Free-write: Women's Conference

My spiritual canteen is already brimming and I have so many thoughts. A free-write if you will.

LDS General Conference has officially begun! Women's conference was absolutely stellar! I did my daily meditation beforehand, so that I could have a clear mind and heart. This conference is different for me because I actually have questions. It's so important for me to have my mind and heart in the right place, because I desire personal revelation.

It began with a bang! I only had one burning question for this session and Sister Jean B. Bingham answered that in the first two minutes! She spoke of using the light of the gospel to see others clearly. During my healing process (which you can read here and here.), it has been absolutely vital for me to see my higher self. Keeping my covenants and doing what I should be doing has been the solution. Because I've been doing this consistently, I have found that I haven't been shaming myself as often. I view myself differently. I'm not perfect, but I'm trying to do my best. I prayed beforehand for ways to see others differently. What was the solution to that? Charity.

"And no one can assist in this work except he shall be humble and full of love, having faith, hope, and charity, being temperate in all things, whatsoever shall be entrusted to his care." -D&C 12:8

 Can you imagine how differently this world would be if we all had charity? It's the pure love of Christ! That's powerful! If we spoke more positively about each other and encouraged each other, I believe people would react differently. Life is hard. At the very least, we can share Christ-like love to each other. We all came here for the same purpose. It's not a race to the finish line.

Sister Bingham went on to talk about one of my very favorite things. Progression. The beauty and reality of the gospel of Jesus Christ is that anyone can improve. It's through the atonement of Jesus Christ that makes change possible. I love this truth so much, because it gives me hope. We're all trying to do our best in this life. And gosh! This life can just really suck sometimes! We're all humans having our own human experience. We struggle. We make mistakes. We're not perfect. BUT. We can consistently try to improve every single day, multiple times a day! I've personally found that God cares more that I'm sincerely trying to be better. There really can be sweetness during the bitterness of life! We were not sent here to fail! We have each other! We can embrace improvement in each other! We can love and support each other.. If we have charity, we're more kind, patient, humble, and seek the good in others. Sister Bingham encouraged us to commit to work together and to embrace the beauty in each other.

Sister Carole M. Stephens really hit it on the nail and talked about the healing power of the atonement of Jesus Christ. She urged all of us to recommit ourselves to the Savior. No more hiding. No more covering our sins. No more feeling alone. Her call to repentance and commitment to God and our covenants, was so moving to me. She had such tenderness in her voice as she spoke of the atonement of Jesus Christ. She recited the sweet words that Jesus Christ spoke to the Americas:

"Will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?" -3 Nephi 9:13

I've always loved this verse, because here's Jesus Christ extending an invitation for healing. And every time I read this verse, I can't help but feel the ache of His plea. He wants to heal us. He will meet us where we are and gently holds our hand through the chaos of life. You don't have to carry your burden alone. You don't have to suffer alone. You are not alone!

I've written before about how I am still finding my Savior here. The past few weeks, I've been able to find Him more. Cleansing my inner vessel can only be done properly if I turn to Him. I had to move past my selfish tendencies and cling to Him. I haven't felt lonely. In fact, I've felt the sweetness of His love. It's purifying. It's a driving force in the right direction.

Do you feel His love? Do you hear his plea to let Him heal you? My dear friends, I testify to you that your Savior, Jesus Christ wants you. He loves you. He's walked your path, felt your sweetest joys and bitter pain. The first few steps towards Him, may be hard, but I promise you that they will ultimately change your course. His love is fortifying and will strengthen you in the best way. Because of Him, you can change. You can become your higher and best self. He knows and sees the divinity within you. He will always help you. All you have to do is open the door.

My heart is literally bursting with joy as I think about the goodness of God! You know I love my God more than anything! He is my Father in Heaven and my relationship with Him means the world to me. This session of conference really hit home to me. I needed a reminder that God's perfect plan of happiness was prepared beforehand. All because of love. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf reminded me that I can't change God's will, but God will empower me to do His will. I can testify that is true, because I've personally seen this in my life recently. I've been doing hard things and making a lot of changes, because I am trusting the path he has set before me. My faith in Him has been strengthened each day as I continually choose to follow Him. Has it been easy? Absolutely not. However, my faith in His plan for me is what's keeping me going. He's never forsaken me.

Earlier this year, I went through a really hard trial. Because of my faith and love for my Heavenly Father, I was never mad at Him. I never blamed Him. I knew He had a plan for me. But gosh, it was hard! Looking back, I can clearly see how he prepared the way for me. I'm where He needs me to be. Honestly, I'm so happy where I am. I'm in a good place, because of Him.

Dear friends, I testify that your God knows and loves you. He sees you as the divine son or daughter of God that you are. You are His. Literally. He created you in His image. He created a beautiful plan of happiness all because He loves you and wants you for eternity! Like President Uchtdorf said, God will never force you to follow Him. He didn't do that in the pre-existence and He won't do that now. But He will always love you. He will always be there for you. He will always help you. You're worth it to Him. I can't really fathom the great magnitude of love He has for me, but I have felt His love and I can testify that it is so good. God is good, He is oh so good.

All good things. It's never the worst when you have God and Jesus Christ on your side! Just sayin'!

Wounds with Healing

"Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world."

"And it came to pass that the multitude went forth, and thrust their hands into his side, and did feel the prints of the nails in his hands and in his feet; and this they did do, going forth one by one until they had all gone forth, and did see with their eyes and did feel with their hands, and did know of a surety and did bear record, that it was he, of whom." - 3 Nephi 11:14-15

It's one thing to see something, but a completely different experience to feel it. In His glory, he willing exposed Himself in such a way that people could touch and feel His marks. Each mark symbolizing the greatest sacrifice of love. Everyone in the multitude got to witness Him in such a unique way. Going before Him and literally feeling those marks.

I tried to imagine this for myself. He freely opens Himself to me, beckoning me to feel those marks of love. Because I'm stubborn, I just look at them. His invitation never closes. He still beckons me over. So I take a few steps forward, then a few more until I am inches away. Like the multitude, He asks me to touch His wounds. I reach out tracing those marks ever so gently as a wave of emotion takes over me.There's no way anyone could ever feel those marks without feeling His love.

When I feel broken inside and those pieces are scattered on the ground, He comes. He comes and picks up those pieces with His wounded hands. Those parts of me that I fear will never be mended, He heals with His love. And it doesn't matter how many times I feel broken, He will always be there to heal me.

I'm still finding my Savior in different aspects of my life. He's still there and I guess that's all that matters. I'm still feeling and connecting with His wounds. Funny how I keep finding healing in those wounds.

Finding My Savior

I struggle to find my Savior sometimes. I trust so fully in God that I think that is enough. Deep inside I know that I can't have one without the other. The two make an eternal pair that help me reach my eternal destiny. I try to hold on to the times where I have deeply felt His love.

The other day I was thinking about why I have such a tendency to brush Him aside. If I truly love my God and trust Him, then shouldn't I be able to fully trust my Savior? I've always heavily relied on my God to help, comfort, and provide for me. A part of me feels like if I begin to rely on Christ more, then I won't have a balanced relationship with Him and God. I know, that sounds ridiculous. Another part of me, maybe a bigger part, is that I feel unworthy of His love and mercy. (Satan is a jerk!)

I've made a goal to read the New Testament, because reading stories of Jesus and His life, seemed like the right idea. A story that has always been my favorite, is when Jesus comes to Mary and Martha as they feel deep sorrow for the loss of their brother Lazarus.

"Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.

 When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,"

 And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see.

 Jesus wept.

 Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him!" -John 11:32-36

 I love this raw emotion that it pained the Savior to purely see how Mary was feeling, but also that He too lost a dear friend. I best find my Savior when I too feel deep pain. It seems the older that I get, the harder the trials are and the deeper the pain has become. Through that heartache, I find Him. I imagine Him seeing me cry and He too crying with me as He did with Mary.

I'm not perfect. I'm human. But even He understands the human part of me and the joy that perfection will be if I hold true. I'll keep searching for Him daily. I'll keep trying to see His hand in my life each day.

I will always find Him, but even better, He never lost me. He has been with me the whole time. I just wasn't paying attention.

Very grateful for second, third, and millions of chances to try again and improve.

It's not the worst. All good things, my dears.

 

 

Plain and Precious Truths #6

"Behold, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou art an elect lady, whom I have called."

"Murmur not because of the things which thou has not see, for they are withheld from thee and from the world, which is wisdom in me in a time to come." 

"And the office of thy calling shall be for a comfort unto my servant, Joseph Smith, Jun., thy husband, in his afflictions, with consoling words, in the spirit of meekness."  

-D&C 25 3-5

Emma Smith is one of the women that I look up to. She's a strong woman who endured through much pain and affliction. I can't imagine being in her shoes and having to carry the burdens that she had. I love this chapter in Doctrine and Covenants, because it was revelation specifically for her. I had a tender moment as I read this chapter, because it I could feel the love that God had specifically for her. God saw her as His precious daughter. Amongst all the pain she went through, God was with her.

I absolutely adored that she was called to be a comfort to her husband. Seriously, relationship goals right there. More than anything, I desire to be there for my (future) husband to love and support him. Emma was a solid example of that as she supported Joseph Smith through such horrendous times. I believe Emma is an example of continuing to follow the Lord, even through so much heartache. She truly is an elect lady and one that I admire so deeply.

Read the last entry of the series here: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/07/plain-and-precious-truths-5.html

Here's a beautiful song about Emma Smith sung by Katherine Nelson.

Never had an ordinary day,

never lived your life in an ordinary way.

For everything  you loved, you paid a price,

But you couldn't let the world see your cry.

Never had a moment of peace,

never felt the sunlight, when your worries set you free.

Every time your life turned a page,

it seemed like your heart might break.

Chorus:

With the world on your shoulders, when the nights had grown colder,

you seemed to weather every storm with a Queen's grace.

And when you lost your husband, when you buried your children,

I'm sure the angels stood in reverence as your prayed.

How much can one heart take?

How much can one heart take?

Never had a day to call your own.

when so many needed your warm heart as a home.

 Whispering a mother's lullaby, as you sat alone by the fire.

Chorus x 2

I'm sure you heart breaks, when some people still say

somewhere down the line you lost your faith.

How much can one heart take?

How much one heart take?

Plain and Precious Truths #5

"O how marvelous are the works of the Lord, and how long doth he suffer with his people." -Mosiah 8:20

These sweet words brought so much peace into my heart. We don't nor have we ever suffered alone. Even when we often feel that, we truly never were or are alone. I testify to you that your God and Savior, Jesus Christ know you. They love you. Through the atonement of Jesus Christ, no one suffers alone. Ever. Christ knows you. He understands you. His love for you is priceless. "Oh sweet the joy." You are not alone, my dear friends. You are not alone.

Last entry: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/06/plain-precious-truths-4.html

Plain & Precious Truths #4

"And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions." Mosiah 24:14 

This scripture is one of sweet, sweet comfort. I feel like this year has been one of many trials. It seems like when one problem is solved, two more pop up. God has pulled me though each trial one by one. All of this so that I may stand as a witness and testify of God and His goodness. This scripture really puts that into perspective.

Read part 3 here: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/05/plain-and-precious-truths-3.html

NOTE: No blog tomorrow, because Sunday will be my special post all about my Dad! You know, since it's Father's Day...

Plain and Precious Truths #3

"And when I did turn unto my closet, O Lord, and prayed unto thee, thou didst hear me.

"Yea, thou art merciful unto thy children when they cry unto thee, to be heard of thee and not of men, and thou wilt hear them." Alma 33:7-8

No prayer of ours goes unheard. Sometimes in the depth of my prayer, I can feel someone listening on the other side. Other times, God really tests my faith, because I have to keep telling myself that He is listening when I don't feel it.

The beauty of prayer is that we are purely conversing with the Lord. He hears us. He hears our deepest desires, our raw emotions, our purest joys, our gratitude, and our beg for forgiveness. He hears all of that! He loves that! He loves when we talk to Him. He is full of mercy and He wants to bless and comfort us.

Prayer can work mighty miracles, because we are praying to a mighty God who is eager to help us!

 Here is the last post in this series: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/05/plain-and-precious-truths-2.html

Plain and Precious Truths #2

"And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember and always retain in remembrance the greatness of God and your own nothingness and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel.

And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true.

And ye will not have a mind to injure one another, but to live peaceably." -Mosiah 4:11-13

This little snippet really hit home to me. First off, Mosiah 9 is one of my fave chapters in The Book of Mormon, because I LOVE GOD!!! You know this, I know this, we all know this! I've read this chapter a million-bajillion times! But this last time, I had a though that really hit home to me. If I humbly come unto to God, not only will I be filled with  His love and goodness, but I "will not have a mind to injure one another."

And that includes me. I won't have a mind to tear myself apart. I won't feel compelled to self-sabotage, when good things are happening. I'll learn to see and love the way God does. I like that. I like that a lot.

Plain and Precious Truths #1

"And when Enoch had heard these words, he bowed himself to the earth, before the Lord, and spake before the Lord, saying: Why is it that I have found favor in thy sight, and am but a lad, and all the people hate me; for I am slow of speech; wherefore am I thy servant?

"And the Lord said unto Enoch: Go forth and do a I have commanded thee, and no man shall pierce thee. Open thy mouth and it shall be filled, and I will give thee utterance, for all flesh is in my hands, and I will do as seemeth me good."

"Say unto this people: Choose ye this day, to serve the Lord God who made you."

"Behold my Spirit is upon you, wherefore all thy words will I justify; and the mountains shall flee before you, and the rivers shall turn from their course; and thou shalt abide in me, and I in you; therefore walk with me." -Moses 6:31-34

My friends, I came across this beauty last week and was floored! I posted it on my Instagram, because it was THAT good! Do you ever feel inadequate, because I do like ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!!! Ooooohhh but these words of scripture touched my soul. You see, here's Enoch expressing his own inadequacies to the Lord. Do you do that? I do.

Everyone feels inadequate. That's part of the human experience. Duh! But for real tho, God knew Enoch's potential. If God is going to call someone to press forward with His work, then God is going to pick the right person!  He doesn't let our inadequacies dim our true identity! He purely sees us. And so what does He do? He encourages Enoch to follow Him. He assures Enoch that He will help him every step of the way. And Enoch stays true to His God and we all know how the story ends. He walks with God. Woah.

The Lord has asked me to do His will. And I hesitantly lay my inadequacies before the Lord with my head held low. And perhaps I might be like Enos who "wrestled" with the Lord. And I might be like Enoch who asked, "Why is it that I have found favor in thy sight?" But I believe that like Enoch, God is still there beckoning us to follow Him. And like Enoch, God assures us that if we are for Him, He will be for us.

We can all do hard things, because God is good. God is love. And God is always there. Oh sweet the joy!