Marlisa, what do you want to do?

A question that so many have asked me and one that I ask myself. Don't even get me started. There are a lot of things that I want to do. But. (Because there's always a but.) I am scared. I'm scared of failure. I'm scared of rejection. I'm scared of putting myself out there. I'm scared of being vulnerable. I'm just scared.

Good. Let that feeling of fear humble you. Then go. to. work! Believe, believe, believe! Your faith, regardless of how big or small, can change your life. But you have to work through your fears. You have to work! You have to push yourself and believe in yourself. You can do hard things.

It's not the worst.

30 Days

I've written about my struggle with depression and anxiety. Last week I could feel triggers of it and knew that I needed to fight it while I could. But gosh, sometimes it just really hits! I was lying in bed feeling tired and trying to fight the darkness that just wanted to take over. I received a phone notification indicating a new blog post my friend had posted and quickly went to read it. She talked about how she is reading The Book of Mormon in 30 days. It was like a light was turned on in my brain and I decided to do it.

Today marks day 5 of the challenge and I can personally testify that my battle with mental illness has been a breeze. Filling my heart and mind with goodness has been just the medicine to cure the ache inside. I'm learning more about myself, God, and Jesus Christ. The constant reminder of Gods goodness has kept me moving forward. The need for repentance has been a common theme so far and I am realizing just how much I need to continually be repenting. And while sometimes that can be overwhelming, I love that the call for repentance is always followed with a reminder of my Savior.

The goodness continues, stay tuned!

Never Too Late

It's never too late to adjust your course. It's never too late to start again. It's never too late to do good. It's never too late to reach your goals. It's never too late to do His will. It's never too late.

I constantly remind myself that it's never too late for me. I'm only on God's timetable. He will guide me to where He wants me to be. He will guide me as I fulfill my goals and ambitions. It's never too late.

All good things.

Rewriting my thoughts

I've been complaining a lot lately and I've been really mean in my head. If anyone is my worst critic, it's definitely myself. I've really been chewing myself out and crackin' that whip. And what are the benefits of doing this? Nothing. I benefit nothing. And yet, I still do it.

I came across this beautiful post written by the ever beautiful Mara and she shared how she has been changing her language of her thoughts. I agree with her, when she talked about how her thoughts were "burning up energy" that she needed for the day. I realized that I do this very thing. My thoughts are so negative and worried that it exhausts me more than anything. I'm wasting so much energy through negative self-talk that it's literally killing me. 

So after this realization, I repented. I begged God for His forgiveness. Negative thinking is like a slow death. You hate and hate and hate on yourself and you just wait for yourself to bleed until your heart stops. If I understand that I am a daughter of God, then why in the hell would I treat myself as the exact opposite? I can't do it anymore. Because it's blinding me and killing me faster. 

So I am rewriting my thoughts and letting God's love and light fill me. I pray for His help, because God knows that I can't break nearly 26 years of negative self-talk on my own. My thoughts are more encouraging. My thoughts are more kind. And I'm not gonna lie, it's so hard. It's so very hard and sometimes I just sit down and cry and cry. And then I pray and beg for forgiveness and strength. 

The things I choose to do, just so I can fulfill my ministry. Perhaps this shows just how much this mission that I have been entrusted with is to me.

Here is the link to Mara's blog post: http://www.ablogaboutlove.com/2015/08/my-current-tightrope.html

Here is her main blog link: http://www.ablogaboutlove.com/

Purpose through My ministry

When Jesus Christ came to this earth, He had a purpose and fulfilled it through His ministry. That got me thinking about my purpose. I believe that all of us have a purpose to fill in this life. Of course I have a lot to learn and shoes to fill, but with God and our Savior, Jesus Christ, I believe that I'll be able to fill those shoes.

There have been changes in my life recently that have helped me take a step back and really look at myself. Who do I think I am? What do I want to do? Where do I see myself in five years? I've been realizing (especially through job rejection) that I am looking in all the wrong places. God is trying to help me understand His will for me. And I haven't a clue what that is. That's okay though. I'll get there.

I began thinking about Christ and His ministry. And that got me thinking about my personal ministry. So I started to study and immediately turned to the Bible Dictionary.

Ministry. The work of the ministry is to do the work of the Lord on the earth- to represent the Lord among the people, preach the gospel, and administer the ordinances thereof. ...Therefore what he does "according to the will of the Lord is the Lord's business."

 So then I got to thinking that my ministry was really HIS ministry. I've received several blessings that have told me about my mission in my life. That I would be a great influence in bringing others unto Christ. And I've always thought that was cool, but I would just brush it off. It would happen when it happens. It wasn't until recently that I realized that it would only happen, if I kept myself worthy to fulfill that mission.

That mission has become my ministry. And I'm not perfect nor do I feel close to being able to do any of that. So I've been turning a lot to prayer. In the heat of this trial, there's no where else I should be than in the scriptures and on my knees praying to my God for help.

All of this has helped me put a purpose to my trials and pain. A defining (and refining) purpose to help me fulfill my ministry here. Whether that's being a better friend, becoming a wife/mother- whatever. The joy of the gospel of Jesus Christ is priceless and everyone should have it! And God, everyone should know that God lives and that He and Jesus Christ love us so much.

I still have a lot ahead of me. So here I begin again, but this time with a more focused purpose to my ministry. I have a lot of refining to do. A lot of "what lack I yet" and humility. I have a lot to take to the altar of sacrifice and willing let go to follow what He wants me to do. But I believe that it's all possible through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

I love God. I love Him so much. And I recognize more and more that I want to live with Him again. Eternity without God just wouldn't be eternity. So here I am again, turning to Him with the Saviors hand in mine. I want leave this life feeling satisfied and fulfilled knowing that I had done His work and fulfilled my ministry. A life spent in the Lord's work may not be the easiest, but if I trust God, than I know for surety that it will be worth it.

Once upon a time, I couldn't fall asleep, because my mind was set on going running at 6 AM in this morning. So I did. And I puked in the church parking lot. What a lovely start, right? You'd think I would have just turned around and walked home. Ha, no! I said a quick prayer that God would get me through the rest of my workout and He heard my prayer. I finished the workout without dying. I had a realization that I need to treat my body better. So I prayed for forgiveness and promised God that I would do better starting today. It's never too late to make changes. You can start again. And thanks to the atonement of Jesus Christ, I can try again and again. Bonus: I've gotten through half of my to-do list and it's almost 8:30 AM. It's a good Monday! Have a great day! Jesus loves you.

P.S. If you didn't have the chance to attend the Women's Conference last Saturday night, you can go here to watch it. It was wonderful! https://www.lds.org/general-conference?lang=eng

Beat The Blues: Goals & Anxiety Management

Goal making is something I love. I love to make to-do lists and checking off them as I accomplish them. I make daily, weekly, and long-term goals. The issue is I have very little to no motivation when anxiety and depression hit. I look at my to-do list as a burden. It's hard to find motivation when you feel down. I've learned that it's important to have small goals for the day. Here are a few goals that I do and anxiety management to ensure that I have a good productive day.

• Make your bed! You'd be surprised, but while it may be such a small thing, there is a sense of accomplishment in making your bed every morning. It makes it so that I don't feel tempted to climb back in bed and it looks clean. I love a made bed and I love the feeling of climbing into a made bed at night.
• Make a short to-do list. You don't have energy or motivation to do a lot of things. Don't add to your anxiety, by adding more than you handle. It's not a good idea. Pick simple things to do that you can handle.
• GET. OUTSIDE. If you're like me, you don't want to leave your house. Especially during the winter months, I don't want to go out in the cold. Here's the thing, getting some fresh air and being active can really boost your mood. It's winter here and I have been bundling up in layers and going for a walk. I like a burst of cold crisp air, because it wakes me. I walk for however long I want to (even if it is just a block) and sometimes I listen to music while I walk. You do you. 
• Less screen time. Technology is can be so distracting. It's easy to pull out our smart phones or tablets and binge watch Netflix, check Facebook and Instagram. I'm always guilty of this. But here's the thing, I always feel worse about myself when I'm constantly plugged in. I feel unaccomplished or I compare myself. Turn off the phone, TV, laptops-whatever! Unplug, disconnect, and do something. I used to struggle with FOMO (fear of missing out) and would always check FB or Instagram to see what people were doing with their lives or what is happening in the world. I got to the point where I was either tearing myself down or living vicariously through other people's lives. But that's just it, other people were living their lives and I was just sitting there stalking their social media. Not good. Limit your screen time.
• Make your own meals. There's a feeling of accomplishment when you cook your own meals. Don't opt for fast food. Even if it's throwing everything in a crockpot and turning it on. That's an accomplishment that you  are going to enjoy!
• Take deep breaths/meditation. When my anxiety hits, I tend to shut down. I always have to walk myself through deep breaths. I used to hate mediation, but as I've been doing it everyday for 5-10 minutes, it's helped me slow down and simply be. Even if you're at work or in a public place, just take a few deep breaths. It helps.

There are so many ways in which you can manage your anxiety or have more effective goals when you're dealing with mental illness. We're all in this together, so if you have any tips or tricks go ahead and comment below or send an email. Stay tuned for post 3 of the series tomorrow and have a great day! BBBBBBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Money, Money, Money, Mo-ney...MONEY!

If you sang the title and thought of "The Apprentice" then I automatically think you're cool.

Finances have been on my mind lately and that is what this year is alllllll about! Getting. Out. Of. Debt. Thank you to family and friends who have helped me start this year off with a bang! And shout out to the one and only DAVE RAMSEY! If ever given the opportunity to shake his hand, I would easily jump on that! He has been such an inspiration and motivator for me and my family. I've been listening to his radio program and following him on social media. It's so comforting to know that there are other people out there who are taking care of their debt. I can't wait until the day when I can call Dave's radio program and yell "I'M DEBT FREE!"

Getting out of debt is something that has become so important to me. However, it requires a lot of commitment, energy, and sacrifice. Three things that...well yeah, I could do better in. I know it will be worth it, because living a debt-free life means that I am no longer tied down. It offers a lot of freedom.

I've been budgeting and living on a strict 'cash only'  basis. It's hard. So hard. But I know it will be worth it. I know that this is only temporary.

I'll be documenting my journey right here on this blog. If you'd like to share your experience, go ahead and shoot me an email or comment below. It's always so motivating to hear other peoples stories.

Here we go!

***If you are interested in learning more about becoming debt-free and/or want to learn more about Dave Ramsey, click here.

2016

Well here we are 2016! Ended 2015 with family and started 2016 with family. Is there a better way to celebrate? I think not. And no, I didn't fall off the earth, I just wanted to enjoy the Holidays. And yes, I have uploaded several posts that got posted on the day that I started them. Feel free to go back and read those. (All the links are down below.)

Here's to a new year full of goodness. It's already day two and I have already made some changes. New room, new budget, and lots of new books to read! Here we go 2016! Let's make this year a good one!

So you wanna give up?

Then do it! Just stop. Who cares, right? You don't need this! You're busy! You're tired! It's hard!!! No one can stop you. It's your life. You can make your own decisions! It's not like anything is making a difference anyways so... You've wasted enough time on this. You don't need this! It's not worth it. You're not worth it. You're tired of feeling this way so... Yeah, give up. Just stop.

stop.

just stop.

Or you could...

Breathe. It's hard, I get it. I have felt it; experienced it for myself. I'm still experiencing it. Just breathe. It's okay. You're okay. The worst that can happen is that everything is going to be okay. You got this. You're better than this. You are worthy of tackling hard things. You can do hard things! Yes, you! So you have some scraped knees and elbows; could be worse. Just keep going. There's so much support for you. There's so much love for you. You've come this far, just a little further. You don't have to take it all at once. Take one day at a time. One day at a time is all you're given anyways. You can do this. You can make it! You will make it. Just breathe right now and then start again. Start where you're at.

I know that God knows you and loves you! You are His. He created you. He is your Father. Oh how He dearly wishes you would embrace His presence and love. You are worthy of His love always. What matters to you, matters to Him. Whatever concerns you, concerns Him. He won't let you go. No, He will never let you go! He can be your support right this very second! Don't you dare give up! He doesn't want you to. He knows and understands. 

I know that Jesus Christ knows you and loves you! He is the best big Brother anyone could ask for. He has endured the hardest of trials. His love and sacrifice for you is the biggest blessing in your life. You can latch on to Him and know that He too has endured your pain. The deep feelings of pain, failure, and wanting to give up have all been felt by Him too.

You're not alone. You were not sent here to feel alone and fail. No, you are meant to fly! You are meant for better, bigger things! You are worthy of God and Jesus Christ's love and light. Their love and light will literally fill you. If you allow them, they can warm your heart. But you have to let them. They can't warm a cold heart that chooses to remain cold. You have to let them in. Open the door to them, even if it's hard. You can do hard things, just like they have done hard things. You are not alone. Don't give up. Just keep going. 

I pray for you. I wish and hope the best for you. I know together we can do hard things. We are meant to live a beautiful, happy life here. Yes, life happens and we have human experiences. We are not alone. We got this. We'll take one step at a time, one day a time. 

Don't give up. Don't you ever give up! Keep going! :)

“Don't you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in Good Things to Come.” -Elder Jeffrey R. Hollands [Source here]

[Source found here]

"So keep on climbing though the ground might shake.

Just keep on reaching though the limb might break.

We've come this far, don't you be scared now.

'Cause you can learn to fly on the way down."  

Preparing

With the new year coming, I've been prepping for my 2015 goals. I'm ready to get back into the saddle. I've slowly been putting my life back together. Now that I feel like I'm mentally and emotionally stable, I can now start working on other areas of my life.

If you follow me on Pinterest, then you've probably seen my "2015 Goals" board. I've been pinning all sorts of things from clean eating and work outs to organization. I've put the final touches to my goal plans and am ready to carry them out. Let's take a sneak peek:

Physically: It's not about how many pounds and inches I lose. I can't look at it that way. I feel like if I set a certain amount of weight to lose, then I just get discouraged. I'm fortunate enough to have a mother who loves health! She's been a wonderful example to me. Even then, I still had to know for myself the 'why'. I have been doing an extensive research this past month to learn about why eating clean is necessary and why daily exercise is important. You bet I've been watching all sorts of YouTube videos and reading health articles and blogs. I've done my research and have carefully put together my goals. Running will be a bittersweet beginning, but I love to run, so it shouldn't be too bad. And vegetables? I actually love vegetables, I just need to eat them more. But thanks to the recipes I've collected, I'm actually ready to eat clean. I'm looking forward to detoxing.

Mentally: My mom (who is a health fanatic) sent me an email about meditation. Meditation can actually change your brain and enhance your overall well-being. (Read the article here.) I'll also be continuing my relaxation techniques. I don't know about you, but my mind is constantly running and it takes me a long time to fall asleep. I came across a relaxation app that I love and have been using it every night before bed. It soothes and calms my mind, so that I am able to fall asleep. It's been wonderful!

Emotionally: I have been seeing a counselor for about a month and she is absolutely amazing! I always thought that counselling was good, but just wasn't for me. I've done counselling before, but it wasn't working for me. I'm 24 and finally decided for myself that I needed a counselor to talk about my problems. My counselor was not only kind, but has helped me overcome some of my weaknesses. By doing this, I've been able to take more control over my emotions and to deal with them in a positive way, rather than bottling them up. (I'm not saying that counselling is for everyone. However if you feel like you could use some professional help, counselling may be a good option.)

Spiritually: I really want to continue on coming to know my Savior. I've been re-building my foundation on Him. I need Him more than anything right now. I'll be going back to the basics. You know, reading my scriptures (especially The Book of Mormon), praying etc. I've however decided to do the Young Women's Personal Progress program. I received my Young Womanhood Recognition about 9 years ago, but for some reason, I felt impressed to do it again. I'm kind of really excited!

That was a lot. I assure you my goals are few and simple. I think the simpler the goal, the easier it will be to accomplish it! Do you have your goals for the new year? I want to hear about them! Perhaps we could swap ideas, tips, and tricks. Also, do you have Instagram? You can find me as missmarlirock. I post quite regularly there. You get to see a smidgen of my life there. :) Let's do this!

A Personal Interview

This last Sunday, Elder M Russell Ballard came to talk to fourteen YSA stakes in the valley at the BYU Marriot Center. His loving concern and bold remarks really hit me. (In the best way of course.) He counseled each one of us to take some time to be alone and have a personal interview with ourselves. He asked to make a list of those things that we know we need to repent of and change. He asked us to think about where we see ourselves in six months. He then asked us to make goals for ourselves, so that we can make those necessary changes and to be where we see ourselves in six months from now. He then re-iterated the importance of our righteous intentions:

What are your true intentions and desires of your heart?

This question sunk deep down into my heart and I sat there and thought about it. I had never really thought about them up until then.

Later that afternoon, I did exactly what Elder Ballard asked and had my personal interview. I made my lists and prayerfully set my goals. It felt so good to be able to take a step back and re-align myself with God's will. It felt so good to be vulnerable to the Lord. It felt so good to ponder about the desires and intentions of my heart and to see how those will affect my goals.

I made a goal that needed to be done by Tuesday. I told my roommate about it and made a commitment to getting it done. It was huge step for me. One that I really didn't want to make. And boy did Satan work so hard on me. I let fear overcome me and I started rationalizing why I shouldn't take this step. I then immediately went to a dear friend of mine who gave me a blessing. Oh how I cherish each Priesthood blessing that I receive. Those blessings (especially now) are much needed. As he put his hands on my head, I felt instant peace wash over me. God reminded me the "special work" that was in store for me and asked me to continue in faith as I begin the walk into the unknown. After the blessing, I courageously did what I needed to do. Not only was I able to accomplish my first goal, but I made huge progress. I couldn't help but smile as I sat there at my desk, knowing that I had done what God asked me to do.

Since then, the unknown has been dark, but as I've been filling myself with God's light and keep the eternal perspective, it's carried me through it. I invite you to do as Elder Ballard counseled. Take that time to evaluate where you are and where you want to be. What changes do you need to make? What are your true intentions and desires of your heart?

The Lord is hastening His work. He needs all of us to help Him. I firmly believe that the Lord has something special for each one of His children to do here on earth. He needs you ready, so when the time is right, He can call upon you to do His will. If for some reason you feel like you're not ready or even worthy, then I say start now. "You can do it now!" as Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf boldly said. The atonement is easily and readily accessible. This is something that I have been recognizing in my own life. Ever since I decided to use it in my life, it has begun to make a difference.

"We acknowledge that your path will at times be difficult. But I give you this promise in the name of the Lord: rise up and follow in the footsteps of our Redeemer and Savior, and one day you will look back and be filled with eternal gratitude that you chose to trust the Atonement and its power to lift you up and give you strength." -Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf "You can do it now!"

I hope your week is going well and that God is continuing to pour out His love and blessings to you. Also, Jesus loves you.

Not My Will

Sunday was quite lovely. I can happily say that with a smile on my face. Church was beautiful beyond measure! Ward conference was absolutely  what I needed. Each meeting was just spot on. It was a lot to take in - I was scribbling down notes like mad. 

The afternoon was quiet and relaxing. No meetings = nap time! (I'm pretty sure that I had a dream about Harry Potter.) I got settled into my bed and started reading a book on my phone. I am currently reading "Growing Up Duggar" which is surprisingly good. (Book review on this coming soon) Somewhere in there, I fell asleep and woke up to my roommates laughing in the kitchen. (And goodness, they are soooo funny!!!)

Sunday night started off rough, but ended so beautifully! I feel so blessed to have wonderful people in my life. I had a good chat with my older brother on the phone who gave me great counsel. I received a blessing that gave me strength. I talked to some dear friends, who definitely cheered me up and helped me get back on my feet. I feel so blessed!

This was on my mind today:

How can I boldly say this to my Heavenly Father? How can I fully give my whole heart and will to Him? One of the few things that I want to do is to be able to fully give and dedicate my life to the Lord. I'm realizing very quickly that I can't just make this decision on a whim. I wish I could, but I can't. However, I'm building up to it. "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass." It's a constant process. The more obedient I am, the more trust I have in Him. Trust always makes the decision easier to make. I am just grateful that God accepts me as I am right now. That He accepts the fact that I struggle to give Him my whole heart. He understands that and He knows that I am trying. And that's good enough for now. I have a lot of time to continue progressing.