deeply loved. I felt a joy that seemed to consume my heart. I constantly repeat the affirmations:
I am a daughter of God.
I radiate the Light of Christ.
I am beautiful.
I am brilliant.
I am loved.
I am happy!
Each time I recite these truths, I feel my spirit come alive and drink it all up. I feel these truths imprinted on my heart. I feel myself radiating light and have others have pointed this out not even knowing what I've been doing. Tapping into my higher self has helped me see myself as a beautiful, woman of God. It has also opened my spiritual eyes and see others as their higher self. I can sense just a taste of how much God loves His children.
I'm all in. This fresh love and devotion to my God has opened up this new chapter so beautifully. I am becoming.
"Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world."
"And it came to pass that the multitude went forth, and thrust their hands into his side, and did feel the prints of the nails in his hands and in his feet; and this they did do, going forth one by one until they had all gone forth, and did see with their eyes and did feel with their hands, and did know of a surety and did bear record, that it was he, of whom." - 3 Nephi 11:14-15
It's one thing to see something, but a completely different experience to feel it. In His glory, he willing exposed Himself in such a way that people could touch and feel His marks. Each mark symbolizing the greatest sacrifice of love. Everyone in the multitude got to witness Him in such a unique way. Going before Him and literally feeling those marks.
I tried to imagine this for myself. He freely opens Himself to me, beckoning me to feel those marks of love. Because I'm stubborn, I just look at them. His invitation never closes. He still beckons me over. So I take a few steps forward, then a few more until I am inches away. Like the multitude, He asks me to touch His wounds. I reach out tracing those marks ever so gently as a wave of emotion takes over me.There's no way anyone could ever feel those marks without feeling His love.
When I feel broken inside and those pieces are scattered on the ground, He comes. He comes and picks up those pieces with His wounded hands. Those parts of me that I fear will never be mended, He heals with His love. And it doesn't matter how many times I feel broken, He will always be there to heal me.
I'm still finding my Savior in different aspects of my life. He's still there and I guess that's all that matters. I'm still feeling and connecting with His wounds. Funny how I keep finding healing in those wounds.
In the dark of the night, I sat there in her chair and propped my feet up on the ottoman. (I'm chair sitting for a few days for my friend.) I sat there as past trauma re-surfaced. It was unexpected and felt like someone had knocked the breath out of me.
No tears. Absolutely no tears. Just pain.
I wanted to abandon myself. Go numb and not have a care in the world. But I couldn't. I had to feel and process. I began to speak to myself with love:
I am daughter of the most Divine. I am a experiencing a moment that will help me become more like my Father in Heaven. It's okay for me to feel the pain right now. This is a process. I am not weak. Broken hearts will be mended. I am a Queen. I can do hard things with grace! I am loved.
I am tired of shaming myself when I begin to feel the pain of trauma. Giving up just pushes me back. It's not worth it to me. But I'm worth moving past it. I don't need to allow those feelings to make me feel defeated.. I'm worth more than that.
I struggle to find my Savior sometimes. I trust so fully in God that I think that is enough. Deep inside I know that I can't have one without the other. The two make an eternal pair that help me reach my eternal destiny. I try to hold on to the times where I have deeply felt His love.
The other day I was thinking about why I have such a tendency to brush Him aside. If I truly love my God and trust Him, then shouldn't I be able to fully trust my Savior? I've always heavily relied on my God to help, comfort, and provide for me. A part of me feels like if I begin to rely on Christ more, then I won't have a balanced relationship with Him and God. I know, that sounds ridiculous. Another part of me, maybe a bigger part, is that I feel unworthy of His love and mercy. (Satan is a jerk!)
I've made a goal to read the New Testament, because reading stories of Jesus and His life, seemed like the right idea. A story that has always been my favorite, is when Jesus comes to Mary and Martha as they feel deep sorrow for the loss of their brother Lazarus.
"Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.
When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,"
And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see.
Jesus wept.
Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him!" -John 11:32-36
I love this raw emotion that it pained the Savior to purely see how Mary was feeling, but also that He too lost a dear friend. I best find my Savior when I too feel deep pain. It seems the older that I get, the harder the trials are and the deeper the pain has become. Through that heartache, I find Him. I imagine Him seeing me cry and He too crying with me as He did with Mary.
I'm not perfect. I'm human. But even He understands the human part of me and the joy that perfection will be if I hold true. I'll keep searching for Him daily. I'll keep trying to see His hand in my life each day.
I will always find Him, but even better, He never lost me. He has been with me the whole time. I just wasn't paying attention.
Very grateful for second, third, and millions of chances to try again and improve.
"Behold, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou art an elect lady, whom I have called."
"Murmur not because of the things which thou has not see, for they are withheld from thee and from the world, which is wisdom in me in a time to come."
"And the office of thy calling shall be for a comfort unto my servant, Joseph Smith, Jun., thy husband, in his afflictions, with consoling words, in the spirit of meekness."
-D&C 25 3-5
Emma Smith is one of the women that I look up to. She's a strong woman who endured through much pain and affliction. I can't imagine being in her shoes and having to carry the burdens that she had. I love this chapter in Doctrine and Covenants, because it was revelation specifically for her. I had a tender moment as I read this chapter, because it I could feel the love that God had specifically for her. God saw her as His precious daughter. Amongst all the pain she went through, God was with her.
I absolutely adored that she was called to be a comfort to her husband. Seriously, relationship goals right there. More than anything, I desire to be there for my (future) husband to love and support him. Emma was a solid example of that as she supported Joseph Smith through such horrendous times. I believe Emma is an example of continuing to follow the Lord, even through so much heartache. She truly is an elect lady and one that I admire so deeply.
Breaking down barriers is something I've been working on. I build it up and burn it down. Lately the fire has burning and burning, but nothing was coming down. And when I finally gave up in frustration, a wave of emotion washed up and completely exposed my soul. I felt oddly relieved, because fighting has been exhausting.
I'm exhausted emotionally, physically, and mentally. I'm tired of hating myself. I'm tired of trying to be someone I'm not. I'm tired of hiding myself. I'd normally be so focused on covering up my insecurities once they are exposed, but I just can't do it anymore.
.
I received a lot of personal revelation last week. It was beautiful and powerful. And then Satan came and kept whispering his little lies in my ear. I didn't appreciate that. The pressure was just beginning to be too much and I gave in. I crashed and burned.
Today I decided to go to the Temple. I felt exposed to the Lord, but I felt a peaceful feeling come over me as I sat there and pondered everything. I knew that God knew that I was exhausted. . I could feel my Savior, beckoning me to come unto Him. Surely in Christ there is rest for the soul. I need Him, especially now.
I'm too tired to fight. So I'll hold the Lords hand and let Him fight with me.
Did you have a wonderful Fourth of July? I sure hope you did! Now, I know, you're probably upset, because I told you that regular blog posts were coming and if you haven't noticed...I totes lied. I'm sorry. Life happened. But...here I am. I got up early for you guys. I even showered for you guys. (PSA: I shower every day so...no stinky here!)
I've had some really great moments the last few weeks. I haven't been posting much on social media. I've just been living and relishing moments in my life. I've seen some beautiful sights, worked hard, spent time with loved ones, and doing things I love. It was therapeutic and much needed. Also, last month was birthday month and I turned 26. I realized that I wanted to spend more time doing things I love and being with those I love, than just letting the days pass by.
Sometimes you gotta take a break. It's not a crime.
This picture was taken from the Y mountain parking lot. It was beautiful evening and my friend and I drove up in her mini van. We ate our dinner of Chick-Fil-A and watched the sunset. It was beautiful and I couldn't put my camera down. We said goodbye to the day and welcomed nightfall as we sat on a rock. I felt peace and my heart was literally brimming with God's love and goodness.
My friend and I had a beautiful "heart to heart" moment. We talked about trials, overcoming, trials, and the Gospel. I thoroughly enjoyed it, because this friend of mine is like my soul-sister. We have struggled with some of the same trials and there we were having this raw moment.
May I tell you about this girl? She's a beautiful lady with an old soul. She understands raw emotion. She's stronger than she'll ever admit. And she's smart, that girl! Her love for classic rock and people are just a few things that make her great.
I believe friends come and go during different phases in my life. God knew that I needed her friendship at this specific time in my life. That gives me all the feels! When someone comes into your life, let them show you love. Let them be who they are and let them in. (Unless they're a jerk--then kick them to the curb! You don't need that!) Friendships is the BEST ship!
Yesterday after church, I laid very still in bed. I prayed to the Lord for a while. Hashing and re-hashing everything has been something I've been doing a lot lately. I could feel my heart beating. It felt heavy, but this time it felt like a different heavy. I'm not sad about anything. I am stressed, but I'm still alive and pushing through. I laid there for a while just taking deep breaths and talking to the Lord laying very very still.
I know the Lord is preparing me for greater things. I know this, because it's not just a feeling. It's literally the amount of trials I've had in the last two and a half months. Hard trials followed by sweet blessings. This month is one of those moments when I don't even know where I'm going to be by the end of the month. I still need to find housing. I'm still working at my new job. I still have obligations and responsibilities that need to be met. I've applied for second job that is right next door to the job I work at currently. So many things are up in the air right now. But I'm still being pushed to follow the Lord and do His will. And with all of this, I need the atonement of Jesus Christ now more than ever.
All good things. This too shall pass. Come what may and love it. It's not the worst.
Meditation helps me face the natural man in me. Meditation requires me to push through my natural man instincts and focus. I was hesitant to jump on the bandwagon, because it seemed so iffy. And I associated it with yoga. And I hate yoga with a fiery passion. I've done a grand job at distracting myself that it has made it so much harder for me to focus. But I continue to face and fight the natural man, because doing it helps me tap into my spirit. It brings me back home.
I believe that the more we face and fight through our natural man is a becoming process. We tap into our true spirits. That spirit reminds us how good we are and how great our potential is. That can be a driving force for us to become the person God intends us to be. That's becoming.
I've been complaining a lot lately and I've been really mean in my head. If anyone is my worst critic, it's definitely myself. I've really been chewing myself out and crackin' that whip. And what are the benefits of doing this? Nothing. I benefit nothing. And yet, I still do it.
I came across this beautiful post written by the ever beautiful Mara and she shared how she has been changing her language of her thoughts. I agree with her, when she talked about how her thoughts were "burning up energy" that she needed for the day. I realized that I do this very thing. My thoughts are so negative and worried that it exhausts me more than anything. I'm wasting so much energy through negative self-talk that it's literally killing me.
So after this realization, I repented. I begged God for His forgiveness. Negative thinking is like a slow death. You hate and hate and hate on yourself and you just wait for yourself to bleed until your heart stops. If I understand that I am a daughter of God, then why in the hell would I treat myself as the exact opposite? I can't do it anymore. Because it's blinding me and killing me faster.
So I am rewriting my thoughts and letting God's love and light fill me. I pray for His help, because God knows that I can't break nearly 26 years of negative self-talk on my own. My thoughts are more encouraging. My thoughts are more kind. And I'm not gonna lie, it's so hard. It's so very hard and sometimes I just sit down and cry and cry. And then I pray and beg for forgiveness and strength.
The things I choose to do, just so I can fulfill my ministry. Perhaps this shows just how much this mission that I have been entrusted with is to me.
