Stan

I almost killed my fish. I almost killed my roommates fish that I have secretly adopted as my own. I was cleaning out Stan's fish bowl and I usually just leave him in the net in a bowl of water. Well The net was sitting awkwardly on the bowl and you guess it. It toppled over onto the floor.

SPLAT!!!

I screamed and quickly picked up the net and put it back in the water. For a second there I thought I killed him. It. Was. Awful. Legit, the worst feeling everrrrrrrr!!! Thought I lost my baby! ...I mean my fish. I mean my roommates fish. That's not mine. (But he's mine.)

Stan is alive and swimming in a clean and very warm fish bowl. Whew!

Love Letters #15

"Today's #LIGHTtheWORLD is about showing compassion and it got me thinking about raw emotion. Something that I've become more familiar with as I go through this life. I think one of the most satisfying and fulfilling moments you can have with someone is showing love on a raw, emotional level. And while you may not fully understand how the other person feels, you feel with them as best as you can.

I was once talking with a friend about marriage and the type of man that I wanted to marry. I think my list has evolved from a long complicated and unrealistic list to a very short, simple one.

• A man who honors and respects his Priesthood.
• Sense of humor
• Kind, thoughtful, and caring
• Emotionally intelligent supportive

That last one doesn't mean anything big. I don't want a psychiatrist or counselor. It just means one who will show compassion during those times when others are having a very human moment. Often times, it's easy to feel uncomfortable during those moments when others are being vulnerable. I know, I've been there on both sides! Or there will be times when we just brush it off and tell someone it's going to be fine without really hearing them. I just want someone who will love deeply during those raw moments. I feel those moments and I don't need you to fix it. I just want you to love me through it and to show kindness and patience. 

That's how Jesus Christ is, especially during His life here. He comforted so many who suffered their own raw pain. He loved them through it. He does that with us now. His love and mercy is always there for us. Christ-like love encompasses compassion, mercy, love, and charity. It is the very healing balm that can soothe any weathered heart. 

I really want that for our marriage. I want to emulate Christ-like love to you. I may not perfectly understand everything, but that's fine. That's what Jesus Christ does. But I can love you through it. I can be patient with you and hold your hand. We weren't meant to be alone. We were meant to love and serve each other during all seasons of life. 

I'm not asking for perfection. I'm just asking for compassion."

Read last entry here: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/12/love-letters-14.html

Strength through The Book of Mormon

I woke up to bloodshot eyes, tired-achy bod, and fried brain early this morning. I feel like (and look like) I've gone through the ring a few times. But hey! I have 4 cans of Stephens Hot Cocoa in my cupboard and Christmas cheese ball in my fridge. It's the simple pleasures in life.

During the busiest time, I've had a lot of personal things come up and big decisions to be made. So the anxious part of me is just having a meltdown and the rest of me is pullin' it together. During the few quiet moments that I've had, I've pulled out my Book of Mormon. It's reminded me that I need to believe that God is aware of me and believe that my Savior understands exactly how I feel right now. And trust me, this is a constant reminder, because lately, I've felt doubtful. I've been doubting myself and doubting God's plan. I haven't been angry with God, because let's face it. That's near impossible for me. But I've been lacking the faith that once carried me. So in order for me to strengthen my faith, I've been reaching for my Book of Morn.

The Book of Mormon has become a blessing in my life. It's helped me pull through some hard times. It's a constant reminder that God lives and knows His Children. He will help anyone who calls on Him. This book is another testament of Jesus Christ. This is His church. He truly brings "good tidings of great joy" to those who embrace Him. I know that I've felt that. Faith and hope have been a consistent theme throughout this book. Those who have faith in their God and Savior, will always come out strong! 

I'm human. I struggle, but I have found ways to overcome those struggles. It's the gospel of Jesus Christ. It's literally brought "good tidings of great joy" into my life. 

Love Letters #14

"I was thinking about identities the other day. It's been ingrained so deeply that I am a daughter of God. But the more I thought about this, I realized that this was the solid foundation of my true identity. The other identities that follow are just added layers. And here's what I came up with:

(Future)Wife/Mother by Priesthood sealing power

Rock by adoption

Samoan by blood

Daughter of God

The layers of identities build upon each other and are all connected to the foundation. If that foundation were to weaken, because of my unbelief, then I truly forget who I am. It's become so important for me to truly understand and love each part of me. It's something that I want us to instill in our children. I want them to know who they are and where they come from. Their foundation, like ours, should be that they are a child of God. That knowledge has the power to pull them through anything that comes their way. It has for me. In a loud, dictating world, I have found peace in knowing who I am. It's carried me through some of the hardest times. ...Also, I think we're going to be good parents, even though the thought of it scares me. That's all."

Read the last entry: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/11/love-letters-13.html

My Roots

I'm a beach girl by blood. I'm pretty sure that ocean water (specifically the Pacific ocean) runs in my veins. There's something about the beach that is home for me. And right now, I'm feeling the call to go home.

If it weren't for the faith of my birth parents, I would not be living the life I have right now. They gave me the best gift, when it caused such heartache on their end. Recently, I have become more and more grateful for their love and kindness. I've never felt more of a pull to go to Western Samoa nor have I felt such a yearning feeling to connect with my Samoan roots. God has truly been pushing me in this direction. He's surrounded me with the right people to help me embrace my Polyneisan culture.

To my Samoan family, I truly and genuinely love you. My thoughts and prayers are always with you. To my birth parents, I love you and am so grateful for the life that you gave me. You gave me a life filled with joy and love. I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life and know that God has me where I need to be. Because of your faith and sacrifice, I can be an instrument in God's hands and fulfill His will for my life. Also, I know that my adopted family, especially my adopted parents, are so grateful for you. You truly handed me over to the best family pssible.  I love you all and pray for you continually! I'll be coming to visit soon!

Prayer - Day 8/Day13

I love this picture of Jesus Christ praying. One of my favorite things about the Savior, is that everything He did was in the Father's will. His love and devotion to God is so admirable. Throughout His life, He never forgot His God. He consistently thanked God through prayer like right before He raised Lazarus from the dead. He prayed when He visited the Americas. He prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane just before He performed one of the greatest gifts to mankind. Not once did He ever forget His God. 

I love that example. I love His devotion to God. I love His constant need for God. That's how I am. I need my God. I need His guidance and His love. And gosh, God be thanked for His kindness and love towards me. The power of prayer was the start to my relationship with God and it's something that I cherish. I love night time, because it's the time when I converse with my God without being interrupted. I pour my heart to Him. The power of prayer really can grow you relationship with your God.

He is the Good Shepherd - Day 3/ Day 8

Let Him claim you.

I've been telling myself this over and over. Giving my whole heart to Him has been hard at times. Sometimes, I feel like I just want to go my own way. I know myself enough to survive. BUT with Jesus Christ, I not only survive, but I thrive. So right now, I'm working on letting go a little at a time and letting Him have me. He is the Good Shepherd. I love this picture, because it clearly shows His love towards the lost sheep. He will go out of His way to find you and hold you. He wants you. He wants to hold you and love you. 

It's not the worst. He'll prove that to you.

You're in Good Hands - Day 2/Day 7

When you feel discouraged during your mortal journey, remember that your Savior, Jesus Christ has walked your path. Everything will be okay. Take a deep breath and know that your Savior is holding your hand!