Love Letters #6

"I've bee thinking a lot about myself lately. Not in the selfish sense, but more so in the sense that I want to love myself. It's hard, because I know my flaws and I see my curves. I'm trying to be chain breaker, but breaking 25 years worth of self-loathing is hard. But I'm trying. I only take one day at a time, because that's all that I'm given. While I do want to be beautiful for you, I first want to be beautiful to me. I'm accepting myself as the imperfect human being that I am. I believe in change. I believe in God. I believe in using the atonement everyday. I'm not perfect at loving myself, but I can say that I'm more accepting of myself the more I work at it. I'm not changing for you. I'm changing for me. And I think that's a big part of love. To not only be better, but to consistently trying to be better. Being more accepting of myself helps me be more accepting of you and others. I love you."

***
Read here for the last love letter, you know, if that's your thing.

Becoming (Part Three)

I was sitting in a devotional tonight and Elder M Russell Ballard said the words "becoming and overcoming" and I couldn't get it out of my mind. Part of the becoming process also requires overcoming. Overcoming things in your life is change. The more we overcome, the more becoming we are. I like that.

A Stranger's Kindness

Person Credence #3 - I believe that genuine kindness is one of the best characteristics.

***

I'm sure I looked like a wreck. I saw my reflection in the mirror, I saw my red eyes. It was like someone had turned on a faucet and tears where just streaming. Of course I buried my face in my hands. I wasn't quite sure what I was feeling, but that didn't stop the tears. Yes, I have been a bit unsettled lately, but tears, really? And while wallowing, I felt a gentle hand on my back. I just kept crying, because last time I remembered, a girl I didn't know sat down by me. But she comforted me in my time of heartache. I still don't know who she was, but that few minutes or so that I cried, she rubbed my back. And while touch is something I am quite fond of, it was oddly-somewhat soothing. And maybe that's because I didn't see who she was? I don't know. I appreciate her kindness- her genuine kindness towards someone that she doesn't know.

I really liked how being kind was something that Cinderella's mother encouraged her to be. (Have you seen the movie?) I've always been told that kindness was one of my characteristics. It's something that I cherish and will always have. I've been a recipient countless of times of people who have shown me kindness in the last 25 years. My parents taught me to be kind. I've seen my family members extend kindness in different ways. It's a part of me.

To the girl who showed kindness to me last night in the Temple, thank you. I don't have to know who you are to know that you are kind person. Your actions proved that to me and to others around you. I will pay it forward.

A look through the Divine

Self-loathing is real thing. I can't tell you how many times I can look at myself and hate the girl looking back. I see the extra fat, the tired eyes, crazy hair, and fake smile. And when I'm not looking at the mirror, I can rip her apart and really hate the girl inside. I see her demons, failures, trials, and mistakes. Never worthy of joy or love.

I had moment the other day. A father/daughter moment if you will. Through loving chastisement, I was once again, reminded of my identity. I have forgotten who I truly am and where I came from. I took a long look in the mirror and this sweet reminder sparked a desire to change.

God is a Father. He embodies love and mercy. It pains Him to see me hate myself; a daughter that He created in His own image. Through that love and mercy, He sent His son, Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ knows the very hate I feel, because he too, has felt that rage of self-loathing. And because He has felt this, He has paved the way of healing and love. He made change possible, so that I could look at myself with love. He made change possible, so that I could see who I truly am.

I am imperfect. I make mistakes. I have inner demons I deal with. But I am a daughter of a King. He is a Father and one that I hold very dear to my heart. He loves all of me. He see's me as a beautiful Queen. He knows my potential and knows how to help me reach it.

Take a look through the eyes of The Divine. You'll see wonders and feel the warmth of love. Oh how different we would be if we could grasp this knowledge and use it. And we can. With discipline and use of the atonement, we can. We'll be able to see the Kings and Queens within ourselves. We are meant to be royal, for that is who we are.

I practice now looking at the girl in the mirror and learning to see her as He does. And with that comes love. If He loves her, then I surely can. I can love all of her, for she is divine and full of worth.

"And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and sickness of his people.

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmitites, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. -Alma 7:11-12 

I'm not a Photographer

I haven't posted many pictures on here from my actual camera. I typically post a lot on Instagram, so if you follow me, you'll see more picture there. So here we go:

I started making a vision/inspiration/whatever board. It's slowly coming together. It's just a piece of cardboard that I got from work. I originally was going to cut it into a puzzle piece and then spray paint it, but you know...I'm lazy. And also, un-crafty. I haven't found anything to put in the middle yet, but at least I have the edges done.

My niece is adorable in her 'Boo' Halloween costume! My sister in-law made it from scratch. She's basically a domestic woman! But man, isn't my niece the cutest?!

I spend a lot of time here in the Provo Temple. It's the perfect getaway.

I was waiting at the Lehi Frontrunner station and the moon was ginormous! I think I read somewhere that it was a 'super moon' and let's just say, it really was. Also, did I tell you I'm not a photographer? In my defense, I took this on my phone and I have yet to learn the camera settings, so...#hatersgonnahate...

Vistaprint sent me 100 of these adorable business cards! 100!!! I don't know what I'm going to use them for, but hey! Do you want one? I'll give you one and then you can do whatever to it.

My friend and I are both pretty smart and our text message conversations show that.

Join me

I think of General Conference has a refuge camp. It's very much needed. The invitation is open to all who are in need of aide or peace. We all gather together for two days to be uplifted and rejuvenated. It literally fills the soul with goodness. We are taught and inspired by leaders who have been called by God. We gather to be reminded of God's love for His children. We gather to be reminded of God's perfect plan for us. We walk away from General Conference a little taller than before. We start the week anew feeling fresh and motivated.

I invite you to tune in to General Conference THIS weekend to see and learn more about the biggest part of my life. I invite you to consider the teachings and ask God for yourself if they are true. I invite you to tune in and learn about the true Gospel of Jesus Christ. I invite you to tune in to listen to a true modern day Prophet called by God and His apostles and general authorities. God still speaks today to His children and General Conference is a great time to hear God's words. There is something for everyone!

Join me and many others by watching General Conference. Click here to learn more about how to watch. 

Love Letters #5

"I am human in every sense. I struggle. And I want you to see that I struggle, but then I don't at the same time. I want to be strong for you all the time. And I know there are going to be times when being strong for you is allowing you to see that I struggle. I take time to process things and I know you know that. Just don't pull back when I share with you a very human part of me. I know you wouldn't. The more I accept my imperfect self, the easier it is for me to accept imperfect people; the imperfect you. I love the imperfect you. It shows me that you are human too. Together we'll just walk this life imperfectly, but we'll learn and grow. And we won't be alone. You and me, sir! Thank you for being accepting of the imperfect me. I love that. And I love you." 

***

Missed the previous sap, here it is:

• Love Letter #4
• Love Letter #3
• Love Letter #2
• Love Letter #1