Divinity Within

I've been thinking a lot about being a woman means to me. I don't think I really took the time to realize just how beautiful it is to be a woman until this year. As I've been trying to do the Lord's will and prepare myself for His work, I've really had to come to know myself. I've been tearing down walls that I've built up over the years. I'm starting to see with more clarity who I am. I've really been diving deeper and deeper to see the divinity within me.

I am a daughter of God. 

I am a Queen.

I'm much more than just a woman. God has shown me and continues to show me how much more I am. We are much more than just being a mom, daughter, or grandmother. We are much more than being a feminist or a public figure. We're purely divine, because we are God's royal daughters. We have a Heavenly Mother who is ours! She paved the way of womanhood! She is the pure example of why being a woman is a beautiful thing. You don't hear much about her, because she's that wonderful. We have her divine qualities and they are desperately needed in this dark world!

Being a woman is such a privilege. We are gentle by nature. We have the power to show the world just how powerful we can be without degrading ourselves. We can be uplifting and firm, but with genuine kindness. We can show our beauty without explicitly exposing ourselves. We can raise strong children, even if we might have throw up on our shirts and peanut butter in our hair. We can do hard things, but with a gentle touch.

We women are Queens! Do we truly see how divine we are? The other day I looked in the mirror at my body. White hairs, a fresh new pimple, dark shadows under my eyes, and gosh, the extra fat literally everywhere on my body! You wouldn't want to hear the harsh lecture I had for myself. I became more and more frustrated for not taking care of myself. Then I leaned in and looked myself in mirror. I looked in my dark brown eyes as affirmations came to my mind.

I am a Queen!

I am a daughter of the Most Divine!

I am a beautiful woman!

I am a shining light!

A smile appeared on my face and I began to repair the negative thoughts with fresh love. I am grateful to be a woman. I am grateful for the ability to share my genuine kindness and love with those around me. In today's world, we need more women who love and are gentle! We need women who can raise up a righteous generation to stand against the evils of the world. We need women who can be a shining light to a dark world! We need women who can fight for good, but with much more grace. In a world full of men, we need women who can balance them out! (For real, tho!) All of us are beautiful REGARDLESS of what we have been through. We are beautiful, because we are Queens! We are daughters of a Heavenly Father and Mother. 

We all can and should enjoy the beauty that is womanhood! It truly is wonderful being a woman. So for you who love and cherish being a woman, keep going! Keep spreading that joy with your sisters! We're all in this together- it's not a competition! For you who may struggle to see or appreciate the woman inside you, have faith and let God show you just how beautiful you are! There will come a time when you will start to see the Queen inside you. You'll start to change and become a woman of such refinement! You'll become a  divinely stronger woman and you'll move mountains! We're in this together. I believe that if we could truly see who we really are, we would naturally act accordingly.

Fresh Bruise and Baked Potaters!

I was taking a shower the other day and I totally smacked my leg on the soap dish attached to the wall. Bruised. I hit it so good that I instantly knew that it would be a bruise.

It's moving week my friends. I'm moving home for a week...I think. I think I'm staying home for a week. I haven't signed my new contract. Things are changing and I'm gettin' freaked out. I'm tired and if you were to ask my Saturday night how I was- well I was in a full blown panic attack. I didn't know where I was going to be this week. But for now. I'm moving home. And I love home. I feel safe there.

I've been eating baked potatoes lately. A lot of them. I'm not sick of them yet. A little bit of butta, a dash of salt, and whole lot of lemon pep! Delish!

Tomorrow I move this evening. Also, I'll be collabing with a bunch of awesome people! I feel bad for you readers who come to this blog hoping for something more. But you know what....

it's not the worst.

Plain and Precious Truths #3

"And when I did turn unto my closet, O Lord, and prayed unto thee, thou didst hear me.

"Yea, thou art merciful unto thy children when they cry unto thee, to be heard of thee and not of men, and thou wilt hear them." Alma 33:7-8

No prayer of ours goes unheard. Sometimes in the depth of my prayer, I can feel someone listening on the other side. Other times, God really tests my faith, because I have to keep telling myself that He is listening when I don't feel it.

The beauty of prayer is that we are purely conversing with the Lord. He hears us. He hears our deepest desires, our raw emotions, our purest joys, our gratitude, and our beg for forgiveness. He hears all of that! He loves that! He loves when we talk to Him. He is full of mercy and He wants to bless and comfort us.

Prayer can work mighty miracles, because we are praying to a mighty God who is eager to help us!

 Here is the last post in this series: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/05/plain-and-precious-truths-2.html

Ladies and Gentlemen

...please take your seats as the show will resume in two minutes. You've probably noticed that I haven't been blogging and I am #sorrynotsorry. I've been takin' a 'lil break for a few days to get my life in order. I am a workin' lady who is moving in a week and needed to focus. My posts until June, won't be consistent. There might be a few posts here and there, but not everyday. Again, #sorrynotsorry. But don't fret, because everything will be back on board in June. I have fun things planned for June, because guess what? June is....BIRTHDAY MONTH! Huzzah! (And if you were to drink every time I said 'June' you all would be black out drunk.)

In other news, I read this book and I LOVED IT! If you are a hoarder like I once was, this is the book for you. Marie does an exceptionally well job at not just tidying, but getting past the "what if I need this later?" mentality. You should definitely check it out and let me know what you think. Book club?

25 Years and eternity to go!

I was looking at my Church records and guess what?! I was sealed to my family 25 years ago TODAY!

"Before this world was your family was called from the great councils of heaven. Your family is not an accident. This has come by the design of your Father in Heaven. Our Father in heaven has assembled families because of the strength, growth, interactions, and most certainly the influences of righteousness given to others." 

This is a direct quote from my patriarchal blessing. I know that it's true. My family is very close. We're not a perfect family, but we grow and pull together. I would say that the glue in our family is our Faith. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the center of our family. My parents, especially my mom, has done a wonderful job at teaching us the gospel. My siblings have gone on to find their spouses and marry in the Temple. They teach their kids the same principles my parents taught.

We support each other and we love each other. Being the youngest of six kids, I've watched each one of my siblings grow up and progress in life. I've seen some of their trials and have watched them overcome them.

One thing I have loved is watching my brothers, brother in-laws, and my dad use their Priesthood power to bless our family. They take it seriously. They honor and respect their Priesthood. In a dark world, the Priesthood is very much needed. It's sacred power has saved my family during hard times.
I've also loved watching my sisters, sister in-laws, and mom become moms and a grandma! It's so fun to see them raise their children. And gosh, I am so grateful to be an aunt to 16 nieces and nephews! They are so vibrant and full of life!

Families truly can be together FOREVER! That's a beautiful blessing that this gospel offers! Oh sweet the joy!!!

Moment of Honesty: Stressed and Lonely

I had one of those days where work and my brain just weren't friends. I felt like I was asking stupid questions. I was tired. My stomach was growling, my head was throbbing, and I just wished I was home. We all have these kinds of days. We're all human. I've just felt very--blah, lately. I feel stressed and stuck and confused and frustrated. I keep telling myself that I just need to make it to June and the majority of my stress will go away. I'm trying to stay focused. It's like I have all of the things that I need to figure out and then there's God on the sidelines waving His arms telling me to follow Him.

Wait. Why is God on the sidelines? He shouldn't be. He should be right next to me. And Jesus on the other side and all my friends and family in front and back of me. And really, that's where the all are. 

So why do I feel empty and alone?

Here is part one of the series: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2015/11/moment-of-honesty-self-sabotage.html

A moment of stillness

Yesterday after church, I laid very still in bed. I prayed to the Lord for a while. Hashing and re-hashing everything has been something I've been doing a lot lately. I could feel my heart beating. It felt heavy, but this time it felt like a different heavy. I'm not sad about anything. I am stressed, but I'm still alive and pushing through. I laid there for a while just taking deep breaths and talking to the Lord laying very very still.

I know the Lord is preparing me for greater things. I know this, because it's not just a feeling. It's literally the amount of trials I've had in the last two and a half months. Hard trials followed by sweet blessings. This month is one of those moments when I don't even know where I'm going to be by the end of the month. I still need to find housing. I'm still working at my new job. I still have obligations and responsibilities that need to be met. I've applied for second job that is right next door to the job I work at currently. So many things are up in the air right now. But I'm still being pushed to follow the Lord and do His will. And with all of this, I need the atonement of Jesus Christ now more than ever. 

All good things. This too shall pass. Come what may and love it. It's not the worst.

HAPPY 41ST ANNIVERSARY MOM & DAD

Dear Mom,

One winter morning, you played outside with me in the snow before I had to go to Kindergarten. I remember that moment so vividly, because I remember thinking how I didn't want our playtime to end.

There was one school field trip that you came to and a girl in my class was being mean to you. I remember being soooo mad at her! How dare she treat you with such disrespect! And then when the field trip was over you asked my teacher if I could go home with you instead of stay at school. She said yes and I was so excited to go home with you.

I woke up one morning to find you asleep on my floor. What you don't know is that I had just awoken from a nightmare in which you and I were in an argument. (Those are the worst nightmares of all.) And there you were sleeping on my floor. Come to find out that you slept in my room because I  was whining in my sleep. 

Do you remember that time I received an award at some Polynesian academic thing? You went out of your way to ask the girls how they straightened their hair. You did so much to help me find a way to have straight hair. Then for my sweet 16, you took me to get my hair chemically straightened. It mostly worked.

I don't think you know how much it meant to me that you were my escort when I went through the Temple. That is one of my most cherished memories. You were there as I made sacred covenants with the Lord. I couldn't have made it there without your love and support.

I think the best thing of all is that you are not the same mom you were back then. You're different. You're more gentle, kind, and loving. You've changed, mom. I've seen you grow spiritually, mentally, and emotionally over the past few years. And the times I thought you were going to be mad about something that I did, you treated me with kindness. You're not a perfect mom. And I'm glad that you're not. Seeing you grow and become a strong woman has helped me see that change is real. You've been so accepting of me. You've been so loving and kind as I am trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do. I have a strong testimony of the Gospel, because you instilled that in me. You're beautiful, mom. Thanks for being you. I love you!

Love, Marlisa

Cinco de Cuatro

That's not what today is. Some people's kids. Feliz Cinco de mayo! I ate leftover homemade enchiladas. My allergies started to act up last night. I felt knocked out. Kramer gets me.

P.S. There won't be a Friday post tomorrow because my Mother's Day post will be up and runnin' on Sunday. Stay tuned, because I'm unleashing the power of Mama Rock!

TMI

I was walking to work on Monday morning after having eaten an early lunch. My stomach started to churn. And then just like that I started puking on some random persons lawn. (No one was around, except for oncoming cars.) To save myself from embarrassment, I walked away as if nothing happened. I nearly puked a second time. I felt really bad, so I was going to try to find the yard and clean it up. But then I failed at that. #SMH

Love Letters #9

"I think being vulnerable for me has become an act of love. I say this, because I can be a very closed off type of gal. I locked my secrets behind a door. And I'm really good at hiding them. When I share a very vulnerable part of me, it's because I deeply love and trust you. That's how you'll know that I love you. Your kindness, love, and openness will show me that you love me. If you're going to have me, you're going to have all of me. And that is a lot! But if I can count on you as my confidant, first sounding board, kind, thoughtful, and caring husband, then being vulnerable with you is worth it. Because I want to be that for you. I want to be there for you and love you. I want to accept all of you- flaws included! I want to stand with you through all seasons of life. And when we reach that eternal destiny, everything we endured together will be worth it. That's deep love to me."

Here is the last love letter: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/04/love-letters-8.html

Plain and Precious Truths #2

"And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your souls, even so I would that ye should remember and always retain in remembrance the greatness of God and your own nothingness and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel.

And behold, I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins; and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you, or in the knowledge of that which is just and true.

And ye will not have a mind to injure one another, but to live peaceably." -Mosiah 4:11-13

This little snippet really hit home to me. First off, Mosiah 9 is one of my fave chapters in The Book of Mormon, because I LOVE GOD!!! You know this, I know this, we all know this! I've read this chapter a million-bajillion times! But this last time, I had a though that really hit home to me. If I humbly come unto to God, not only will I be filled with  His love and goodness, but I "will not have a mind to injure one another."

And that includes me. I won't have a mind to tear myself apart. I won't feel compelled to self-sabotage, when good things are happening. I'll learn to see and love the way God does. I like that. I like that a lot.