I found this beauty a few years ago. I remember laying on the couch and typed in "grandma holding chicken" on Pinterest. I laughed. A lot. Then I posted it on my friends wall, because sharing is caring.
Happy Wednesday, darlings. There won't be a post until...I have no idea when I'll post next. I'm moving. You know the drill. Byeee.
...that I've ever written. I'm dreamin' of this mac and cheese I made a million years ago. You want a recipe? Okay...
Ingredients:
Elbow Macaroni
Cheddar Cheese (I prefer medium cheddar.)
2 T of Butter
2 T of Flour
Milk (or cream)
Boil noodles until al dente. Strain and put in greased pan. Over low heat, melt butter. Once melted, add the flour and mix until it becomes like dough. Add milk and turn up the heat and whisk to combine the flour and milk. Add cheese (leave 1/2 cup of cheese for topping) and stir until cheese is completely melted and thickens into a sauce. Pour over noodles and mix together. Heat oven to 350 degrees and bake for 10-15 minutes. Pull out of oven and add remaining 1/2 cup of cheese over the top and put in oven until cheese is melted and golden brown.
Optional: You can jazz it up with some garlic or a breaded topping. I usually make a topping out of Corn Flakes. It's not the worst.
Instead of dishing it on plates, just hand everyone a fork and eat from the pan. Less dishes. (Totes joking...but not really.)
"I thought of you today as I sat on the bench at the Temple . I didn't have time to go in, because the doors were closed, but I sat on the bench facing the Temple and watched the cute elderly couples. I love seeing old couples walking out of the Temple and holding hands. I hope we're like that. I hope we are frequent Temple goers and have no shame in showing the world our sweet love. (Obviously within reason, because you know how I feel about PDA.) I don't know what lies ahead for us in 50 years, but as long as we are covenant keeping lovers, I think we'll be fine."
In the dark of the night, I sat there in her chair and propped my feet up on the ottoman. (I'm chair sitting for a few days for my friend.) I sat there as past trauma re-surfaced. It was unexpected and felt like someone had knocked the breath out of me.
No tears. Absolutely no tears. Just pain.
I wanted to abandon myself. Go numb and not have a care in the world. But I couldn't. I had to feel and process. I began to speak to myself with love:
I am daughter of the most Divine. I am a experiencing a moment that will help me become more like my Father in Heaven. It's okay for me to feel the pain right now. This is a process. I am not weak. Broken hearts will be mended. I am a Queen. I can do hard things with grace! I am loved.
I am tired of shaming myself when I begin to feel the pain of trauma. Giving up just pushes me back. It's not worth it to me. But I'm worth moving past it. I don't need to allow those feelings to make me feel defeated.. I'm worth more than that.
My brain won't stop thinking. Being a woman, it amazes me how much I think and analyze about so many things. Lately it seems like my brain won't shut up and I spend hours laying in bed thinking and analyzing into the wee hours of the morning. God and I talk a lot at night. I have found our conversations are the strongest between the hours of 3:00-4:00 in the morning.
Things are changing in my life and I am trying so hard not to abandon ship. (I'm really good at that.) My brain freaks out, but I tend to repress everything usually until after dark. I love night time, because while being up most of the night can be physically draining, I feel the closest to God. When nightfall comes and everything is quiet, I feel like I can think properly. I feel like my heart and mind are more open to receiving personal revelation.
I like to keep an index card in my pocket, so that during the day I can write down thoughts that come to mind that I should think about later. When the night comes, I pull out my card and go through the list. Some days have more than others. I analyze each one and think more in depth until I've exhausted each thought.
I keep telling myself to just take deep breaths. Politically, this country is drowning. I do not support either candidate. I'll leave it at that. But I keep taking deep breaths. I can put aside my own opinions and I can choose to love. Not because this world has become all #lovewins and #loveislove but because God loves. Jesus Christ loves. And whether you believe in religion or not, love is needed in this world. More and more it seems like hate has become more prevalent.
One day things will be very different. One day all the chaos of the world will settle. One day. I trust my God and His plan. He surely is at the helm. I see His hand in my life, even when I begin to feel frustrated with the world, especially this country.
This country is beautiful. It was built on a sure foundation. The more changes that have been made towards this foundation, the weaker it has become. I've been noticing this. But she is still beautiful. And she will still hold strong. She was built on God's foundation. She is beautiful.
I am grateful to be a citizen of a beautiful country. I am grateful for the freedom I have to worship my God as I so choose. I believe in the gospel of Jesus Christ, because it is what I have built my sure foundation on. My God will provide and He always has and as He always will.
I struggle to find my Savior sometimes. I trust so fully in God that I think that is enough. Deep inside I know that I can't have one without the other. The two make an eternal pair that help me reach my eternal destiny. I try to hold on to the times where I have deeply felt His love.
The other day I was thinking about why I have such a tendency to brush Him aside. If I truly love my God and trust Him, then shouldn't I be able to fully trust my Savior? I've always heavily relied on my God to help, comfort, and provide for me. A part of me feels like if I begin to rely on Christ more, then I won't have a balanced relationship with Him and God. I know, that sounds ridiculous. Another part of me, maybe a bigger part, is that I feel unworthy of His love and mercy. (Satan is a jerk!)
I've made a goal to read the New Testament, because reading stories of Jesus and His life, seemed like the right idea. A story that has always been my favorite, is when Jesus comes to Mary and Martha as they feel deep sorrow for the loss of their brother Lazarus.
"Then when Mary was come where Jesus was, and saw him, she fell down at his feet, saying unto him, Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died.
When Jesus therefore saw her weeping, and the Jews also weeping which came with her, he groaned in the spirit, and was troubled,"
And said, Where have ye laid him? They said unto him, Lord, come and see.
Jesus wept.
Then said the Jews, Behold how he loved him!" -John 11:32-36
I love this raw emotion that it pained the Savior to purely see how Mary was feeling, but also that He too lost a dear friend. I best find my Savior when I too feel deep pain. It seems the older that I get, the harder the trials are and the deeper the pain has become. Through that heartache, I find Him. I imagine Him seeing me cry and He too crying with me as He did with Mary.
I'm not perfect. I'm human. But even He understands the human part of me and the joy that perfection will be if I hold true. I'll keep searching for Him daily. I'll keep trying to see His hand in my life each day.
I will always find Him, but even better, He never lost me. He has been with me the whole time. I just wasn't paying attention.
Very grateful for second, third, and millions of chances to try again and improve.
"Behold, thy sins are forgiven thee, and thou art an elect lady, whom I have called."
"Murmur not because of the things which thou has not see, for they are withheld from thee and from the world, which is wisdom in me in a time to come."
"And the office of thy calling shall be for a comfort unto my servant, Joseph Smith, Jun., thy husband, in his afflictions, with consoling words, in the spirit of meekness."
-D&C 25 3-5
Emma Smith is one of the women that I look up to. She's a strong woman who endured through much pain and affliction. I can't imagine being in her shoes and having to carry the burdens that she had. I love this chapter in Doctrine and Covenants, because it was revelation specifically for her. I had a tender moment as I read this chapter, because it I could feel the love that God had specifically for her. God saw her as His precious daughter. Amongst all the pain she went through, God was with her.
I absolutely adored that she was called to be a comfort to her husband. Seriously, relationship goals right there. More than anything, I desire to be there for my (future) husband to love and support him. Emma was a solid example of that as she supported Joseph Smith through such horrendous times. I believe Emma is an example of continuing to follow the Lord, even through so much heartache. She truly is an elect lady and one that I admire so deeply.
If you know me, then you know that I love the Olympics. If you really know me, then you know that the summer Olympic games are my favorite. I love all the events. So in honor of the Olympic Games opening ceremony and events to follow, I'll be pretty much unavailable for the next three weeks. Byeee!
Obviously joking (kind of) but I have pre-written many posts and have them scheduled for the next few weeks. I know, you don't believe me, so you'll just have to keep comin' back to see if I lied. Byeeee.!
It's never too late to adjust your course. It's never too late to start again. It's never too late to do good. It's never too late to reach your goals. It's never too late to do His will. It's never too late.
I constantly remind myself that it's never too late for me. I'm only on God's timetable. He will guide me to where He wants me to be. He will guide me as I fulfill my goals and ambitions. It's never too late.
Breaking down barriers is something I've been working on. I build it up and burn it down. Lately the fire has burning and burning, but nothing was coming down. And when I finally gave up in frustration, a wave of emotion washed up and completely exposed my soul. I felt oddly relieved, because fighting has been exhausting.
I'm exhausted emotionally, physically, and mentally. I'm tired of hating myself. I'm tired of trying to be someone I'm not. I'm tired of hiding myself. I'd normally be so focused on covering up my insecurities once they are exposed, but I just can't do it anymore.
.
I received a lot of personal revelation last week. It was beautiful and powerful. And then Satan came and kept whispering his little lies in my ear. I didn't appreciate that. The pressure was just beginning to be too much and I gave in. I crashed and burned.
Today I decided to go to the Temple. I felt exposed to the Lord, but I felt a peaceful feeling come over me as I sat there and pondered everything. I knew that God knew that I was exhausted. . I could feel my Savior, beckoning me to come unto Him. Surely in Christ there is rest for the soul. I need Him, especially now.
I'm too tired to fight. So I'll hold the Lords hand and let Him fight with me.
Today I stalked some of my married friends. I don't usually FB stalk, but it just seemed like a good idea at the time. Definitely a time killer too, because by the time I was done, an hour had gone by! Geez. No regrets.
I think my favorite thing is seeing through pictures how these couples started off with dating which transitioned to engagement, then marriage, and for some, babies. I love seeing the joy in my friends eyes as they transition from one to the other.
This is so becoming to me. Especially as I see my girl friends transition from wife to motherhood. You can see the bliss and love in their eyes. I have the utmost respect for those women who become mothers or watch over children with love. It's a big responsibility and mindset to have, but oh my word is it beautiful! So obviously it's becoming, because it's beautiful! Speaking of mothers, I'd like to quickly insert my love for my mama! Today is her birthday and she deserves all the birthday wishes and love! Happy Birthday, Mama Rock! I love you!
I would also like to submit that seeing a father love his children is seriously one of the best things to see! I love seeing my brothers interact with their kids. It gives me all the feels and hopes for my future love.
OMG! Sadie Banks is a beautiful, talented photographer that I had the opportunity to work with. She's so sweet and she's definitely got some made talent. I was very pleased with the pictures, because naturally, I was awkward and uncomfortable. Here's a few pictures that she snapped of me.
Huge thanks to Sadie for reaching out! Check out more of Sadie and her mad photo skills here:
