Eyes That See

Whether in passing or in conversation, I choose to look at you with eyes that see. I'll look at you with wholeness. Like Heavenly Father and Mother do. I'll admire your heavenly glow and the light that shines in your eyes. I'll remind myself over and over that you are a child of God.I'll pray for you and ask God to watch over you. I'll tell you I love you. Why? Because you are a whole, during all seasons of your life. I'll always choose to look at your higher self, because you are a child of God. You are divine. You are worthy of love and all that God has to offer. I choose to cheer you on, because you and I chose to come here for the same reason. I'll support you. You are whole through and through.

Love Thyself

I'm learning and re-learning and re-learning self-love and confidence. I've been feeling so very out of place lately. I wrote about last week how I had a day from h-e-double hockey sticks. It wasn't the worst day, just a day that I'd really like to not think about ever. again.

I truly believe that the way you think about yourself will affect how you act and what your doing. Realizing that I feel self-conscious and stupid at work is really coming out. This is a huge part of why I'm trying to change the way that I think of myself.

I have been doing everything from prayer to meditation to essential oils. Daily affirmations are happening. Daily pep talks. Daily prayers. I'm writing out my feelings in my journal and getting it all out of my system. I'm trying to strengthen my relationship with my Savior, because He truly gets it. God and I have been chattin' it up and He gets an earful of everything.

 Things will work. I am smart. I am human. I can do hard things. God didn't send me here to fail. It's not the worst. All good things.

Pep Talk and Daily Affirmations

Regardless of the outcome, I will always be good. I will always be divine. I will always be okay. I'm still alive. I'm still breathing. I'm still Marlisa Rock. I'm still strong. God still loves me. I'm so very good. I'm still worthy of love. I'm still worthy of acceptance. I'm still a daughter of God. It's not the worst. You got this. You can do hard things and you can endure hard things. It's a good day. I'm still good. I'm still loved. It's really not the worst. Breathe, you'll be okay. It's going to be a good day. All good things, all good things.

Create.

If you were to ask me if I'm creative, I would laugh in your life. But I love the idea of creativity. I love artists in any form, because individually, they are masters of their own craft. And I look up to them with awe and wish I could be half as great as them. 

And then at family home evening we talked about creativity. We had to chant, "I am a creative person" or something like that. And I hated it. Every. Single. Bit. Of. It. And I ain't be over-dramatic, I'm simply bringing to light about my very feelings on the matter.

So I processed. I'm not an artist. (My seventh grade art teach can attest to that one.)  I don't sew. I don't do crafts. I can't sing. I can't write.  But really though, I can't write. Seriously!!! Why are you crossing out everything I'm saying?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

That was a bit over-dramatic. I'm sorry.

I can write. I don't write like everyone else. We all know my grammar is atrocious. That's okay. I can write. I have my own style. I express myself my own way. I don't write for you. I write for me, but I share with you. I have loved writing since I was a teenager. I love it. It's a big part of me.

I guess I am creative. My own way. Hm...it's really not the worst. Happy Friday and Happy Weekend. See ya'll back on Monday!

I started blogging in 2008. You can check out that blog at http://marlisarock.blogspot.com/. The archives date back to 2010, because I once got really self-conscious and deleted posts from 2008-2009. I think my writing has improved. Or at least I hope it has. Eh, it's not the worst.

Acceptance

I've been studying and thinking and thinking and studying a lot about acceptance. I struggle with self-acceptance and it's always something that I am constantly working on. It's easier to accept other people, because there's that part of me that knows everyone struggles. And then there's that other part of me that would want to be accepted, so I treat others that way.

I've talked to you about Brene Brown and how she's amazing. I've also told you how it's hard for my mind to accept her words and to swallow down my pride when it comes to shame, self-worth, vulnerability etc. I have a past. Boy, do I have a past! And shame is like the un-welcomed uncle that just keeps showing up at your door. I'm human. I struggle. And I struggle with acceptance. And when the day is done and I get ready to go to bed, I look at my phone and see this quote:

“Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.” -Brene Brown

Isn't that what everyone wants? To feel accepted, authentic, and wanted? But--isn't it more powerful when you can accept yourself? Because wouldn't that feeling dispel that need or want to be loved or accepted by others? Wouldn't that satisfy the innate need of belonging?

I don't know my friends. I'm still studying it and thinking about it and applying it. But I believe that Brene Brown is on to something! Happy Thursday, friends.

Becoming (Part Four)

I believe that part of the becoming process is learning to move past shame. To be able to "own your story" as Brene Brown put it and move forward with your head held high. I'd say shame has been something that I've been really hating lately. If there's anything that Satan is really good at, it's shame. And while I prefer to ignore it and hide it under my bed, it always surfaces. It's hard. It's really hard. If you want to learn more about shame, I highly recommend you look into Brene Brown. Her book I Thought It Was Just Me was the book that got me into wanting to learn about shame. This book really hit home with me and it took me several months (yes, months!) to get through it. I couldn't just read it like a page turner. I had to read a little bit, process and internalize what I read, and make a personal connection to it. And sometimes doing just that took several days, even weeks.

Shame says that I am bad. And I honestly feel that way every single day, multiple times a day. I'm not saying this because I want your sympathy or pity. I'm sharing this with you, because everyone feels shame. It's part of the human experience. 

But we don't have to be defined by it! That's part of the becoming process. Working through our emotion and shame and coming out strong. Because regardless of what our story is, we are still worthy of love. The becoming process is knowing that you are good. You are strong and courageous. You are worthy of love. I like that. So much so, that I am working on it. It's not easy, but I know it's worth it, because I am worth. You are worth it. 

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Check out part three of this series here.

A look through the Divine

Self-loathing is real thing. I can't tell you how many times I can look at myself and hate the girl looking back. I see the extra fat, the tired eyes, crazy hair, and fake smile. And when I'm not looking at the mirror, I can rip her apart and really hate the girl inside. I see her demons, failures, trials, and mistakes. Never worthy of joy or love.

I had moment the other day. A father/daughter moment if you will. Through loving chastisement, I was once again, reminded of my identity. I have forgotten who I truly am and where I came from. I took a long look in the mirror and this sweet reminder sparked a desire to change.

God is a Father. He embodies love and mercy. It pains Him to see me hate myself; a daughter that He created in His own image. Through that love and mercy, He sent His son, Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ knows the very hate I feel, because he too, has felt that rage of self-loathing. And because He has felt this, He has paved the way of healing and love. He made change possible, so that I could look at myself with love. He made change possible, so that I could see who I truly am.

I am imperfect. I make mistakes. I have inner demons I deal with. But I am a daughter of a King. He is a Father and one that I hold very dear to my heart. He loves all of me. He see's me as a beautiful Queen. He knows my potential and knows how to help me reach it.

Take a look through the eyes of The Divine. You'll see wonders and feel the warmth of love. Oh how different we would be if we could grasp this knowledge and use it. And we can. With discipline and use of the atonement, we can. We'll be able to see the Kings and Queens within ourselves. We are meant to be royal, for that is who we are.

I practice now looking at the girl in the mirror and learning to see her as He does. And with that comes love. If He loves her, then I surely can. I can love all of her, for she is divine and full of worth.

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sickness of his people.

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmitites, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. -Alma 7:11-12