Love Thyself

I'm learning and re-learning and re-learning self-love and confidence. I've been feeling so very out of place lately. I wrote about last week how I had a day from h-e-double hockey sticks. It wasn't the worst day, just a day that I'd really like to not think about ever. again.

I truly believe that the way you think about yourself will affect how you act and what your doing. Realizing that I feel self-conscious and stupid at work is really coming out. This is a huge part of why I'm trying to change the way that I think of myself.

I have been doing everything from prayer to meditation to essential oils. Daily affirmations are happening. Daily pep talks. Daily prayers. I'm writing out my feelings in my journal and getting it all out of my system. I'm trying to strengthen my relationship with my Savior, because He truly gets it. God and I have been chattin' it up and He gets an earful of everything.

 Things will work. I am smart. I am human. I can do hard things. God didn't send me here to fail. It's not the worst. All good things.

A day for the books...

I'm currently sitting here in the dark, eating watermelon, and thinking about today. Today was definitely a day to remember. A good day. A very good indeed. My friend Kyle joined me for a morning at the Mall to find something suitable for a photo shoot I had this evening. I've never really done one before that wasn't graduation or family pictures. It was just for me. (More on that coming soon. I've collabed with the sweetest photographer ever!) Everything I found was within my budget and on sale! Kyle is the most patient guy friend of mine. He wanted to go shopping. He was patient as I anxiously looked at clothes. Trust me ladies, if you want a guy who will treat you like a queen, go shopping with you, hold your bags, and cook you food...Kyle is single! So...hit me up if you want in. :)

I chatted with one of my besties who told me about her moving forward in life. The joy and excitement in her voice is wonderful! Truly the Lord has a beautiful plan for her and I am over the moon excited for her to take her next step in life! She deserves all the joy and goodness that God has to offer her!

And then there's Susan. Gosh, haven't I told you about Susan? She's one of my best friends. I don't see her as often as I would like to. We hung out and she joined me for a bit of my photo shoot. If everything was her way, she would've burned all my cardigans years ago. I trusted her instincts and didn't wear a cardigan tonight. Any anyone who knows me knows that I always wear a cardigan. Also my friend Susan can beat you up so if you need a body guard. (Don't kill me, Susan.) I just realized how funny that sounded. Susan can beat you up and then be your body guard...haha. Anyways...she's the smartest cookie in the tub of ice cream. She'll out wit you and enjoy doing it so...Sometimes I just ramble about her to see if she ever reads this...Moving on.

I survived my photo shoot in heels. Yes. I wore heels. And I almost ate the concrete twice, so if that's not win, then I don't know what is. I'm so excited to share with you the pictures and gush about the photographer. She's the cutest ever and she did an amazing job!

I called my mama to update her on life. I love my mom. She's my best friend and the woman I hope to become. I always feel safe when I talk to my mom about my life. She listens. She counsels. She supports. And she loves. She's a strong, spiritual woman! It was nice to sit on the bench at the Temple grounds and chat with her.

I swung by the grocery store to pick up a bottle of water to hydrate. Literally sweat was seeping through. You're probably cringing, but whatev! I'm a human who sweats. Sorry....so I stopped by the store and picked up some water. I found myself in the produce section, because cold watermelon sounded amazing!

I walked home and called my sister. I love my sister. She's the oldest in my family and has been a beacon of light in my life. We talked about budgeting and finances. I shared with her my financial goals and career dreams. She listened. She talked to me about her financial goals and it got me excited for her. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one working towards my goals.

I came home and talked to more of friends on the phone. Checking in with some of my fave gal pals. I realized that I need to step it up as a friend and sister. How can I serve others if I can't even serve those closest to me? I love my dear friends. I love watching them grow as they move forward with their lives. I truly believe that the Lord has a plan for each of His children. I used to be a very jealous person. I've since been able to overcome that and be genuinely happy for people.

I ended the day chatting with my birth sister. I look just like her. I love her. I'm still getting to know her and thank goodness for Facebook, because it's the easiest way to talk with her. She's always so happy. Her love for the Lord is pure. She's a rock of woman, that girl!

Today was a good day indeed. One for the books. God is real, my dear friends. I can see His hand in my life and in others too. I will never stop talking about God, because I want everyone to know Him and love Him like I do. I love my God!

Life is surely not the worst. Today was definitely not the worst. All good things.

"Our fathers guard to thee,
Author of liberty
To thee we sing.
Long may our land be bright
With freedoms holy light
Protect us by thy mind,
Great God, our king."

Surfaced feelings...

Sometimes repressed feelings surface.

 Sometimes I feel like I'm losing my control. 

Sometimes I close my eyes and feel.

Sometimes I cry.

Sometimes I let it run its course.

I always make it through.

Life comes back.

I'm in control.

Everything is good.

It's not the worst.

All good things.

Because I'm a foodie...

I take a lot of pictures of food, because duh! I love food. I like to look at food. I like to cook. I like to bake. I LOVE to eat. Sometimes I have cooking mishaps. Like last week. When I thought my food processor would work. It doesn't. And my BlendTec wasn't doing what I wanted it to do. So...great. Most times my food turns out spectacular. Here are some pictures for you eyes to feast on. <<See what I did there?

I love fresh lemons! Lately I've been slicing lemons and freezing them to put in my water bottle. Not only do they act as ice, but they also add fresh lemon flavor to it.

I've been lovin' bell peppers lately. I put them in everything. Quesadillas, salads, rice, pasta...

I love, love, LOVE, taco salad. This salad is meat-less, but I love the flavors of different veggies, black beans, and cilantro mixed together! Cilantro is my love. I love to add it to everything, because it really just adds freshness and flavor to any dish.

On the rare occasions that I make tacos, I always enjoy it. I love everything that goes into a taco. This day I made lime chicken tacos. Most times I go meat-less and add rice or more beans with lime to it. It's delicious either way!

I wanted a quick sweet snack, so I whipped up these babies. I cut an English muffin in half. Added a layer of peanut butter. Sliced up an apple and assembled it on top and added a dash of cinnamon sugar to it. I baked it at 350 degress unti lightly toasted. Seriously this was amazing!

Obviously saved the best for last. I made homemade enchiladas. Seriously, this should be more of a staple than it already is. I topped it off with fresh cilantro, sour cream, and guacamole. It was a huge hit! It's dishes like this that confirm that my future family won't starve! I'll be making these soon and posting a recipe here next week so stay tuned! :)

Amen! Hallelujah!

This quote just gets me. Changes are coming. Some days I feel like I accomplished everything and then some. And other days, the idea of even getting out of bed is just way too real. Life happens. I take one day at a time, because I honestly have no idea how that particular day will go. But when change is happening, my emotions are all over the place. I'm human. This is life. This is change.

It's not the worst.

Plain and Precious Truths #5

"O how marvelous are the works of the Lord, and how long doth he suffer with his people." -Mosiah 8:20

These sweet words brought so much peace into my heart. We don't nor have we ever suffered alone. Even when we often feel that, we truly never were or are alone. I testify to you that your God and Savior, Jesus Christ know you. They love you. Through the atonement of Jesus Christ, no one suffers alone. Ever. Christ knows you. He understands you. His love for you is priceless. "Oh sweet the joy." You are not alone, my dear friends. You are not alone.

Last entry: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/06/plain-precious-truths-4.html

Love Letters #9

"I heard the most beautiful words the other day that really got me thinking. It gave me all the feels and it was something I connected with. 

"Dear Baby, I hope someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight. They don't pull away, they  don't look at your face, and they don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight without an ounce of selfishness to it. I hope you become addicted, baby. I hope you become addicted to saying things and having them matter to someone." -Waitress

 I just love this! This is exactly what I think of when I think of us. We hold each other during the good, the bad, and the in-between. We don't have to speak. (However, I will always listen to you while you talk through whatever.) You matter to me. How you feel, what your doing, your dreams/goals/ambitions--whatever. It all matters to me, because you matter to me. That's love."

In case you missed the last one: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/04/love-letters-8.html

Today

...was not by best day. Tired eyes. Tired brain. I hate the feeling of being tired. I'm literally running on 10 hours of sleep since Sunday. I've noticed how frustrated and disappointed I am when I come home from work recently. I feel stupid and insecure. But today. Today was the day. I just wasn't understanding as quickly as I usually do. I was on the verge of tears all day. I left work and came home to a good ugly cry. Tomorrow's another day to try again. But tonight, I will cry myself to sleep.

It's not the worst. All good things. This is life.

His role in MY Personal Life

Early Sunday morning at about 2:15, I got out of bed and read my Patriarchal Blessing. I was on a spiritual high after feeling angry at God all weekend. Yes. You read correctly. I was angry at God this last weekend. And I hated the feeling. I hate feeling angry, but even more, I hated feeling angry towards my God. Anyways, I got out of bed at 2:15 after having watched the movie Christian Mingle. (Yeah, I watched that movie and I liked it so bite me!)

Long story short, girl signs up for the dating website Christian Mingle, fakes being Christian, meets cute Christian guy, guy finds out, GIRL FINDS GOD AND JESUS, girl and guy fall in love. Amen. Hallelujah. Forever and ever. Whatever.

...so I got out of bed at 2:15 after having watched this movie, because I felt like that girl. Angry at God. Crying. (For the record, I wasn't angry that I am single. I'm serious) I chose to read my Patriarchal Blessing because I wanted to read something personal. An idea came to my my mind to write down every time it talked about God and His role in MY life. Pretty much everything started with "your Father in Heaven". I've read my Patriarchal Blessing so many times, but this time was different. This blessing truly came from my Father in Heaven. His role in my life is so very personal. I realized this
during this experience. His counsel spans from responsibility and potential to finding my love, future family, and my calling here in this life. He promised me that even in the times I feel alone, He is there.

It was this moment that I deeply saw God as my Father. I needed my Father more than anything during that weekend. The bitterness I felt began to fade. I knelt down in sincere prayer and asked my Father in Heaven for His forgiveness.

God isn't just God. He is our Father. That's a relationship worth having and cherishing. You'd be surprised just how much He is a part of your life whether you recognize it or not.

All good things.

Hi, there!

Did you have a wonderful Fourth of July? I sure hope you did! Now, I know, you're probably upset, because I told you that regular blog posts were coming and if you haven't noticed...I totes lied. I'm sorry. Life happened. But...here I am. I got up early for you guys. I even showered for you guys. (PSA: I shower every day so...no stinky here!)

I've had some really great moments the last few weeks. I haven't been posting much on social media. I've just been living and relishing moments in my life. I've seen some beautiful sights, worked hard, spent time with loved ones, and doing things I love. It was therapeutic and much needed. Also, last month was birthday month and I turned 26. I realized that I wanted to spend more time doing things I love and being with those I love, than just letting the days pass by.

Sometimes you gotta take a break. It's not a crime.

This picture was taken from the Y mountain parking lot. It was beautiful evening and my friend and I drove up in her mini van. We ate our dinner of Chick-Fil-A and watched the sunset. It was beautiful and I couldn't put my camera down. We said goodbye to the day and welcomed nightfall as we sat on a rock. I felt peace and my heart was literally brimming with God's love and goodness.

My friend and I had a beautiful "heart to heart" moment. We talked about trials, overcoming, trials, and the Gospel. I thoroughly enjoyed it, because this friend of mine is like my soul-sister. We have struggled with some of the same trials and there we were having this raw moment.

May I tell you about this girl? She's a beautiful lady with an old soul. She understands raw emotion. She's stronger than she'll ever admit. And she's smart, that girl! Her love for classic rock and people are just a few things that make her great.

I believe friends come and go during different phases in my life. God knew that I needed her friendship at this specific time in my life. That gives me all the feels! When someone comes into your life, let them show you love. Let them be who they are and let them in. (Unless they're a jerk--then kick them to the curb! You don't need that!) Friendships is the BEST ship!