Goodbye August, Hello September

I know. It's been a month since I've posted. I packed up my life. Moved to Orem. Drove to Idaho for family vacay the day after. Drove home. Packed up my apartment in Orem. Moved home. It all happened so fast. But I trusted the Lord.

I've grown a lot this month. With my business and personally. I've immersed myself in thought provoking books that have caused me to change the way I think. I've been trying to immediately change my thoughts if they are not positive. It's been a...a lot of effort and practice. But it's getting easier. August was a good month!

So what now, September? What do you have to offer me? What do I want to accomplish this month? Growing my business of course. Blogging more. (That's always one.) Cook more often. Save some dollar bills. Hit the pavement more. Maybe yoga. (And you know I hate yoga.) Establish a better routine. Prepare for conference.

This month marks one year of the best revelation I had ever received. And I still hold strong to those promises. I know my 'why' and I know what direction I want to go. So it's time to put the pedal to the medal!

I choose to focus on how far I've come and where I'm going. Progression sometimes feels slow, but August I really grew a lot! My business causes me to branch out of myself and work. I love it! I choose to focus only on positive things that will keep my energy and vibrations high. I choose to immediately forgive myself an ask for God's forgiveness. I choose to love more and to give more of my time. God only will I serve! My 'why' is my vision and my vision is on fire! The timing has never been more perfect!

Let's go, September!

What am I doing?

A question I've been asking myself all week. What am I doing? Imagine me face planted on the floor. Like Sadness from Inside Out. I feel like I'm emotionally hustling for something. Is it acceptance? Is it belonging? Is it validation? I don't know. But I feel weird. I feel like I'm just running around in a thick cloud of fog. Sometimes I feel like Wonder Woman when she takes a moment, closes her eyes and faces the sky. Composure as I call it. I just have to take a deep breath and bask in that very moment to put myself together. Every night, I will lay very still and feel myself breathe while my mind takes its time to slow down. Maybe this is why I need to meditate more? Or do yoga? I don't know, but whatever it is, I need to find some more peace.

It's not the worst.

Dippin' My Toes

I'm dipping my toes in some unknown territory. *heavy sigh* And I'm nervous excited. It's a change and it's something that I just hopped on board immediately. I don't have a full confirmation of what the outcome will be, but I know that I'll be fine either way. Don't you like the vagueness of this post?

This is 27. This is new. This is moving forward. I'm adding to my life story with as many adventures as I can. It's not the worst.

Fear to Faith

Yesterday, I woke up to my business Instagram deleted. I silently stewed over it all day until my anxiety hit hardcore last night. I stress ate, was pacing the room... Luckily I have good friends who helped me out. I unleashed the crazy, stressed out Marlisa at Walmart, but somehow made it out alive, because my friends kept me sane. Whew! Life hack: Get good friends.

So anyways, while dealing with my Instagram fiasco, I've been freaking out, because I am headed to Zion's National Park for camping and hiking. This week will be the hottest. Averaging at a nice 110 degrees. In fact, there is an "Excessive Heat Warning" so you know, it's a good week to hike with limited water sources. I'm not feeling to hot about all of this. I'm nervous that I'll get dehydrated and sick. If you know me, then you know that I hate headaches/migraines. They are no bueno. I literally would rather suffer through other things then those. Fear. I seemed to be drowning in fear.

This morning, I got up bright and early and went for a walk. I felt this overwhelming sense of peace and excitement. Things were going to work out. I just needed to remind myself that I am a daughter of God who deeply loves me. He looks out for me. I don't have to drown in fear. I can be faithful and believe in God. I have my angels whom I call upon each day to assist me on my mortal journey. Today I brave the heat with my friends and enjoy my mini getaway. I have always loved southern Utah and it holds a special place in my heart. I will immerse myself in the beauty of God's creation, disconnected from the world. I will be deeply connected to my God, my Savior, my angels, and my friends. I am allowing peace, love, and faith fill me up.

It's not the worst.

Sinking Deep Within

Healing is an ongoing process. And I do believe the full complete healing is possible through the atonement of Jesus Christ. But it is still a process. I feel like a took a few steps back this weekend. Not allowing myself to think of certain things and trying to keep my heart and mind centered. But sometimes the fight is hard and I am tired. You just have to sit with your feelings no matter how painful and let those emotions move within me. I sink deep within my body and mind and take deep breaths. I am focused on what the pain is and calling upon divine help, because I know that I can't do it alone. This is hard for me. I don't like emotion and feeling most of the time. Most times I wish that I could just pull my spirit out of my body for a few minutes. But I know that in order to become like our Savior and to deeply connect with others, I need to connect with myself first.

It's not the worst.

Keep Going

A tinge of pain settled in unexpectedly today, so I pocketed that emotion away for a few hours so I could process. I know this is a test from God. How will Marlisa handle pain and disappointment? Well, Lord, I will focus on other things. I'm diving deep into my business. Putting my free time towards that. I'm learning a lot about myself through this process, so it's been good for me. If I want to be successful, I have to put in the work. Goals are being made an I just go to work.

Next week, I'm off to Zion's National Park for some needed getaway time. I'll also be visiting family, so all good things are in my future. I'm focusing on other areas of my life that I've neglected. I just push through, but this time in healthier ways. This is good release process for me. And healing always comes. I just have to take one day at a time.

It's not the worst.

Mid June

This new chapter of my life has a lot of surprises in it and I've just been jumpin' on the bandwagon as they come. One that totally took me for a loop was agreeing to go to Zion's National Park with a friend. I love Zion's. I love the company. But I mostly love the stargazing. If you know me well enough or you've been a reader for a while, you know my love for astronomy. More specifically stargazing. It doesn't matter the season, I have done it in the dead of winter. (That's a story for another day...) Stargazing has always opened up this new appreciation for God and for my life. I feel a sense of God's love and peace. And peace is what I need. I've been so indecisive lately. Trying to figure out a future for myself. At the end of May, I made a decision to start a relationship with someone I had talked to for nearly six months. I quickly ended it. Like within 24 hours. I tried giving my heart away, but God has a way of stopping me. I feel like I've lost myself a little bit. I feel out of my element. Tired. Emotions are just numb enough to ease the confusion I feel. I'm pulling myself together slowly. I'm mostly fine.

These moments of making choices are helping me know more of what God wants me to do. But I still have moments where I lie very still and sink deep within myself. I know God has a plan for me. And a lot of patience is required. Planning a future for myself is something that I could do. But each time I think of just me, I feel a sense of redirection. And it's frustrating at times, but I just go on with one day at a time and then praise myself for making it one more day.

So here's to taking one day at a time. Here's to making more adventures and memories for my year 27. It's not the worst.

Marlisa, what do you want to do?

A question that so many have asked me and one that I ask myself. Don't even get me started. There are a lot of things that I want to do. But. (Because there's always a but.) I am scared. I'm scared of failure. I'm scared of rejection. I'm scared of putting myself out there. I'm scared of being vulnerable. I'm just scared.

Good. Let that feeling of fear humble you. Then go. to. work! Believe, believe, believe! Your faith, regardless of how big or small, can change your life. But you have to work through your fears. You have to work! You have to push yourself and believe in yourself. You can do hard things.

It's not the worst.

He's got MY back!

Holy cow! God has been sooooooo good to me this week! Things were falling apart and problems kept arising. And yet, God made it so everything worked out perfectly in His timing. I'm so overwhelmed with gratitude, because I felt so undeserving of His goodness. But you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God loves you NOW! And He wants to bless you, because YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!! I didn't know how this week was going to pan out. But I knew that if I gave my life to Him, He would make everything work out perfectly! I didn't accomplish everything I wanted to, but I had opportunities to serve. And also, if you ask God to send you people to serve, He will! For me, I gave my time to the Lord. I spent time in the Temple and endured two hours of hunger. But my spiritual hunger was satisfied and fulfilled. I gave my time by spending time with people who needed a friend and listening ear. I don't even see it as a sacrifice, rather I am grateful that I choose to put God first. God only will I serve! Even when sometimes it may be hard. But this week, I proved to myself that if I put Him first and trust Him to take care of everything else, He will! And He did this week!

Give God a chance. I just really love my God! You readers who have been reading my blog for years, know that I love my God more than anything! He is everything to me!

Happy June, my darlings! It's birthday month and I've got some great posts for you this month!

Heat Wave 2K17

It's hot. Maintenance said they're waiting for parts to fix it. If it's going to be this hot in my apartment, can it at least make me (more) tan?

Jokes! I've been telling myself not to be upset about it, rather to just laugh it off. So I'm sitting here with a cold wash cloth on the back of my neck and a fan blowing on me. I also have those ice packets you put in your lunch to keep cold IN my bed. Yes.

It's not the worst.

God First

I left work right at noon, because I had things to do.  (This whole week is a busy one!) Anyways, I grocery shopped like a boss (meaning I was in and out), ate lunch, and had my dessert in the oven for my relief society activity within an hour. Then I heard a knock. She came to visit unexpectedly and asked how I was doing. I turned around and looked at my messy kitchen. Garbage can overflowing, dishes in the sink, flour all over the counters...yikes! I asked her to pull up a chair while I got to cleaning up. We chatted and by the time we were done, it was nearly 5:00.

Where had the time gone? There were so many things on my to-do list and I only had two hours to cram in five hours of work. (#firstworldproblems) So I went about getting things done and then it was time to stop by to pick up my friend for the activity. Again, where did the time go? I wasn't feeling it. I wanted to drop off my dessert and quickly excuse myself.

All those worries were quickly diminished as I sat at the sticky picnic table admiring the beautiful, strong sisters I was surrounded by. I didn't care that I didn't even get half of my to-do list done. I cared more about the women in my ward. This feeling of love came over me and I knew it was God telling me that His daughters are so very loved. I could see how brightly they radiated the light of Christ. We're all different, but we all laughed and enjoyed each others company. And gosh, I haven't belly laughed that hard in sooooooooo long! It was very cathartic!

Today didn't go as I had originally planned. But I promised God that I would put Him first. So if talking with a friend for a few hours is what He wants, then I'm ready. The to-do list will never be as important as God's will for me. I needed today. I needed humility. I needed friends. I needed laughter. (I needed those ice cream sandwiches at Macey's for $1.49/box. I resisted, but you know I haven't stopped thinking about them.) Anyways, God first. Even when you're busy.

It's not the worst.

Let me slip into something UNcomfortable

I'm currently sitting in my apartment hallway, because it is hot in my room. I fixed the A/C like a Queen and am now waiting for my apartment to cool down to a nice 70 degrees.

I started a business with It Works Global, because the way God speaks to me is by telling me something months in advanced and letting me think about it until I'm ready to do what He asks. This was an answer to my prayers and something that would help me reach my financial goals and also to motivate me to treat my body better. Two women who had followed me on Instagram were part of this company. I've been watching their business grow. One is a married  BYU student and the other is a retired, 20-something year old with a family. Both were kind, motivating, and incredibly successful. The only part that scared me about this business was putting myself out there and selling. I am not a sales person. I don't do that. So after much prodding, I took the plunge.

And I became stagnant. Anxiety and fear really hit me. But I knew that if I followed everything that Christy told me to do, I would be successful. But still. I was scared. Scared of failure. Scared of rejection. Scared! So I got the kit and opened it, but then put the contents back into the box and it's sitting on my desk with some books and papers on top of it.

While paroozing my way on Instagram, a friend of mine posted these very words:

Nice, Heavenly Father. Way to put that out there. So I resisted again. Then this:

Yeah, but then I'm saving myself from feeling anxiety and uncomfortable. A few days later, I read these words that really hit me hard:

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." M. Scott Peck 

Okay, Okay, I'm listening. I realized that I was making things so complicated and I was overthinking everything! I just needed to simplify it and bring out the beauty in it. So I started up with my positive affirmations again:

I am a Daughter of God.

I am Beautiful.

I am doing hard things.

I am successful!

 God only will I serve.

I am attracting like minded people.

I am financially abundant.

I am making my dreams come true.

I radiate the Light of Christ.

I am making a difference in the world.

I felt my Spirit come alive once again. I promised God that I would try again and give it all I've got. I promised to always put Him first and then go to work. Even though this is very uncomfortable for me, I know that I have two choices. I can grow. Or I can be stagnant. We all know how I feel about the power of change, so I've re-committed myself to God, to myself, and to this company. I will bask in the uncomfortable-ness that comes and I will let it refine me. I can do hard things. I am successful.

Here's to new adventures. You can visit my Instagram @simplymarlisa for my lifestyle and "work" posts. I'll be sharing with you my journey and bringing the simplicity and beauty in the products, but how it is influencing both my life and those I get to work with. (I still have my regular Insta @missmarlirock so feel free to go there if you're not interested!)

Here we go, darlings! It's not the worst.

***If you're interested in any products or whatever, just DM, text, email, FB message me. We can embark on this journey together! You can be skeptical, but at the very least, you should just try it!***

Love Letters #16

"I think it's interesting how the heart knows when something is wrong. I recently had a boy share his feelings with me and told me that he loved me. And as I sat there feeling my heart pound, I could not extend the same sentiment nor utter the very words. My heart knew it was not right. And even when my mind has been confused, my heart knew. I loved someone else. I was reminded of what love is. It's a lot of different things, but to me it's genuine kindness. It's caring deeply for someone and putting their needs above yours. It's keeping them in your thoughts and thinking of what you can do to serve, love, and support them. My heart knows. And I trust it. So for now, I'll keep those three words to myself until my heart lets me use them for you."

Last entry: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/12/love-letters-15.html

Mama Rock

I believe that she and I chose each other to help each other through this life. It seems that as each year passes, my love for her seems to grow in many different aspects. She faithfully fulfills her role as a wife, mother, and grandmother. I admire her capacity to truly love God and Jesus Christ. She is accepting and loving. She has changed through the atonement of Jesus Christ and has come to know Him on a level that I also hope to reach. Her desire to become like Christ shows as she radiates the light of Christ!

I always admired how much my dad loves her. Dad always says that when he had his accident, mom was the only reason he chose to stay here on earth. Mom takes good care of Dad and she loves him. She accepts him as he is and she does what she can to serve him. They've been together for 42 years and while their marriage has never been perfect, they have pushed through. They've loved each other through all seasons of life.

I love you, mom. Thank you for loving and accepting me. Thank you for continuing to emulate the light of Christ through your testimony and countless examples. You are the rock in my life and my best friend. I so dearly love you, mom! Happy Mother's Day!

Divine Glow

There was a time when I did not feel worthy to enter His house. It felt like the light that I once had just didn't glow anymore. So I nurtured my spirit and focused on wholeness. The light within me began to glow more each day as I recited the mantra: I radiate the light of Christ!

I imagined this light surging through me and I began to truly believe that I radiated this light. In the midst of darkness, I radiated light. Much like this picture I took on Valentine's Day. I radiate the light of Christ! I exude this light in a world filled with darkness. It fulfills my soul and fills me with light and joy.

Fresh Love & Devotion

Recently I felt that a chapter in my life was ending and I needed to do all that I could to wrap it up. God urged to me to do some hard things. I became very vulnerable in so many aspects of my life. Some were easy, others were hard, but I did it. As this chapter ended and a new one began, I felt a shift in focus. My heart was focused on God and Jesus Christ. My desire to heal and to align my will with God's became my priority. I felt a fresh love for myself, God, Christ, and those I deeply loved. I felt a joy that seemed to consume my heart. I constantly repeat the affirmations:

I am a daughter of God. 

I radiate the Light of Christ. 

I am beautiful. 

I am brilliant. 

I am loved.

I am happy!

Each time I recite these truths, I feel my spirit come alive and drink it all up. I feel these truths imprinted on my heart. I feel myself radiating light and have others have pointed this out not even knowing what I've been doing. Tapping into my higher self has helped me see myself as a beautiful, woman of God. It has also opened my spiritual eyes and see others as their higher self. I can sense just a taste of how much God loves His children. 

I'm all in. This fresh love and devotion to my God has opened up this new chapter so beautifully. I am becoming.