A Personal Interview

This last Sunday, Elder M Russell Ballard came to talk to fourteen YSA stakes in the valley at the BYU Marriot Center. His loving concern and bold remarks really hit me. (In the best way of course.) He counseled each one of us to take some time to be alone and have a personal interview with ourselves. He asked to make a list of those things that we know we need to repent of and change. He asked us to think about where we see ourselves in six months. He then asked us to make goals for ourselves, so that we can make those necessary changes and to be where we see ourselves in six months from now. He then re-iterated the importance of our righteous intentions:

What are your true intentions and desires of your heart?

This question sunk deep down into my heart and I sat there and thought about it. I had never really thought about them up until then.

Later that afternoon, I did exactly what Elder Ballard asked and had my personal interview. I made my lists and prayerfully set my goals. It felt so good to be able to take a step back and re-align myself with God's will. It felt so good to be vulnerable to the Lord. It felt so good to ponder about the desires and intentions of my heart and to see how those will affect my goals.

I made a goal that needed to be done by Tuesday. I told my roommate about it and made a commitment to getting it done. It was huge step for me. One that I really didn't want to make. And boy did Satan work so hard on me. I let fear overcome me and I started rationalizing why I shouldn't take this step. I then immediately went to a dear friend of mine who gave me a blessing. Oh how I cherish each Priesthood blessing that I receive. Those blessings (especially now) are much needed. As he put his hands on my head, I felt instant peace wash over me. God reminded me the "special work" that was in store for me and asked me to continue in faith as I begin the walk into the unknown. After the blessing, I courageously did what I needed to do. Not only was I able to accomplish my first goal, but I made huge progress. I couldn't help but smile as I sat there at my desk, knowing that I had done what God asked me to do.

Since then, the unknown has been dark, but as I've been filling myself with God's light and keep the eternal perspective, it's carried me through it. I invite you to do as Elder Ballard counseled. Take that time to evaluate where you are and where you want to be. What changes do you need to make? What are your true intentions and desires of your heart?

The Lord is hastening His work. He needs all of us to help Him. I firmly believe that the Lord has something special for each one of His children to do here on earth. He needs you ready, so when the time is right, He can call upon you to do His will. If for some reason you feel like you're not ready or even worthy, then I say start now. "You can do it now!" as Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf boldly said. The atonement is easily and readily accessible. This is something that I have been recognizing in my own life. Ever since I decided to use it in my life, it has begun to make a difference.

"We acknowledge that your path will at times be difficult. But I give you this promise in the name of the Lord: rise up and follow in the footsteps of our Redeemer and Savior, and one day you will look back and be filled with eternal gratitude that you chose to trust the Atonement and its power to lift you up and give you strength." -Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf "You can do it now!"

I hope your week is going well and that God is continuing to pour out His love and blessings to you. Also, Jesus loves you.

Time for Her

I spent Thursday with my lovely mother at home in Highland. Wednesday night was a long night for me. I ached to be home and God knew that. Home is a sacred and safe place for me and my mom is the woman I look up to most in my life. She's a rock of woman, that mother of mine! No doubt God knew who was to be my mother in this mortal life. She is a strength to my family. A mother's love is the most genuine and special love that one could ever have. (Next to Gods love, of course. But they're pretty similar, aren't they?)

I was laying in bed, all warm and cozy underneath my covers earlier today and I got to thinking about Her. I don't often think about Her, because She's rarely mentioned. She's so sacred and special, that God protected Her good name. But I couldn't help thinking about my Heavenly Mother. I've been told through blessings that I have some of her precious and divine qualities.

Being buried in my warm blankets, it got me thinking about how great it would be to be with Her. I imagined just the two of us on Her big bed. It's got the most comfiest quilt and the bed is so soft. I would lay there wrapped up in that big quilt, with my head in her lap as she stroked my hair. I could tell her anything. We'd have girl talk. She'd listen to me intently as I quietly cried to her about my heartaches and struggles. She'd laugh as I told her funny stories and she'd give me loving counsel.

As I laid in my bed, I felt this overwhelming warmth and love encompass me. I then began to pray and asked God to tell Her that I loved her and felt Her love for me. It was pure and perfect. A "heart tapping moment" if you will. (Heart tapping moments are those precious tastes of what heaven/eternity is like.)

I can't wait to hug her one day. She must be a wonder of a woman! God is very lucky to have Her by His side! I truly believe that each one of us, have divine qualities from our Heavenly Parents! Each unique, but compliment each other so perfectly. They are the true examples of how a marriage and a relationship between husband and wife should be. She must be the perfect wife to Heavenly Father. She supports Him alongside with each one of their children. They counsel together and are so involved in each of their children's lives.

How precious, isn't it? That She cares just as much as He does about our own lives. That She is just as involved as He is! She is rooting for me every step of the way. She wants me home. She wants to have those mother/daughter moments with me. She knows what it's like to have struggles. She knows what it's like to feel rejection, low self-esteem, having wayward children. She knows the pain that comes with periods, miscarriages, having children with disabilities. She know's what it feels like to be lonely. She know's what disappointment feels like. She also knows the joy that life can bring. She too has a strong testimony of the gospel. She too has walked the long road and She made it!

She's my Mother. She's your Mother. And She loves you and She loves me. Wow. I'm grateful for Her. Words could never fully express how grateful I am for her. She is an example to me.

Love Letter #1

"Call me crazy, but I totally people watch. It's kind of similar to creeping, but that tends to be frowned upon in most cases. Anyways, I was people watching and watched several couples interactions. Here are my findings:

You have the couple who just giggles in the corner of the room. They're probably whispering sweet nothings in each others ears. Who knows?

Next, you have the couple who sit across from each other "studying", when really they are checking each other out when the other isn't looking. It's on going. I think the guy is winning. 

And to my right, we have the touchy couple on the couch. I don't need to paint that picture for you.

I love to observe and analyze them in the way they interact. I love seeing the way each individual treats their love. 

All this got me thinking about YOU. Yes, YOU! I sometimes allow my mind to think about us. I mean, which couple are we like? I imagine us being crazy funny. No doubt we probably laugh all the time. And you know how I dearly love to laugh. It keeps us young, you know! But yet, we have such a gentle side that really brings the fire to our friendship. I'm glad we built our foundation rock solid (no pun intended), so that our friendship, love, and marriage will take us to eternity and beyond! So let's keep pressing forward, okay? We've got lots to do, places to see, love to build, and much more!

Now can I tell you about something that really hit me today? I had been feeling really down lately about the idea of divorce. Divorce rates are through the roof! Finances, infidelity, pornography, gambling--just a few factors that lead to divorce. The idea of divorce, really set a fear inside my heart. That's not even an option in my book! I was working on a project, with music playing in the background, when a song began playing that I had never heard The lyrics were beautiful! I had to look them up and write them down, so that I could share with you. They were so enveloping and comforting to that dear 'ole heart of mine. A tender mercy, no doubt from God! 

I'll Be There - Brighten

Someday you'll make a promise
Yeah one you'll wanna keep
There will never be a question love
You're making it with me

No one said that it'd be easy
When trouble comes around
I will never let you fall dear
And you will never let me down

Ooh, I know
Ooh, I know
It's gonna be a long hard ride
It's gonna be a long hard ride
But I'll be there

Our jobs are taking over
The world's become so hard
We will learn as we grow older
We're stronger than they are

Just love me forever
Just love me forever

Ooh, I know
Ooh, I know
It's gonna be a long, hard ride
It's gonna be a long, hard ride
I'll be there

You're probably thinking how cheesy I am--just remember, that you asked me to marry you. (I know, I know, I was the one who said yes.) Together, we work to make our marriage work. Always. And that's what I want you to know. 

Right now, this very second for you, I am telling you right now that I love you. I made covenants with you in the Temple and I will always hold them dear to my heart. Nothing can stop us from reaching eternity! Sure, our lives might not be perfect this very moment in our lives, but I will never give up on us. When the weight of the world is on our shoulders, let's show them that "we're stronger than they are." And with God, babe we got it all! We've got this! Satan can't tear us apart. 

Right now, this very second for me, I am telling you right now that I love you. Sure, I don't know you yet, but that doesn't matter. I pray for you every. single. day. I'm doing my best to strengthen my relationship with God, so that I can better love and serve you. Sure, my life right now isn't perfect, but I will never give up on us. When the weight of the world is on my shoulder, I just remind myself that the same is probably happening to you too. Satan can't stop me from preparing myself for you. And with God, babe we got it all!

Don't give up! Keep going. "Someday you'll make a promise...you're making it with me." If you're feeling all warm and fuzzy right now, you should think about taking me out for ice cream. Just an idea...I'm full of those!"

Cheers to the weekend!

"I've got my ticket for the long way 'round."

I bought my ticket for the Frontrunner and jumped on board. I love the train! It's so smooth and quick! It's definitely my choice of transportation! I was Salt Lake City bound! 

After my lovely ride on the train, I jumped on Trax and rode it into downtown Salt Lake. There's something about public transportation that I love. Perhaps it's the fact that I love to people watch. Unfortunately, where I was sitting, I didn't really have anyone intriguing to creep on. 

I am on the tenth floor of the Joseph Smith Building. You get such a breathtaking view of the temple! Really, you ought to try it! 

I love Church Headquarters! The building is massive, but inside is where the magic happens. 

Actually, let's be real this is where the REAL magic happens. I love the temple! 

Night life, City Creek HOLLA!!! If you've never been to City Creek, then put that on your bucket list. Yes, it's an outdoor mall, but still, it's pretty awesome! You should also stop at the store Lush. It's got all kinds of weird soap that you can smell. I've always had a small obsession with that store. I've never bought anything from there and probably never will, but it's pretty cool. I've also heard that their products are amazing.

Now I know what you're thinking, these three pictures are random. If you ever stop at the Draper Towne Centre station, you will find this. It was random, but I just had to snap a picture! I had some interesting things to read while I waited for a friend to pick me up.

Meet the former Elder Knutson. He showed up at my doorstep late Friday night. He's my little brother. (But not really.) It was a great surprise! He's pretty funny!

And last of all, the BYU Homecoming Football game against Nevada. We lost. It was sad. However, the game was fun! I'd forgotten how much I love going to football games! This was probably the first game that I didn't come home with a sore throat from screaming and cheering. 

The rest of my weekend was quiet. Sunday was relaxing and rejuvenating. I'd say it was a pretty good weekend.

Not My Will

Sunday was quite lovely. I can happily say that with a smile on my face. Church was beautiful beyond measure! Ward conference was absolutely  what I needed. Each meeting was just spot on. It was a lot to take in - I was scribbling down notes like mad. 

The afternoon was quiet and relaxing. No meetings = nap time! (I'm pretty sure that I had a dream about Harry Potter.) I got settled into my bed and started reading a book on my phone. I am currently reading "Growing Up Duggar" which is surprisingly good. (Book review on this coming soon) Somewhere in there, I fell asleep and woke up to my roommates laughing in the kitchen. (And goodness, they are soooo funny!!!)

Sunday night started off rough, but ended so beautifully! I feel so blessed to have wonderful people in my life. I had a good chat with my older brother on the phone who gave me great counsel. I received a blessing that gave me strength. I talked to some dear friends, who definitely cheered me up and helped me get back on my feet. I feel so blessed!

This was on my mind today:

How can I boldly say this to my Heavenly Father? How can I fully give my whole heart and will to Him? One of the few things that I want to do is to be able to fully give and dedicate my life to the Lord. I'm realizing very quickly that I can't just make this decision on a whim. I wish I could, but I can't. However, I'm building up to it. "By small and simple things are great things brought to pass." It's a constant process. The more obedient I am, the more trust I have in Him. Trust always makes the decision easier to make. I am just grateful that God accepts me as I am right now. That He accepts the fact that I struggle to give Him my whole heart. He understands that and He knows that I am trying. And that's good enough for now. I have a lot of time to continue progressing.

True Blue

Dear Readers,

As I promised earlier, I wanted to tell you about this lovely foundation called True Blue! It's this awesome foundation that raises "suicide awareness, prevention, and grief support."

A wonderful girl in my ward brought this to my attention and asked if the service committee wanted to be a part of her special project. This was her family foundation. How could I turn down this awesome opportunity?

Though I didn't know Ethan Empey personally, I know his lovely sister. She is such a wonderful, bright young woman! And I can only imagine that her brother was just as great as she is! After reading up on her brother, I was touched by the person that he was.

The 'Blue' in True Blue stands for the following:

Be Loving Understanding Empathetic

According to family and friends, Ethan exemplified these characteristics during his life. Wow! Talk about awesome characteristics! Way to be an example, Ethan!

One thing that really struck me with this foundation, was their awareness to mental illness. The support that they offer to those who suffer with it or have a loved one who is suffering with it, is incredible! They really reach out!

This immediately got me thinking about Elder Jeffrey R. Hollands talk, Like A Broken Vessel. He so gently expressed his thoughts on this sensitive topic. 

"Whatever your struggle, my brothers and sisters—mental or emotional or physical or otherwise—do not vote against the preciousness of life by ending it! Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee. Though we may feel we are “like a broken vessel,” as the Psalmist says, we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed. While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind."

I also what to add that I truly believe that God is in the very details of our lives. You see, I was going through some hard core depression, when I was asked if the service committee wanted to help out with True Blue. The depression was so bad that it was affecting me physically, but mostly emotionally and mentally. I started having some intense thoughts of suicide and cutting myself. It scared me! I kept trying to tell myself that it was just a phase and that it will pass, but I tell you, depression is not just a phase. It's a real problem!

I did some research on this foundation to know more about it and it helped me realize that I had a problem and I needed to fix it. I was able to have the courage to confide in my mom about the issue. With her loving kindness and concern, she and my dad began to help me. I was also able to confide my problem to two of my dear friends whose concern got the Bishop involved. My Bishop has been working closely with my parents in getting me the help I need. 

I have become familiar with NAMI- National Alliance of Mental Illness. I first learned about it in a behavioral class and became even more familiar with it the past few weeks. You should totally check it out! It's very informative. 

I want you to know that if you are suffering from a mental illness or you know someone who is, there is support for you. You are loved, so very loved! It's definitely a crazy roller-coaster, but I firmly believe that you can be healed! Through the power of the atonement, I believe that we all can be healed. 

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. - Alma 7:11-12

When you feel discouraged, just remember that Jesus Christ understands how to succor you. He's walked your Gethsemane before!

Do you have a mental illness or know someone who does? What's your [or their] story? What's something you did [or do] to help you cope? Did you turn to professionals for help? What would your advice be? I'd love to do a follow up post on this topic, so please send in your stories. You can find contact info in the 'More about the Miss' page.

Check out True Blue on Facebook! You won't be disappointed! Let's all show our support and love!

--Miss Marli

A Day in the Life...

Today was a bank holiday, which gave me the chance to help out with a special project. I can't wait to tell you about a wonderful foundation that I helped with this special project. Stay tuned for that coming up later this week.

I had a lazy morning until about ten when I decided it was time to get my day started. I tried to organize my time wisely, so that I could spend the majority of my time working on this blog. (There is so much that needs to be done to this dear blog of mine.) However, that was not the case. I was working and running around like a mad woman, trying to get several things done.

Everything came together perfectly and my heart was seriously bursting with joy. I then hid away for a bit, so that I could sit down. Nothing felt better than knowing that I was exhausted from a long day filled with service. Also, sitting down after hours of running around felt like heaven. I then kept thinking about how I really wanted to spend my day off working on this blog and doing some reading. Then I felt the Spirit correct me and reminded me of the service that I and the rest of the ward did today. That was very humbling. The Spirit also reminded me of the service that people did for me while I was coordinating everything. My heart was filled with more joy and I couldn't help but smile and say a quick prayer to thank Heavenly Father for looking out for me.

Doing service isn't always convenient. It's not always something that people want to do. It's so easy to rationalize and think, "Well, it's the thought that counts." I feel like service usually ends up with me having to sacrifice my time. However, the Lord taught me a lesson about service. He blesses His children when they serve each other. I couldn't have gotten everything done without the kindness of the people around me. My dear co-chair did so much and even drove to Springville to collect some boxes for me. My dear roommate who had already cleaned the kitchen twice, even fed me dinner. I am ever grateful for the help. I'm grateful that God watched over and helped me out. Man, God is so good.

Don't hesitate to serve. It always gives back.

Fall brings change

Can I just tell you how beautiful the leaves are right now? I had the pleasure of venturing up the canyon with some dear friends one Sunday afternoon. The view was spectacular! I love fall! The change has been breathtaking.

I was walking to work and noticed how much more vibrant the mountains looked. I then had a thought that has been simmering on my mind all day. I had been thinking about the changes that I am going through in my life and thought it was ironic that this was going on during the same time as the seasonal change. 

This really got me thinking that change is a byproduct of the atonement of Jesus Christ. One cannot truly use the atonement in their life and not change.

Change [cheynj]: To Transform or Convert (source)

It's that conversion process that transforms one to be a better person than they were before. I then started thinking about my conversion story. It's not this grand story--not yet anyways. It's happening right now. I'm still in the beginning stages. What I've learned remembered, is that the atonement is real. I don't know or understand every little detail that it entails, but gradual process has been bringing light into my life. That's just a beginning. 

I have a love for President James E. Faust who said:

"If we will turn to the Lord and believe on His name, we can change. He will give us the power to change our lives, the power to put away bad thoughts and feelings from our hearts. We can be taken from “the darkest abyss” to “behold the marvelous light of God” -The Power to Change (source)

 Wow! No wonder Jesus Christ holds the title 'Savior'. It's fitting, isn't it? This change brings light. Light brings joy. Not only that, but how cool is it that we have the ability to change ourselves? With His divine help, we can change. I've struggled wrapping my mind around this lately, just because I am impatient and want immediate results. However, that hasn't stopped me from giving up. I have hope that I'll one day reap the reward of being who God wants me to become. I believe that will change me for the better.

What's your conversion story? Are you going through it just like me? Are you seeing changes being made into your life? Are you struggling through it? Do you feel like you've been tested to your limits? If this is you, the my message is to you (as well as myself):

(Source)

And as Elder Jeffrey R. Holland firmly put it:

"DON'T YOU GIVE UP! DON'T YOU QUIT! You keep walking. You keep trying. There is happiness and help ahead...It will be all right in the end. TRUST GOD and believe in good things to come!" -Good Things to Come (Source)