Emma is different. Emma isn't just a best friend, but she is my confidant who has deemed herself worthy of a true intimate friendship. If anyone in this life knew me better than myself, it's her. I have never fully been able to open up to someone. Ever. I always draw a line and no one has crossed that line except for Emma.
When told in counseling that I needed a support group, I immediately thought of Emma. I admit I was hesitant to open up to her. I didn't want to burden her. She lived in California and it would be too complicated. Then one day she told me she was coming to visit. We go together and I felt comfortable around her. I had forgotten how much I enjoyed being around her.
She could see in my eyes that I needed to talk. So I said a quick prayer for strength and was able to open up to her in the deepest, most sincere, and intimate way. For the first time in all my years, I took off my mask. She never judged me for my imperfections. She immediately forgave me and embraced me for all that I am. She encouraged me and cheered me on as I have battled some hard things. She saw my emotionally raw true self. And she still loved me.
Together she and I had forged an unbreakable friendship. She knows things that no one knows about me, not even in my family, counselor, or close friends. Our bond was so strong. The only person I thought I could ever have this kind of relationship with was my husband. God proved me wrong. He taught me that I could have this bond with very special people. Emma being one of them.
Emma passed away, leaving behind her sweet husband and baby boy. I can't comprehend or explain the ache I feel inside. It's too intimate and the cut is deep. What I can say is that I hope to be half the friend she was to me. In honor of my dear friend, I share with you some of her words that have touched me.
You could be whoever you want. You could do whatever you want. You could make x amount of dollars and buy France, if you wanted. But if you can't be true to yourself then you are living a miserable lie that will bring eternal hell. And you're not worth that!
Think about it; prophets of old, dedicating their lives in the pursuit of happiness for others. They know God. They love God. They served God. It only makes sense that they would willingly give their lives to Him. They know what joy is. We need to be like that. Come to know our God and to love and serve Him; be willing to submit fully to Him. Because that's how we experience true happiness.
I won't say that I'm mad, because I'm not. I won't say that I'm not confused, because I am a little. But I will say, that I forgive you, because you're worth it. So you screwed up. Big whoop! What impresses me the most is seeing you here; mask off and exposed. It makes me love and appreciate you more. And that's why I forgive you; I see your worth. It's beautiful! I want to see more of you.
Forgive me as I lament over my dear Emma. She truly is a remarkable woman. She will be dearly missed! More importantly, I pray for the Bezzant family in their time of grief. How hard it must be to lose a daughter, a wife, and a mother; I can't even comprehend that pain. I now rely fully on the mercy and healing power of the atonement to fill the emptiness. It always fills the gaping holes in my heart. I pray that the same healing power will also heal those who are aching at this time.
Goodbye Em, see you on the flip side.
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