Connected to Him

I had a small moment of gratitude for my Savior, Jesus Christ last Sunday. I was feeling all sorts of emotions and anxiety. I felt so disconnected from the people around me, my family, and myself. So when the sacrament came around, I really wasn't feeling it. And then I realized why it's important to take the sacrament. It's a time where I can so intimately and deeply connect with Him. That changed my whole perception and I partook. I felt so deeply connected to my Savior. It was a humbling experience that brought a lot of peace to my hear. It was a small moment, but it really testified to me how important my Savior is to me. He knows me, He knows my pain and my joy. He gets it. I'm so eternally grateful that I can connect to Him. I've posted a video below of violinist and YouTuber Lindsey Stirling. I love this video, especially her sweet testimony of Jesus Christ at the end. Enjoy! Merry Christmas!!!

#ASaviorIsBorn

As I've gotten older, I have noticed more how my heart and mind are more turned to Him, especially during this season. As we begin this beautiful Christmas season, I wanted to share some special posts about our Savior, Jesus Christ. He holds a very special place in my heart and my life. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints released this special video yesterday. It was wonderfully done and I am so excited to share it with you. Let's begin with this video.

***You can visit christmas.mormon.org for more information.***

***If you'd like to read my Christmas series from last year, click here, here, and here. It's a three-part series***

***For those of you who may be unfamiliar with the parable of The Ten Virgins, you can click here to watch the video clip or read it here.***

[Image source here]

I taught Relief Society this last Sunday about spiritual and temporal welfare. Due to the time constraint, we briefly went over temporal welfare and ended with a video clip of The Ten Virgins. My heart broke as I watched the five foolish women stand outside the door of the Bridegroom. Can you imagine being told that you do not know Christ and having the door shut in your face? All because you were unprepared? I don't want to know what that's like. And I don't want you to know what that's like!

I needed this reminder, not just temporally, but spiritually! Oh this is the time to prepare to meet our maker! I am always having to remind myself to more fully give my will to God. And sometimes it's hard. I feel like even at my young age, I'm so distracted by all the big decisions that I need to make that I fail to remember that my life should be in the service of God. Am I ever grateful for second and third chances that are given to humble myself and get back on path.

I want to be prepared for that day! I want to be a strong woman of faith who has withstood the evils of the world. I want to be there when He comes again in His glory. I want to be able to look back at my life knowing that I had tried my best and had done what the Lord asked me to do. I want to be able to have those memories of being the Lord's vessel in bringing others unto Christ.

Prepare yourself spiritually to be an instrument in God's hands. Oh how he will bless  you both spiritually and temporally! Through God you can do all things! Ancient and modern-day prophets have testified of this truth!

I promise you that you don't want to be one of the five foolish women outside the Bridegrooms door! You don't have to be. You weren't destined for that. You were destined for glory! Eternal life is worth it! We can prepare for it! And we can have it! Through Him, we can have it! We have all the tools to help us get there. We can endure to the end by careful and prayerful preparation!

Silent Conviction

Personal Credence: I think it's okay to have moments in which you don't necessarily have to come out and speak on certain issues. You can still hold strong to your own deep convictions without speaking.
***
I have so many things that I want to say regarding the recent news of the Mormon church. However, I've kept myself silent on the matter. I don't feel the need to add my own spiel on it. I have my own convictions and I will silently stand by them. Does it mean that I don't care? Absolutely not. I do care- a lot actually! Does it mean that I am intimidated or scared to share? Absolutely not!

I think many people have already voiced their opinions on the matter and I don't see the need to add mine to it. I've read too much negativity the last few days to even have a desire to share my opinion. So, no. I will keep to myself my thoughts and feelings.

Hats off to You Veterans

Today is Veterans Day and my heart has been brimming with gratitude. I'm lucky enough to live in a country where many have dedicated their life to serving and protecting America. Am I ever grateful for those men and women who work hard to give me the freedoms that I have.

I'm lucky to have family members and friends who have served America and am I ever grateful for them. They truly are wonderful and I am grateful to have them in my life. My respect for them is through the roof!

There is so much that I want to say, but honestly, I can't find the right words. So I'll just say thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! May God continue to watch over you and your loved ones. Because of you, I am inspired to live my life more fully and more wisely. It's because of you that I have this opportunity to make someone of myself. So thank you! Thank you for your service.

Moment of Honesty: Self-Sabotage

I have a habit of ruining good things for myself. I reach an unbelief that clouds my mind and hardens my heart. And so I ruin it. I see it as protecting myself from any potential pain. I've been cut enough to know better. I would rather disappoint myself than to have someone or something ruin it for me.

It's time to break this habit and experience life.

When our paths crossed...

Personal Credence: I believe that there is no harm in following even the smallest of promptings. If you feel it, DO IT.
***

I once read that if you feel prompted to do something, DO IT! Here's the catch, it doesn't have to be a big impression; if you have even the slightest thought or feeling, DO IT!

I've been doing this. It first started off small and the more I've been doing it, I've been realizing how many good things I think of that I just quickly dismiss. For example, I often think that I should read my scriptures for a little bit or send a text to someone telling them I am thinking of them. I've been trying to be more obedient to those things.

The other night, I woke up early in the wee hours of the night and had a thought that I should go to the Temple. I thought about it and then went back to sleep. Much later in the day, near the close of my shift at work, I had the thought again that came with a sense of urgency. I gave in and went right after work. After the session, I typically sit in the Celestial room for a while to gather my thoughts and pray, but I didn't this time. I sat there for maybe 5 minutes and then decided to go home. I bundled up and started walking out the door. The walk home began and I walked quickly in the crisp fall air. I had been following this girl and if anyone knows me, I like to keep distance from people, so I crossed the street. After I was a little half way to my apartment, the girl crossed the street and we were walking side by side. So as per usual, she starts talking to me. What I thought would be a brief conversation, turned into a wonderful conversation that ended with a hug. She was the sweetest girl alive! We talked about everything from books to dating to Buzzfeed food experiments! She was radiant and had a bright feeling about her. I felt so grateful to be in her presence and so grateful to know her. The silly thing is, I can't remember her name for the life of me. But I do know she lives a block away from me and as we parted ways, she and I hoped we would run into each other again.

She was the reason that I was supposed to go to the Temple. I was supposed to meet her and am I grateful that I did. I may not ever see her again, but I am grateful that our paths have crossed. She was probably just being her friendly self, but what she may not know is that I enjoyed being in her company. I felt so good being in her presence and feeling her light. It really lifted my spirits and I was already pretty happy.

There are going to be times that you're going to do something that you might not be sure why. That's okay! Just trust yourself. If you feel or think of something good to do, however big or small it is, DO IT. There's no harm in doing good. Happy Thursday!

Happy November!!!

It's November already?! What the crazy! November is one of my favorite months because of Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Shout out to you readers who have been submitting your blog post requests, most of which are the continuation of my Love Letter and Becoming Series. I assure you there are more to come. I was also asked if I would do a giveaway and you know what, I just might do that. Maybe. No guarantees. But it's likely. Very likely. I don't know, it might be like a pineapple or something. If you don't like that then you know, haters gonna hate. Also, I was asked to do beauty tutorials... Yeah...uh,no! I don't do beauty tutorials because I feel like that would make everyone feel incredibly uncomfortable. But thank you for the suggestion.

Embrace the Awkward

I'm the Queen of Awkward. I'm notorious for having an awkward conversation and/or inserting an awkward pause mid conversation. I'm so good at saying things that come out awkward. That's what I do. And I promise it's not on purpose. No, I think it stems from being a "loner" and not developing a lot of social skills as a young girl. I don't know. So if ever you to run into me and strike up a conversation, consider yourself warned that the potential of any awkwardness that may will pursue is not my fault. You got yourself into that mess. (Kidding, kidding...but really tho.) But if you're mean to me, I'll make sure to make it even more awkward just to see you squirm. #hatersgonnahate

Love Letters #6

"I've bee thinking a lot about myself lately. Not in the selfish sense, but more so in the sense that I want to love myself. It's hard, because I know my flaws and I see my curves. I'm trying to be chain breaker, but breaking 25 years worth of self-loathing is hard. But I'm trying. I only take one day at a time, because that's all that I'm given. While I do want to be beautiful for you, I first want to be beautiful to me. I'm accepting myself as the imperfect human being that I am. I believe in change. I believe in God. I believe in using the atonement everyday. I'm not perfect at loving myself, but I can say that I'm more accepting of myself the more I work at it. I'm not changing for you. I'm changing for me. And I think that's a big part of love. To not only be better, but to consistently trying to be better. Being more accepting of myself helps me be more accepting of you and others. I love you."

***
Read here for the last love letter, you know, if that's your thing.

Becoming (Part Three)

I was sitting in a devotional tonight and Elder M Russell Ballard said the words "becoming and overcoming" and I couldn't get it out of my mind. Part of the becoming process also requires overcoming. Overcoming things in your life is change. The more we overcome, the more becoming we are. I like that.

A Stranger's Kindness

Person Credence #3 - I believe that genuine kindness is one of the best characteristics.

***

I'm sure I looked like a wreck. I saw my reflection in the mirror, I saw my red eyes. It was like someone had turned on a faucet and tears where just streaming. Of course I buried my face in my hands. I wasn't quite sure what I was feeling, but that didn't stop the tears. Yes, I have been a bit unsettled lately, but tears, really? And while wallowing, I felt a gentle hand on my back. I just kept crying, because last time I remembered, a girl I didn't know sat down by me. But she comforted me in my time of heartache. I still don't know who she was, but that few minutes or so that I cried, she rubbed my back. And while touch is something I am quite fond of, it was oddly-somewhat soothing. And maybe that's because I didn't see who she was? I don't know. I appreciate her kindness- her genuine kindness towards someone that she doesn't know.

I really liked how being kind was something that Cinderella's mother encouraged her to be. (Have you seen the movie?) I've always been told that kindness was one of my characteristics. It's something that I cherish and will always have. I've been a recipient countless of times of people who have shown me kindness in the last 25 years. My parents taught me to be kind. I've seen my family members extend kindness in different ways. It's a part of me.

To the girl who showed kindness to me last night in the Temple, thank you. I don't have to know who you are to know that you are kind person. Your actions proved that to me and to others around you. I will pay it forward.

A look through the Divine

Self-loathing is real thing. I can't tell you how many times I can look at myself and hate the girl looking back. I see the extra fat, the tired eyes, crazy hair, and fake smile. And when I'm not looking at the mirror, I can rip her apart and really hate the girl inside. I see her demons, failures, trials, and mistakes. Never worthy of joy or love.

I had moment the other day. A father/daughter moment if you will. Through loving chastisement, I was once again, reminded of my identity. I have forgotten who I truly am and where I came from. I took a long look in the mirror and this sweet reminder sparked a desire to change.

God is a Father. He embodies love and mercy. It pains Him to see me hate myself; a daughter that He created in His own image. Through that love and mercy, He sent His son, Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ knows the very hate I feel, because he too, has felt that rage of self-loathing. And because He has felt this, He has paved the way of healing and love. He made change possible, so that I could look at myself with love. He made change possible, so that I could see who I truly am.

I am imperfect. I make mistakes. I have inner demons I deal with. But I am a daughter of a King. He is a Father and one that I hold very dear to my heart. He loves all of me. He see's me as a beautiful Queen. He knows my potential and knows how to help me reach it.

Take a look through the eyes of The Divine. You'll see wonders and feel the warmth of love. Oh how different we would be if we could grasp this knowledge and use it. And we can. With discipline and use of the atonement, we can. We'll be able to see the Kings and Queens within ourselves. We are meant to be royal, for that is who we are.

I practice now looking at the girl in the mirror and learning to see her as He does. And with that comes love. If He loves her, then I surely can. I can love all of her, for she is divine and full of worth.

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sickness of his people.

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmitites, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. -Alma 7:11-12 

I'm not a Photographer

I haven't posted many pictures on here from my actual camera. I typically post a lot on Instagram, so if you follow me, you'll see more picture there. So here we go:

I started making a vision/inspiration/whatever board. It's slowly coming together. It's just a piece of cardboard that I got from work. I originally was going to cut it into a puzzle piece and then spray paint it, but you know...I'm lazy. And also, un-crafty. I haven't found anything to put in the middle yet, but at least I have the edges done.

My niece is adorable in her 'Boo' Halloween costume! My sister in-law made it from scratch. She's basically a domestic woman! But man, isn't my niece the cutest?!

I spend a lot of time here in the Provo Temple. It's the perfect getaway.

I was waiting at the Lehi Frontrunner station and the moon was ginormous! I think I read somewhere that it was a 'super moon' and let's just say, it really was. Also, did I tell you I'm not a photographer? In my defense, I took this on my phone and I have yet to learn the camera settings, so...#hatersgonnahate...

Vistaprint sent me 100 of these adorable business cards! 100!!! I don't know what I'm going to use them for, but hey! Do you want one? I'll give you one and then you can do whatever to it.

My friend and I are both pretty smart and our text message conversations show that.

Join me

I think of General Conference has a refuge camp. It's very much needed. The invitation is open to all who are in need of aide or peace. We all gather together for two days to be uplifted and rejuvenated. It literally fills the soul with goodness. We are taught and inspired by leaders who have been called by God. We gather to be reminded of God's love for His children. We gather to be reminded of God's perfect plan for us. We walk away from General Conference a little taller than before. We start the week anew feeling fresh and motivated.

I invite you to tune in to General Conference THIS weekend to see and learn more about the biggest part of my life. I invite you to consider the teachings and ask God for yourself if they are true. I invite you to tune in and learn about the true Gospel of Jesus Christ. I invite you to tune in to listen to a true modern day Prophet called by God and His apostles and general authorities. God still speaks today to His children and General Conference is a great time to hear God's words. There is something for everyone!

Join me and many others by watching General Conference. Click here to learn more about how to watch. 

Love Letters #5

"I am human in every sense. I struggle. And I want you to see that I struggle, but then I don't at the same time. I want to be strong for you all the time. And I know there are going to be times when being strong for you is allowing you to see that I struggle. I take time to process things and I know you know that. Just don't pull back when I share with you a very human part of me. I know you wouldn't. The more I accept my imperfect self, the easier it is for me to accept imperfect people; the imperfect you. I love the imperfect you. It shows me that you are human too. Together we'll just walk this life imperfectly, but we'll learn and grow. And we won't be alone. You and me, sir! Thank you for being accepting of the imperfect me. I love that. And I love you." 

***

Missed the previous sap, here it is:

• Love Letter #4
• Love Letter #3
• Love Letter #2
• Love Letter #1

So you wanna give up?

Then do it! Just stop. Who cares, right? You don't need this! You're busy! You're tired! It's hard!!! No one can stop you. It's your life. You can make your own decisions! It's not like anything is making a difference anyways so... You've wasted enough time on this. You don't need this! It's not worth it. You're not worth it. You're tired of feeling this way so... Yeah, give up. Just stop.

stop.

just stop.

Or you could...

Breathe. It's hard, I get it. I have felt it; experienced it for myself. I'm still experiencing it. Just breathe. It's okay. You're okay. The worst that can happen is that everything is going to be okay. You got this. You're better than this. You are worthy of tackling hard things. You can do hard things! Yes, you! So you have some scraped knees and elbows; could be worse. Just keep going. There's so much support for you. There's so much love for you. You've come this far, just a little further. You don't have to take it all at once. Take one day at a time. One day at a time is all you're given anyways. You can do this. You can make it! You will make it. Just breathe right now and then start again. Start where you're at.

I know that God knows you and loves you! You are His. He created you. He is your Father. Oh how He dearly wishes you would embrace His presence and love. You are worthy of His love always. What matters to you, matters to Him. Whatever concerns you, concerns Him. He won't let you go. No, He will never let you go! He can be your support right this very second! Don't you dare give up! He doesn't want you to. He knows and understands. 

I know that Jesus Christ knows you and loves you! He is the best big Brother anyone could ask for. He has endured the hardest of trials. His love and sacrifice for you is the biggest blessing in your life. You can latch on to Him and know that He too has endured your pain. The deep feelings of pain, failure, and wanting to give up have all been felt by Him too.

You're not alone. You were not sent here to feel alone and fail. No, you are meant to fly! You are meant for better, bigger things! You are worthy of God and Jesus Christ's love and light. Their love and light will literally fill you. If you allow them, they can warm your heart. But you have to let them. They can't warm a cold heart that chooses to remain cold. You have to let them in. Open the door to them, even if it's hard. You can do hard things, just like they have done hard things. You are not alone. Don't give up. Just keep going. 

I pray for you. I wish and hope the best for you. I know together we can do hard things. We are meant to live a beautiful, happy life here. Yes, life happens and we have human experiences. We are not alone. We got this. We'll take one step at a time, one day a time. 

Don't give up. Don't you ever give up! Keep going! :)

“Don't you quit. You keep walking, you keep trying, there is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in Good Things to Come.” -Elder Jeffrey R. Hollands [Source here]

[Source found here]

"So keep on climbing though the ground might shake.

Just keep on reaching though the limb might break.

We've come this far, don't you be scared now.

'Cause you can learn to fly on the way down."  

Becoming (Part Two)

***This is part two of my original post.***

I'm becoming something...or rather I'm becoming someONE. The more I carve out my character, the more I am learning more about who I want to become. I realized something the other day: the more I go to the Temple, the more I can pin point my flaws. I can easily see the areas that might need a bit more work. Sometimes it's overwhelming, other times it's humbling. The beauty about the Temple is that even though I recognize these flaws, I am quickly reminded about who God wants me to be. I was born to become a Queen. Me. A Queen? No way!

YES WAY!

Now what does the world want me to become? I don't know. I feel like the world says a lot of different things that confuses me. I'm supposed to be conservative and liberal, rich, successful, educated, blah blah blah blah blah blah.

God wants me to be a Queen. A QUEEN! And all I have to do is follow Him and Jesus Christ. Everything has been set before me. I have unlimited access to Heavenly Father through prayer. I have scriptures to guide me when I get confused. I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ that teaches me eternal principles. This Gospel literally teaches me how to become the Queen I am destined to be. 

It's easy to become confused in a world that is telling me to become several different things. It makes it hard to know who or what to turn to. But in the Gospel, I am reminded to turn to my creator. It makes sense though, right? To turn to your maker, because He knows you the best. By golly, he created you! He knows. He knows! 

I'm becoming a Queen. The more cracks and crevices and flaws I find in myself, I am trying to use the atonement to fill them. The atonement reminds me that I'm not alone on my journey in becoming a Queen. The atonement is beautiful in the most personal ways. It's necessary in order  to become a Queen.

Perfection takes time. Change takes time. Becoming who God wants me to be takes time. I'm becoming and it's a beautiful process.

Weak to Strong

Personal Credence # 2:

I think it's okay to be weak, because God always makes weak things strong.

***

I don't think weakness is bad. It's healthy to know and understand that we as human beings are imperfect. Imperfections can be meaningful learning moments. I don't think anyone should feel like being weak is a sign of failure. Everyone- EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING, can change. Weakness can be catalyst for change. It can make you better! Recognizing that you are imperfect, can be a beautiful revelation. It can push you to simply try again or try something different. Let your weaknesses bloom into something better. All the best people grow from their weaknesses. You were born to be great.

Now let's talk about God. I believe in God. I believe that God knows me so perfectly. I know He knows my imperfections. He knows my shortcomings. But oh how He loves me even with my imperfections. 

As a member of the Mormon faith, I recently had the opportunity to go through the Temple. It was that day that I realized that this perfect God wanted to be bound to His imperfect daughter. God has been a source of love and light in my life. I've had many moments when God has continued to bless me, even when I mess up. 

You see, I have had my share of trials. I am the type of person who makes lists of all her flaws. I used to look at my imperfections as a road block. I couldn't see how to get across them. I can't tell you how many times the "independent woman" inside of me, comes out and tries to get across that block or avoid it. When I started gaining a relationship with God, I slowly began to see how my imperfections weren't permanent road blocks. They were blocks that needed time to get through. 

Through the atonement of Jesus Christ and the help from a loving God, I have been able to cross some very hard road blocks. I've been able to change the way I think about myself and my imperfections. I've learned (and re-learned) that I can do hard things. God and Jesus Christ have been the best source of help. They aid me in every way they can and they re-ignite the fire of faith and hope in me. 

I'm not perfect. I will never perfect in this life. However, I am so grateful that I can try again and again and until I get make my weaknesses strong. God always makes weak things strong and it is up to us to turn to Him and Jesus Christ to become strong. 

It's okay to be weak. You can change. You can do hard things. You can cross the road blocks. Take your time. Changing weaknesses needs time. They will grow, if you try. God lives and so does His son, Jesus Christ and they will help you. You were born to be great. You were born to thrive. You can reach your full potential. You are a child of God and He loves you. He loves the imperfect you.

It's okay to be weak. It's okay!

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." -Ether 12:27

Updates

Happy September! A brand new month, school year, and it's almost my favorite season! I am so ready for fall these days. As much as I love the summer heat--I don't. I finally got brave and ordered a fan that blows on me every night. It's been my saving grace this summer! So back to fall, I just really love fall for many reasons. I'm ready to pull out my fall sweaters and scarves, make pumpkin cookies and butternut squash soup, and drink apple cider. I love the color of the leaves and the cool air! I'm ready!!! I also prefer to work out in the cooler months, so that's a bonus! We are putting on the final touches of #ConfidenceIsMe. It'll be good to finally wrap up this project. I'm starting a new project in January that I will be posting about here in the next few months.

Now that summer is pretty much over, I am back on a more strict schedule and can start giving this blog more love. You'll find social media links to the right, where you can follow me. Instagram is my very favorite and I post on there a lot! You can follow this blog for more updates if you so choose. I love when there are comments or emails from you readers. I always respond to you, so if you have anything to say or suggest, shoot me an email or comment below! Okay, now I'm done with my shameless plug.

Happy September and Labor Day weekend!

Still

There are moments where I lay very, very still. Breathing is slow, eyes are open, and I am keenly aware of my surroundings. However, emotionally- I am checked out. Dark waves draw in with their pain. These waves bring in those dark memories of my past and the girl I once was. They cause confusion. I begin to think that I am still that girl. I close my eyes. Wave after wave of humiliation and self-loathing come to replace the light and happiness in my life. They wish to draw me out where they can then pull me under.

The old me would settle and allow the darkness to seep in. I'd sink into the most terrible abyss. I don't allow that anymore. I don't fight the waves, but I invite them in. When they draw in, I let them take some of the light. I remember that I have changed. My past experiences have changed and shaped me. I am not who I once was. Light will always conquer the dark; those heavy, dark waves leave the shore much lighter and clear. I don't sink, rather I am floating.

I know where I've been and who I was, but I am not that girl anymore. I am better. I am lighter. I am happier. I cherish those still moments.

Love Wins

As you already know, the US Supreme Court made it official that gay couples may be married in any state. There was an uproar of excitement and disappointment that swept the nation. I had been asked to share my thoughts on this topic and wrote an article about it. That brought some a lot of contention and my article was taken down. I'm not offended; my article was really just my opinion. I thought I'd jump on here and share with you a condensed version of my thoughts on this topic.

I don't care. I don't care if you're gay. I don't care if you're not gay. We're all human beings and we are all different. Some of us are gay; some of us aren't. And that's okay! Some of my dearest friends are gay or part of the LGBT community. I love them just the same.

I admit, I don't really understand why people can't love and marry who they want; whether they were of the same gender or not. I remember the uproar that Prop 8 brought. I was a freshman in college. I didn't know or understand it well enough to make a decision on it. I have always thought that love is love. And you should be able to love whoever you want. You should be able to marry whoever you want. Everyone deserves to be happy.

While this is how I feel, my Mormon faith condones the act of gay marriage. (Not the individual.) I grew up being taught that marriage is between ONE MAN and ONE WOMAN. As I've gotten older, I had to make a choice to decide for myself whether I agreed with this or not. So I went on my own journey which consisted of research, fasting, and prayer. I was able to make my decision.

I agree. I agree 110%, because I love God. I love him so deeply and intimately and I choose to follow Him. I have willingly accepted his laws and commandments and I choose to keep them. Thus, I choose to stand up for traditional marriage. Does that change the way that I feel about gay couples and them getting married? Not at all! I still love them. We're different and we have different views. That's completely okay.

Here's where I draw the line. I believe that you cannot force a church to change their views and standards to accommodate your beliefs. That is crossing a line. Yes, gay couples can marry in any state, but that doesn't mean you can force a church clergyman (or something similar) to officiate the marriage, if it's against that churches standards! Don't forget about religious freedom! You can't take that away!

Glenn Beck said, "I will stand with my church. Just as I would stand with your church if you wanted to marry gay couples. I was never against churches that decided that they were going to have female priests or marry gay couples. That's fine. That's up to you. But you can't force my church to do it."

Here's the official statement from the LDS church: "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints acknowledges that following today's ruling by the Supreme Court, same-sex marriages are now legal in the United States. The Court's decision does not alter the Lord's doctrine that marriage is a union between a man and a woman ordained by God. While showing respect for those who think differently, the Church will continue to teach and promote marriage between a man and a woman as a central part of our doctrine and practice."

Other than that, life is still good. History was made yesterday. We can all still be respectful to each other and show love and kindness. Our differences make us unique. So to you who are celebrating this new freedom, I congratulate you and wish the happiness you seek for. As that goes for everyone; You all deserve to be happy!

Dear Emma

I have a lot friends. I have a lot of close friends. I have a lot of best friends. But I only have one Emma.

Emma is different. Emma isn't just a best friend, but she is my confidant who has deemed herself worthy of a true intimate friendship. If anyone in this life knew me better than myself, it's her. I have never fully been able to open up to someone. Ever. I always draw a line and no one has crossed that line except for Emma.

When told in counseling that I needed a support group, I immediately thought of Emma. I admit I was hesitant to open up to her. I didn't want to burden her. She lived in California and it would be too complicated. Then one day she told me she was coming to visit. We go together and I felt comfortable around her. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed being around her.

She could see in my eyes that I needed to talk. So I said a quick prayer for strength and was able to open up to her in the deepest, most sincere, and intimate way. For the first time in all my years, I took off my mask. She never judged me for my imperfections. She immediately forgave me and embraced me for all that I am. She encouraged me and cheered me on as I have battled some hard things. She saw my emotionally raw true self. And she still loved me.

Together she and I had forged an unbreakable friendship. She knows things that no one knows about me, not even in my family, counselor, or close friends. Our bond was so strong. The only person I thought I could ever have this kind of relationship with was my husband. God proved me wrong. He taught me that I could have this bond with very special people. Emma being one of them.

Emma passed away, leaving behind her sweet husband and baby boy. I can't comprehend or explain the ache I feel inside. It's too intimate and the cut is deep. What I can say is that I hope to be half the friend she was to me. In honor of my dear friend, I share with you some of her words that have touched me.

You could be whoever you want. You could do whatever you want. You could make x amount of dollars and buy France, if you wanted. But if you can't be true to yourself then you are living a miserable lie that will bring eternal hell. And you're not worth that!

Think about it; prophets of old, dedicating their lives in the pursuit of happiness for others. They know God. They love God. They served God. It only makes sense that they would willingly give their lives to Him. They know what joy is. We need to be like that. Come to know our God and to love and serve Him; be willing to submit fully to Him. Because that's how we experience true happiness.  

I won't say that I'm mad, because I'm not. I won't say that I'm not confused, because I am a little. But I will say, that I forgive you, because you're worth it. So you screwed up. Big whoop! What impresses me the most is seeing you here; mask off and exposed. It makes me love and appreciate you more. And that's why I forgive you; I see your worth. It's beautiful! I want to see more of you.

Forgive me as I lament over my dear Emma. She truly is a remarkable woman. She will be dearly missed! More importantly, I pray for the Bezzant family in their time of grief. How hard it must be to lose a daughter, a wife, and a mother; I can't even comprehend that pain. I now rely fully on the mercy and healing power of the atonement to fill the emptiness. It always fills the gaping holes in my heart. I pray that the same healing power will also heal those who are aching at this time.

Goodbye Em, see you on the flip side.

Summer Days and the Kool-Aid Gang

Let's be honest. Kool-Aid is delicious. Especially when you're a little kid. That cold, sugary drink is what cools you down on a hot summer day! My mom never bought Kool-Aid, BUT my neighbors pantry was stocked! I remember those days sitting on the front porch in the summer heat, drinking Kool-Aid with my friends. That was the life!

One hot day after drinking a whole pitcher of Kool-Aid, we got a crazy idea. Kool-Aid is practically colored sugar. Add water and voila! You have yourself Kool-Aid! We filled the pitcher, added the necessary cups of sugar, and (for color) a few drops of food coloring. We stirred everything together and poured us a tall glass. I took a nice big swig and my world came to halting stop.
BLEH!!! It was disgusting! (Vomitrocious as my young self would say.) I guess you could say we forgot about the artificial flavoring that satisfies the palate.

Moral of the story: Save the sugar water for the hummingbirds.

#ConfidenceIsMe Update

If you thought I forgot about #confidenceisme then think again! I've gotten through the responses and have been working hard on this project. I've asked a few special people to be part of this and I can't wait to share with you. I've been compiling all of your responses and have shared a few of them on my Instagram account in April. (@missmarlirock if you want to follow.) I've been very impressed with what many of you had to say. I'm still taking responses, so please see the #confidenceisme tab for more information.

CORE-TER-OV-A-CEN-TUR-EE

Do you get it? Quarter of century? Twenty-five years? Hahaha. You're so smart.

Yes, I hit the big 2-5 earlier this month. Want to know a secret? I love aging! Every year I get older, I am happy as a clam! I don't mind getting older. I've been on this weird grown up adrenaline vibe lately. Planning, goal making, and soul searching. It's been weird, but refreshing. I'm re-evaluating my life goals and planning what I want to do for the next twenty-five years. My perspective on life seems deeper and has more meaning. Here's to the next twenty five years. Cheers all around.

Bruised

Each time that volleyball hit my hands, I just knew that some good bruises were coming. Then when I couldn't touch my hands yesterday because they hurt, I knew that some good bruises were formed. I can see them now. A nice purple color. I'm proud of them. That volleyball game was worth my bruises in gold.

Later that night after the game, I received a blessing that [at the time] felt very troubling. Bruises were coming and I need to gear up for them. But you see, these bruises are different. These bruises are heartaches to come. I would rather experience high intense physical pain, than deal with a heartache. I experienced intense heartache recently and I have healed from it. I don't want to go through that one again. No sir, I'll pass. 

If only...

I laid awake for some time last night. Silent tears falling on my pillow and one of the most sincere prayers in my heart. I expressed blubbered my feelings to the Lord, in hopes that He would change His mind. The sweetest words came to my mind and I felt peace wash over me. Dear friends, God is good!

 

Fear not, I am with Thee.

Oh be not dismayed,

For I am Thy God

And will still give Thee aid.

Blurred

You can feel completely clueless. Stagnant. Unmotivated. Useless.  Everything seems blurry. What used to be strictly black and white has now smeared into a questionable gray. It's dim. I could trudge the sticky mud aimless. Or I could wait. But wait for what? I guess I'll just pray. 

THANK YOUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my goodness! Ya'll are super great! I have been bombarded with emails. My inbox is exploding and I'm doing my best to keep up with ya'll! I've been taking breaks in between my email readings because there are so many! Your comments about #ConfidenceisMe are absolutely wonderful! I've been so impressed with all the answers and quite honestly, I'm learning so much! So thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!! If you still want to comment, go ahead and do so! And hats off to all you grads out there! I send you my dearest congratulations.

#ConfidenceisMe

I have been trying to write a post on confidence, but wanted it to be a bit different than my usual posts. After much brainstorming, I have started a project called "#ConfidenceisMe". More about this project is coming so stay tuned.

Growing up, I always thought confidence came from some catastrophic moment. Or that you had to act or look a certain way. But I have found that it is different for everyone. So, this is where you come in. I want your opinion on the following:

What is it about myself that makes me feel confident?

Is it your ridiculous good looks? Your outrageously, genius brain?! Your personality? Something else???

Now, perhaps you don't feel confident about yourself or you don't know how to answer the above question. That's totally fine. If this is you, then perhaps you can answer this:

• What do I think confidence is?
• What do I think confidence looks like?

How can you reply to the above question(s)? Here's how:

• Comment on THIS post.
• Email me at thoughtsforyourtea@gmail.com (This tends to be the preferred way of my readers. I love reading your emails every.single.day!)
• Use #ConfidenceisMe on Instagram and tag me (missmarilirock). (More info on my Instagram account. Check out the sidebar for a direct link.)

You can be as specific or vague as you wish. Your comments will be featured in my project. (If you wish that your comment be anonymous or confidential, let me know.) The more input I have, the BETTER my project will be, so please share with your friends and family. I will be releasing this project this summer, so stay tuned! Thank you and have a great day!

Or perhaps you're like Kramer, who looks confident as he struts down the street in his technicolor dream coat??? (Seinfeld, anyone?) Poor quality, but I just get the best belly-laugh from this clip.

Love Letters #4

"I recently read an article about how love is 'just games' and nothing more. I absolutely REFUSE to believe that. Love isn't a game. If  you want to play a game, go play Life! Love is the very essence that uniquely binds us to each other. Whether it's through a friendship or a romantic relationship; love is binding. It can warm even the coldest of hearts. I refuse to believe that love is a game. Because if it truly was a game, then we would't be us. Our whole existence would be one. big. sham. And I refuse to believe that. Why? It's quite simple. I love God. And through God, He has helped me love you better. That love is very real to me. So in case I haven't said it; I love you."

Deeply Ingrained

There is a "tugging" feeling that I feel quite often. It tugs my heart when I feel doubt, pain, or confusion. My heart knows the truth, but oft times my mind struggles. My heart gently tugs my mind back to the truth. Even through the deepest pain, my heart knows the truth. My heart has ingrained the gospel of Jesus Christ as it's energy source. My heart has saved my life many times, because of this energy source. That energy source is always replenished as I continue to live my life through obedience. It's replenished through heart-felt prayer. It's replenished through a loving God and Savior, Jesus Christ. What started out as sliver of faith, made a remarkable and sustainable difference. It flows through my body and when it reaches my broken mind, it soothes and heals. It reminds my mind the purpose of my life here. It reminds me of the joy that I have tasted, because of my firm testimony of the gospel. Peace is restored, testimony is strengthened, and my heart and mind are one yet again. I believe I know that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. It brings true purpose and joy in a world that seeks to dictate what purpose and joy should be. It heals and soothes the deepest cuts. It provides a fortifying love and faith, that you cannot find elsewhere. So when that "tugging" feeling comes, I embrace it. To me, it's a sweet reminder from God letting me know He loves me and is still there. That means the world to me. And you know what? I know that God and Jesus Christ love you. That's something to smile about. Happy Friday!