I love this picture of Jesus Christ praying. One of my favorite things about the Savior, is that everything He did was in the Father's will. His love and devotion to God is so admirable. Throughout His life, He never forgot His God. He consistently thanked God through prayer like right before He raised Lazarus from the dead. He prayed when He visited the Americas. He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane just before He performed one of the greatest gifts to mankind. Not once did He ever forget His God.
I love that example. I love His devotion to God. I love His constant need for God. That's how I am. I need my God. I need His guidance and His love. And gosh, God be thanked for His kindness and love towards me. The power of prayer was the start to my relationship with God and it's something that I cherish. I love night time, because it's the time when I converse with my God without being interrupted. I pour my heart to Him. The power of prayer really can grow you relationship with your God.
"I've been refined so much the past two months and I feel so good. It's been hard, but gosh, it has been so good! I feel like I'm becoming more true to myself. I'm accepting myself and that's something I've always struggled to do. My relationship with God has been getting stronger through this journey and I love Him so! I know He has a lot in store for us, so I make sure I pray for you on the daily. Sounds cheesy, but I ain't playin'! I pray that your relationship with God is being strengthened. I pray that your heart and mind are open to Him. I pray that you are also being refined. I pray that you feel constantly feel loved. I pray that you are doing the Lord's will. If we're going to do the Lord's will, I know that we both need to be refined individually and love God more than anything! I'm convinced we're becoming the dream team! That's cool."
I lost my apartment key yesterday. I spent several hours searching for this key. I tore apart my room and put it back together. It was so organized and clean that there was literally no way that it could be in my room. However, I had this feeling that everything would be okay and I would find that key. I didn't know when they key would be found, but I knew that it would be. I prayed to the Lord with gratitude for this opportunity to exercise my faith in Him. I let Him know that I accepted the fact that it was gone and that I might not find it. When it came to leave my apartment, I found a way to lock the door using a plastic bag. I felt discouraged that I couldn't find the key, but I still had faith in God.
You probably already figured out the rest of the story, so I'll just say that the key magically appeared on the floor at work. It must have been attached to part of my costume that I wasn't wearing. The funny thing is, I had looked at my costume over and over to know for sure that there was no key attached to it. But there the key was. Right there on the floor.
I know that God was testing me. I'm so grateful that He did, because it gave me the opportunity to really see where my faith was. I chose to put my faith and trust in Him. I kept letting Him know that if it be His will, the key would show up. Yes, I felt discouraged, but I still knew and felt strongly that God would provide and He did.
I love my God. I praise Him for His goodness and mercy towards me over something so small. It's these little moments that have built my relationship with Him to be so strong. He's the first source that I always go to. I just love Him. He is always first and I know that He looks out for me.
"And when I did turn unto my closet, O Lord, and prayed unto thee, thou didst hear me.
"Yea, thou art merciful unto thy children when they cry unto thee, to be heard of thee and not of men, and thou wilt hear them." Alma 33:7-8
No prayer of ours goes unheard. Sometimes in the depth of my prayer, I can feel someone listening on the other side. Other times, God really tests my faith, because I have to keep telling myself that He is listening when I don't feel it.
The beauty of prayer is that we are purely conversing with the Lord. He hears us. He hears our deepest desires, our raw emotions, our purest joys, our gratitude, and our beg for forgiveness. He hears all of that! He loves that! He loves when we talk to Him. He is full of mercy and He wants to bless and comfort us.
Prayer can work mighty miracles, because we are praying to a mighty God who is eager to help us!
I had a raw moment yesterday. There weren't any tears, but my heart became heavy. There have been two earthquakes in both Japan and Ecuador. Houston, TX has flood warnings. I took a moment to sit down and process. All those people who are facing devastation and suddenly my problems didn't matter anymore. So I've been praying for them. And not just them, but the world. Pain is real. Life happens. Sometimes the rug is snatched from under us by things out of our control. But...
there is joy and peace that come when we turn to God and our Savior, Jesus Christ. Oh how God is very aware of His children. And Jesus Christ, He understands purely how each individual feels. Especially in these times of devastation. I'll be praying more for the world. I'll be praying for those who hard hurting. Those who are facing loss. Those who are hungry and tired. Those who feel they are lacking guidance. Those who are suffering. I will pray that others may feel hope during this hard time. God bless this world and may we all take time to pray for those in need. There is strength in numbers, my friends. May we reach out to those around us who need.
I've been complaining a lot lately and I've been really mean in my head. If anyone is my worst critic, it's definitely myself. I've really been chewing myself out and crackin' that whip. And what are the benefits of doing this? Nothing. I benefit nothing. And yet, I still do it.
I came across this beautiful post written by the ever beautiful Mara and she shared how she has been changing her language of her thoughts. I agree with her, when she talked about how her thoughts were "burning up energy" that she needed for the day. I realized that I do this very thing. My thoughts are so negative and worried that it exhausts me more than anything. I'm wasting so much energy through negative self-talk that it's literally killing me.
So after this realization, I repented. I begged God for His forgiveness. Negative thinking is like a slow death. You hate and hate and hate on yourself and you just wait for yourself to bleed until your heart stops. If I understand that I am a daughter of God, then why in the hell would I treat myself as the exact opposite? I can't do it anymore. Because it's blinding me and killing me faster.
So I am rewriting my thoughts and letting God's love and light fill me. I pray for His help, because God knows that I can't break nearly 26 years of negative self-talk on my own. My thoughts are more encouraging. My thoughts are more kind. And I'm not gonna lie, it's so hard. It's so very hard and sometimes I just sit down and cry and cry. And then I pray and beg for forgiveness and strength.
The things I choose to do, just so I can fulfill my ministry. Perhaps this shows just how much this mission that I have been entrusted with is to me.
I read what has become one of my favorite books, "More Than The Tattooed Mormon" by Al Carraway. It was late one evening and I wanted to read a new book. I came across this book and felt a pull to read it. So I did. And you guys!!!! I love this book with all my heart! There was so much written about my favorite person: God. If you haven't noticed *hint hint: my labels section* you'll see that God is the biggest and most popular topic. Reading this book was not only a page turner, but the Spirit testified to me again that there is a God. So here I am to talk to you and share with you my thoughts and testimony.
I know that there is a God. I know He created you and I. We're so lucky to be His. And gosh darn it, we are lucky, because He is not just a God. He is a Father. We are so lucky to have a Father who sees us, who knows us, and wants us. I know that God lives. I've found that Heavenly Father picks up the slack where others are lacking. People are imperfect, but God is PERFECT! He is there! Always!
I know He loves you. Just like He loves me. If there's any power that God has, I'd say His love is the most powerful! His perfect love never changes and yet it changes us! Even right this very second, He is aware of you and loves you deeply. To be honest, there have been times when I felt like God didn't love me I didn't feel like I deserved love. And a lot of that was shame that I felt. I felt like I wasn't worthy of His love. I have made soooooo many mistakes and if I don't even love myself, then why would God love me? Have we not all been there? (Let's be real, I'm not the only one who has thought that.) The best way for me to feel God's love is to pray.
Speaking of prayer, I know that prayer is our greatest source to conversing with Him. Oh does He love it when we pray. Forget the proper way, just talk to Him! He just wants you to talk to Him. He wants to help you and He is ready to! But sometimes He wants us to come to Him. Whether it's asking for help or comfort or in gratitude. Just talk to Him, because a Father/Child relationship is so precious and important! Some of my most heartfelt moments are when I kneel before the Lord in deep, sincere. I open up my heart to Him. Being vulnerable is hard. But those moments when I can put my guard down and expose myself to the Lord, I feel peaceful. I feel loved. I feel worthy of His love. I feel His kindness and warmth around me.
One of my favorite songs is titled, "Just How I Am" sung by Laken Quigley. It's from the EFY 2014 album and this song (and album) is amazing!
[PRESS PLAY]
Just How I Am
-Laken Quigley
When I'm alone, I can fall to my knees
And I know that He'll always be there.
When I'm surrounded and I call out His name,
I know He will still hear my prayer.
Though I'm in a world full of people,
And I'm only one in the crowd,
No, He'll never forget me,
He's always up there looking down.
Chorus:
And He knows me,
He knows me.
And He holds me,
In His hands.
Yes, He knows me.
And He loves me,
Just how I am.
Just how I am.
When I'm in need, when I'm falling apart,
He will always be right by my side.
Patiently waiting for me to reach out
He just wants to be part of my life.
Even when I think I know better.
Even when I do something wrong.
He'll always help me through it,
Yeah, He's been there all along.
Chorus
And no matter life may bring, no matter what comes
I will always know who I am and where I belong
Chorus
He knows me and He loves me
Just how I am.
Just how I am.
I feel like it's easy to not believe in God or turn to Him, because we've experienced times when we've felt jaded. You don't want to get hurt again. Or perhaps it's because you can't physically see Him, so how on earth could He be real? Here's my advice, if there is anything that I could urge you to do, it is to first ask God if He is there. (Prayer works!) I promise you that He will answer you and you will know that answer! If you don't really know Him, then I urge you to get to know Him. Open up your scriptures, study His characteristics. That's what got me started. And pray, pray, pray!!! Again, I promise you that God will answer you!
I've always heard that you should make God your priority. And I understand that, because when God is your priority, life doesn't seem so bad. I feel like regardless of what is thrown my way, I will get through it. I admit it's not always easy to turn to Him. (I'm so stubborn!) But I always end up turning to Him and He always rescues me! Always! Everything will be okay so long as God is there. God is real. God is good! I love Him! I don't think I could truly describe to you my love for Him, because it's- I just love Him!
You have a God, and He is yours!
-Al Carraway
I wrote #always next to this sentence in her book, because it speaks truth! God is always ours just like we are always His. Happy Sunday and may you feel God's love for you on this Sabbath day!
For more information on Al Carraway, check out her blog here! I always love reading her posts. You can also check out her book! I encourage each one of you to read it, because it was THAT good!
I had requests for a love letter and journal entry post. So I thought since it's February 1st, I would start out love month with a love letter in the form of a journal entry. Which isn't any different than past love letter posts. But I'm still killing two birds with one... heart. (Just tryin' to keep up with the love theme here!)
"I've been studying a lot about shame and a few months ago I jumped on the Brene Brown train. That took studying shame to a new level! It's been a very hard battle- fighting shame that is. I know that it's not an uncommon thing for people to feel shame. You don't necessarily have to do something that would be considered shameful. It can be felt in even the smallest ways. It's part of the human experience. I fear being vulnerable. I'm not an "open book" and I don't want you to think less of me if I share a very vulnerable part of me. I want to be loved and accepted. And it's so much easier for me to love and accept you, because it's inspiring and motivating. But when I turn inward, it's the complete opposite. I don't feel like I deserve to be loved and accepted, even though that's desperately what I want. So I'm studying shame, so that I can work through the personal shame I feel. I want to have the courage to be able to give myself fully to you. I want to be able to open up to you and still be able to keep my head up. I want to be able to connect with you, but I can't if I am guarded by shame. I admit it hasn't been an easy road. It's hard for me to own my story. It takes baby steps. It takes forgiveness. It takes lots of tear-filled prayers. It takes turning to God and our Savior, Jesus Christ. It takes courage. It's hard. But you're worth it!"
On a completely different note...I filed my taxes today. I'd say this month is off to a good start! More posts to come. (Mainly because you guys yell at me when I don't post. Sorry. Not sorry. Also, seriously? You guys want more pictures?! Check. Out. My. Instagram. Jk, I'll do my best.)
***Note: The events of this post happened yesterday, even though I'm posting this today.***
I've been running into grumpy people.. Stressed out people. Insecure people. Depressed people. Imperfect people. And don't get me wrong, I have fallen into these types of people lately. So here is how tonight went down:
A dear friend of mine and I went to the grocery store. We parked a little crooked, but still in the lines. I could get out of the car just fine. No problems. And then the woman who was parked next to us and her kids came into the picture.
And a bit of hell broke out.
She was angry and the few words I caught were, "Parking, seriously?" She paired that frustrated tone with a look to match! Yikes! I heard her open the door and in a cold tone tell her kids to squish. I walked over to see her with the door open more than enough for her kids to get in. And my friend offered to move her car and fix the parking. I didn't hear a reply from this woman, so it didn't happen.
I was angry and confused, but my parents taught me respect, so I quickly, but kindly said, "We're so sorry! I hope you have a good night." And off we went. And don't get me wrong, I was angry that this woman would not only act that way, but do it in front of her kids, and then talk to her kids in a rude way. I walked into that store impatiently, when suddenly a thought came to my mind: You don't know her. Pray for her.
As I walked up and down the aisles putting food in my basket, I kept replaying the whole scenario in my head. And then I started thinking about how I don't know know her. I don't know what her day, week, month, year, or life has been like. Maybe today has been a rough day. Maybe she's a tired mama, who just wants to get home. Maybe she's hurting, stressed, or depressed. Maybe she was in a hurry and our poor parking job made it harder for her back out. I don't know.
And then I came home and shared my frustration with my roommate. Frustrated again! And then again, the Spirit slapped me in the face. You don't know her. Pray for her. And just like that, He was gone! Guilt and shame really started to settle in.
So tonight, I knelt down in prayer and poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father. I asked for His forgiveness for my negative attitude. I asked forgiveness for being stubborn. I asked forgiveness for not praying for this woman right away. Then my prayer became all about this woman and her family. I prayed that they would be blessed with good health. I prayed that the Spirit would go and comfort them. I prayed that God would continue to watch over them. I prayed that my heart would be softened. I prayed that I could be more understanding of other people and asked God to help me.
The Spirit came and filled my heart with love. Love for this woman that I don't know. Love for her children. Love for everyone who may be hurting or struggling right now.
I made a promise to myself and to God that I would be more understanding and kind. I would show love and compassion to everyone that I come in contact with. I promised to strive harder- more than ever before- to share Christ-like love with everyone. Even those who hurt me. Even when I don't understand.
So to the woman at Smith's grocery store around 6:10 pm on Tuesday, January 26, 2016, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for the whole situation. I'm sorry the car was parked crooked. I'm sorry I was internally frustrated and gave you a lame apology. I'm sorry your kids had to squeeze to get into your car. I'm sorry that I had negative feelings towards you. I'm sorry that my actions affected you. I'm really sorry. I wish you and your family the best in life. May God continue to watch over you and bless you with so much goodness!
On a similar note: I taught Relief Society this last Sunday about following the Spirit and always having Him as a companion. It was based on this talk given by President Henry B. Eyring from October 2015 General Conference. I needed that lesson. What happened tonight was an opportunity to obey the Spirit. I guess you could say that I obviously need more practice. And I now know that it's so important to have the Holy Ghost as your companion ALL the time. The Spirit will always teach you (correct me), comfort you, and guide you. Here's to striving to be better.
You can feel completely clueless. Stagnant. Unmotivated. Useless. Everything seems blurry. What used to be strictly black and white has now smeared into a questionable gray. It's dim. I could trudge the sticky mud aimless. Or I could wait. But wait for what? I guess I'll just pray.
