Becoming (Part Five)

Meditation helps me face the natural man in me. Meditation requires me to push through my natural man instincts and focus. I was hesitant to jump on the bandwagon, because it seemed so iffy. And I associated it with yoga. And I hate yoga with a fiery passion. I've done a grand job at distracting myself that it has made it so much harder for me to focus. But I continue to face and fight the natural man, because doing it helps me tap into my spirit. It brings me back home.

I believe that the more we face and fight through our natural man is a becoming process. We tap into our true spirits. That spirit reminds us how good we are and how great our potential is. That can be a driving force for us to become the person God intends us to be. That's becoming.

Part Four of series: http://itsnottheworst.blogspot.com/2016/02/becoming-part-four.html

Haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate...

...yeah I know, you probably have the song stuck in your head. So with that, I say...werk werk werk werk!

Your emails are fun to read. I love the haters, because they make me laugh. Sorry haters, but when you're rude, I find joy out of it, because it's ridiculous. The fact that you would take so much time in telling me your opinions with choice words, really motivates me to continue forward and writing more. So suck it! :)

That aside, I had someone ask me how my debt-free journey was doing. And gosh! I suck at telling you guys, but here's why. I haven't really progressed at it. I was unemployed for 2 months, so naturally, I didn't spend money. That simple. And yet it was so hard. But now I'm a grown up and have a full-time job, so now my financial goals can start off again with a BANG! So there's that. More to come--obviously!

Also, you've been requesting another "Personal Credence" and "Becoming" posts and they are a comin'! I've been taking my time on each of them, because I'm still processing--so if you'll excuse me for being frank...HOLD YOUR HORSES! But on the real though, the "Becoming" post will be posted on Friday, so HALLE-FREAKIN'-LUJAH!

I'm tired, I'm going to bed. Love you all and tomorrow's post will here before you know it. Byeeeee!

P.S. I clearly understand that this is a lame post and I'm super sorry. But these posts make the other one's seem great, so it's not the worst.

#Mood

You and I both, Kramer. I feel ya!

Plain and Precious Truths #1

"And when Enoch had heard these words, he bowed himself to the earth, before the Lord, and spake before the Lord, saying: Why is it that I have found favor in thy sight, and am but a lad, and all the people hate me; for I am slow of speech; wherefore am I thy servant?

"And the Lord said unto Enoch: Go forth and do a I have commanded thee, and no man shall pierce thee. Open thy mouth and it shall be filled, and I will give thee utterance, for all flesh is in my hands, and I will do as seemeth me good."

"Say unto this people: Choose ye this day, to serve the Lord God who made you."

"Behold my Spirit is upon you, wherefore all thy words will I justify; and the mountains shall flee before you, and the rivers shall turn from their course; and thou shalt abide in me, and I in you; therefore walk with me." -Moses 6:31-34

My friends, I came across this beauty last week and was floored! I posted it on my Instagram, because it was THAT good! Do you ever feel inadequate, because I do like ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!!! Ooooohhh but these words of scripture touched my soul. You see, here's Enoch expressing his own inadequacies to the Lord. Do you do that? I do.

Everyone feels inadequate. That's part of the human experience. Duh! But for real tho, God knew Enoch's potential. If God is going to call someone to press forward with His work, then God is going to pick the right person!  He doesn't let our inadequacies dim our true identity! He purely sees us. And so what does He do? He encourages Enoch to follow Him. He assures Enoch that He will help him every step of the way. And Enoch stays true to His God and we all know how the story ends. He walks with God. Woah.

The Lord has asked me to do His will. And I hesitantly lay my inadequacies before the Lord with my head held low. And perhaps I might be like Enos who "wrestled" with the Lord. And I might be like Enoch who asked, "Why is it that I have found favor in thy sight?" But I believe that like Enoch, God is still there beckoning us to follow Him. And like Enoch, God assures us that if we are for Him, He will be for us.

We can all do hard things, because God is good. God is love. And God is always there. Oh sweet the joy!

WERK, WERK, WERK, WERK, WERK!

Today is a Monday and it's also a new WORK day! A new job and I'm ecstatic! Let's go, let's go, let's go!!! And now you probably have Rihanna's song stuck in your head. #sorrynotsorry!

***Come back tomorrow, because I am starting a new series each week called "Plain and Precious Truths" about things I learn from my scripture study! I'm so excited to share with you and have been working on this series for a while now! The first one will be tomorrow! Huzzah! K, bye!***

Last minute

Dear God,

You've really pushed me farther than I thought I could go. I only cried once. I struggled with breathing, but I made it. While the heaviness of this trial hurt, there were many moments when I felt a lighter load. I believe in you more than I did before. I'm on the right path, because it's your path. Thank you for delivering me at the last minute this morning. I'm ready to start this new life change! I love you, Lord!

Love,

Vibrant Life

I am worthy of a vibrant life.

I watched a video that really "pierced me to the core." It was about living your life. I'm really good at letting the days pass by. For a while there it seemed like the days were just mushed together. I'm a gal who lives a lot by fear. I'm a dreamer. Just a dreamer. Not a do-er. I don't like rejection. I don't like failure. I like to play it safe. I like my bed. I like to stay inside. I'm a home girl.

And every now and then I'll have spontaneous moments. But then the introvert in me has to recuperate for like 8 years. And I hate it. I hate that about myself. If you could only see the lists that I have made for years of things I want to do. You'd be like, "Girl, get yo' shiz together and live yo' life!" And then I would be sitting on the bathroom floor in tears telling you all my insecurities and excuses as to why I can't do them.

Here's the thing, it wasn't until this last trial of being unemployed that REALLY made me think of what I wanted to do. I wasn't doing what I wanted to do. It's my life. And while I am working on understanding my ministry, I also want to have life experiences. I want to have stories to share with my children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. I want to know and feel the joy of my journey.

So I took those lists and I made short-term and long-term goals. Then I carefully (and prayerfully) crafted a plan for those goals with the Lord. Because, Lord knows that I can't do those things alone. I've already proven to Him and myself that I can't. I'm not perfect. But change is very possible. I can change my life now. I want to die knowing that I did three things in my life:

1. Loved God
2. Shared the Gospel of Jesus Christ
3. Lived life to the fullest

Here's I go!

I sicken myself!

You know that feeling when you are given the opportunity to serve someone and you don't do it? Yeah, that was me ten minutes ago. And I am so mad at myself for it. Even after listening to two conference talks about serving others, I still managed to let God and myself down. I don't like this feeling. Yuck. Don't follow my example, but learn from my example.

Prayers for the World

I had a raw moment yesterday. There weren't any tears, but my heart became heavy. There have been two earthquakes in both Japan and Ecuador. Houston, TX has flood warnings. I took a moment to sit down and process. All those people who are facing devastation and suddenly my problems didn't matter anymore. So I've been praying for them. And not just them, but the world. Pain is real. Life happens. Sometimes the rug is snatched from under us by things out of our control. But...

there is joy and peace that come when we turn to God and our Savior, Jesus Christ. Oh how God is very aware of His children. And Jesus Christ, He understands purely how each individual feels. Especially in these times of devastation. I'll be praying more for the world. I'll be praying for those who hard hurting. Those who are facing loss. Those who are hungry and tired. Those who feel they are lacking guidance. Those who are suffering. I will pray that others may feel hope during this hard time. God bless this world and may we all take time to pray for those in need. There is strength in numbers, my friends. May we reach out to those around us who need.

Less is More

The very title has become my new philosophy that I am trying to integrate into my life. With finals comes spring cleaning and a new chapter. I move out of my current apartment in the middle of May and to where? That's a secret for now.

I've watched a few YouTube videos that sparked my curiosity. The idea of becoming a "minimalist" is becoming more and more intriguing to me. I "dejunk" my stuff three times a year. The beginning and ending of the school year and during Christmas Break. I've been doing it more and more and I'm always impressed by how much I have gotten rid of and how great it feels.

So I am embarking on this journey, but this time, I'm really going to go to town with dejunking. I always have this fear of "what if I need this later" or "I spent a lot of money on that" or "My mom gave me that." But after getting some advice and tips from my research, I've finally decided to conquer my fears and get to it.

Today I took notes and made lists on what I want to tackle this week. It's going to make moving so much easier. But more importantly, less stuff = less stress! Halle-freakin'-lujah! Here's to a clean space!

Here is the first video that sparked my interest. I am a fan of Ingrid Nilsen and have been for some time.

A sweet reminder

Love Letters #8

"It's just that I hear so many stories of divorce and how shattering it is. But then I read stories of those who suffered in the very depths of their pain make a miraculous come back and find fresh new love. I'm not saying that I want a divorce. I don't. No one does. But I have so much respect for those who can get back up on their feet. I think it proves that the atonement of Jesus Christ really does cover all pain."

#TBT

This is the first pizza bagel I had even eaten in my life. It was at a bagel shop in downtown Seattle. It was pretty average. What a throw back, right? Wish I could go back to Seattle! #Seattle2014

Prepare for the unprepared

I'm sorry my posts have been not that exciting lately. By the time dinner rolled around last night, I didn't want to make pancakes anymore. So no pancake dinner for me. Anyways, let's take trip down memory lane, shall we?

I was up early this morning for a 10:00 interview. I got there 15 minutes early (as per usual) because I wasn't quite sure where the location was. The environment was chill and the room was a little too warm, but hey, it's not the worst. The interview began and my nerves kicked in full force. I wouldn't say it was horrible, but it sure wasn't my best interview. Thirty minutes later I was walking home with my head hung low. I felt so disappointed in myself. I'm usually really good with interviews, but no matter how much I prepared for this one, I felt so unprepared with my answers.

They'll never hire you.

I know. I messed up.

You jumbled up your words.

I know. I was so nervous.

Way to blow it!

Yeah.

I wanted to cry. I wanted to hide in my bed under the covers and never come out. But I opted for another option. I got home and immediately prayed. God knew what happened. Despite the heaviness, I didn't cry. I just softly talked to Him. Then I did some emotion code to release my negative emotions. And boy did I release so many of them! And then I ended with some relaxation meditation, which actually just made me fall asleep for 10 minutes. But it was good.

I feel better. I feel calm. I don't feel like beating myself up anymore. I did my best and am leaving the rest in God's hands. Regardless of whether or not I get the job or not, I am still a good, strong woman. Satan may tell me all He wants, but I will not choose to listen to him. I am a daughter of God and am filled with His light and love. I'm not perfect, but I am striving to improve every day and that's what counts. Liked Elder Holland said, "You get credit for trying." Life happens, but you know what? It's not the worst.

If you want to learn more about The Emotion Code, here's a link: http://www.drbradleynelson.com/five-things-you-should-know-to-use-the-emotion-code-correctly/

I use an app called, "Simply Being" for my meditation. I really enjoy it, but there are so many others that are good as well. You can find it in on the Google App store or itunes. 

I have way to much time on my hands.

...it's not the worst. I'm wrapping up a project that I've been working on for a while. And now that you've all seen this side of me, I can go wallow in a pancake dinner. Byeeeee.

Meh.

I'm sitting here by a jar of creamy peanut butter and a spoon. I've been busy. I've been stressed. I've been on a spiritual high and I trying to bring myself down. I'm thinking I'm just going to make some chocolate peanut butter banana nice cream and watch some Gilmore Girls. Byeeeee!

General Conference Part Two

I was really taken back by President Monson's talk. He talked about choices and urged us to choose the "harder right" than the "easier wrong". Perhaps fear is huge indicator when making choices, because of course we all want the easier path. But I believe taking the "harder right" path, no matter how treacherous that is, is worth more than we know.

Elder Uchtdorf hit the nail dead on when he said "There's no life so shattered that can't be rebuilt...God is fully aware of those who are lost." Each one of us can be rebuilt to be what God see's who we can be. Because of Jesus Christ, we all have the opportunity to change and become better over and over and over again!That's pretty neat! "It matters not how you became lost whether it's because of poor choices or of thongs out of your power." It takes one step to turn to God. Doesn't matter where you are or what you've been through, it just takes one step.

There were many other talks that I listened to and took notes, but honestly, I am still processing. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, "you get credit for trying" and I really liked that. Every little thing we do does not go unnoticed! God see's us! He knows us. "The Lord blesses those who want to improve." You weren't asked to be perfect right off the bat. No. That's not possible. But you can continuously become better and that's important.

President Monson's Talk: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/choices?lang=eng

Elder Uchtdorf's Talk: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/he-will-place-you-on-his-shoulders-and-carry-you-home?lang=eng

Elder Holland's Talk: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/tomorrow-the-lord-will-do-wonders-among-you?lang=eng

Rewriting my thoughts

I've been complaining a lot lately and I've been really mean in my head. If anyone is my worst critic, it's definitely myself. I've really been chewing myself out and crackin' that whip. And what are the benefits of doing this? Nothing. I benefit nothing. And yet, I still do it.

I came across this beautiful post written by the ever beautiful Mara and she shared how she has been changing her language of her thoughts. I agree with her, when she talked about how her thoughts were "burning up energy" that she needed for the day. I realized that I do this very thing. My thoughts are so negative and worried that it exhausts me more than anything. I'm wasting so much energy through negative self-talk that it's literally killing me. 

So after this realization, I repented. I begged God for His forgiveness. Negative thinking is like a slow death. You hate and hate and hate on yourself and you just wait for yourself to bleed until your heart stops. If I understand that I am a daughter of God, then why in the hell would I treat myself as the exact opposite? I can't do it anymore. Because it's blinding me and killing me faster. 

So I am rewriting my thoughts and letting God's love and light fill me. I pray for His help, because God knows that I can't break nearly 26 years of negative self-talk on my own. My thoughts are more encouraging. My thoughts are more kind. And I'm not gonna lie, it's so hard. It's so very hard and sometimes I just sit down and cry and cry. And then I pray and beg for forgiveness and strength. 

The things I choose to do, just so I can fulfill my ministry. Perhaps this shows just how much this mission that I have been entrusted with is to me.

Here is the link to Mara's blog post: http://www.ablogaboutlove.com/2015/08/my-current-tightrope.html

Here is her main blog link: http://www.ablogaboutlove.com/

Distracted

I've got a lot of thoughts in my head. My focus to understand and fulfill my ministry has been distracted. Today I was just boiling mad at someone for absolutely no reason. I created all these scenarios in my head and I was just mad. As per usual, you wouldn't be able to tell. I was getting other things done. But all the while my mind was mad. Then it dawned on me that was Satan was just being a jerk so I quickly got rid of him.

This journey to towards my ministry has been so trying, because now that I know that I want to fulfill God's will, Satan's been distracting me and filling my mind with anger and pain. And sometimes I want to forget it all and just focus on the things that I need right now. But, my heart is telling me to focus on God.

I have trials and pain just like everyone else. There are things God is asking me to let go, so He can further my journey forward. But I being so stubborn keep putting it off. Last night, I frustratingly wrote down my prayers to God on post it notes and put them on the side of my desk and went to bed. I shamefully was just waiting for God to fix everything. And then tonight I knelt in sincere prayer asking forgiveness for being irresponsible. If I am to fulfill God's will, I need to go through the refiners fire. I need to stand up to the plate. Here's to a good nights rest and a fresh start tomorrow. There's always tomorrow.

General Conference Part One

I was really looking forward to conference. I prayed and fasted that I would be given some guidance in my life. I sat in my chair with a big bowl of corn flakes and was ready to roll! Elder Eyring started off with a beautiful talk that made me think about my seed of faith and whether it's buried in good soil. I've been wanting to strengthen my testimony and Elder Eyring nailed it.

I am really good with forgiving others, but when it comes to forgiving myself, that's a hard no. Elder Kevin R. Duncan spoke on forgiveness and it was a beautiful talk. He said:

"An unforgiving heart harbors so much needless pain. When we apply the healing ointment of the Savior’s Atonement, He will soften our heart and help us to change. He can heal the wounded soul."

I realized that I am holding on to so much pain that I don't need to. So I've been forgiving myself and trying to show myself love and healing. It's a journey friends.

The first session concluded with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir singing, "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" and it was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! If there is any song to conclude a beautiful session, that song was it! The lyrics really hit home:

O to grace how great a debtor daily I'm constrained to be!

Let thy goodness like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to thee

Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love

Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above 

I started tearing up when I heard this song, because I think it's a human part of life where we start to walk away from God. We are hurt and we want to trust Him, but sometimes our faith an trust just isn't strong enough. I know I've felt that. But when we cry out to God, He always hears us and He will reach out. This was me last week. I wanted to walk away and I started to, but I experienced so many tender mercies that kept me in His arms. I cried to God for help. And I felt like I was waiting forever. But it was really strengthening me and then the tender mercies came. And little by little, I began to pray more in praise and gratitude. And God began to lift my spirits and I was filled with overwhelming joy over the weekend. It was worth it.

Part two will be tomorrow. Bye!

Elder Eyring's Talk: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/where-two-or-three-are-gathered?lang=eng 

Elder Ducan's Talk: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/the-healing-ointment-of-forgiveness?lang=eng

All General Conference Talks: https://www.lds.org/general-conference?lang=eng

Face to Face with Jesus

I read the most beautiful book over the weekend. My mom gave me the book and told me to read it. So naturally, I binge read it. This book is called Face to Face with Jesus. This book is written by Samaa Habib and she tells her conversion story from Muslim to becoming a Christian. She talks about how she would pray to Allah five times a day and yet she never heard from him. She feared him. She was in a dangerous situation and prayed to God and He answered her and preserved hhiter life. Through a series of events, she has a pure and powerful conversion to Jesus Christ. From then on, she fully devoted her life to her Savior. When at Church, there were five bombs that had been hidden within the building and she was thrown 10 feet into the air. She died, but she met Jesus Christ. She was given a second chance and came back to her mortal body. She endured pain and all sorts of trials, yet her faith in God and in Jesus Christ sustained her life. She was given power to fight against those who sought to rape her and kill her. She was given power to endure through physical pain and operations after the bombing. She prayed and fasted on multiple occasions. She prayed for strength for herself, but she also prayed for her attackers, she prayed for her brothers after they would beat her, she prayed for family and friends. She shared her testimony of Jesus Christ with everyone, EVEN her attackers. This woman is incredible.

This book answered many questions that I had. I've talked to you about wanting to fulfill my ministry. I had been praying for answers from conference to know where to start. That led me to realize that I need to strengthen my relationship with Christ. I've been wanting to find ways that I could be more devoted to my Savior. You know that I love my God more than anything! God and I are a team. But Jesus Christ and I- we could use some work.

Samaa prayed and fasted to know Her Savior more. That's what I need to do. Pray and to know my Savior. How can I fulfill my ministry about the Savior, if I don't know Him better? I want to devote my life to the Savior and to do the Lord's will. But that means a lot of refining. But if Samaa can do it, then I can too, right? If the prophets of old and modern day have done it, I can too, right? Right.

I give this book 5 stars and I highly encourage you to read it! You'll love it!

Out pour of Love

This last weekend has been one that I have thoroughly enjoyed. With General Conference and family time, I was really looking forward to a weekend full of spiritual renewal. The last few weeks have been hard and I desperately needed a spiritual tune up. I fasted and prayed beforehand and the Lord took care of me just like he always has. I was both spiritually and physically overfed and it was delightful. So many tender mercies from God happened and I felt so undeserving and grateful of His love and the love of others. God really does send such great joy after hard trials. Happy Monday and see you tomorrow. Tomorrow I will share with you a book that I read during conference weekend that was life changing. Byeeeeee!

Invitation

I would like to formally invite you to tune into General Conference THIS Saturday and Sunday! It's a wonderful time to come and learn more about the LDS Church that I belong to. It's also a great opportunity to come feel inspired and motivated to do good. I'll be sharing with you some of my insights next week. For now, I'm packing to head home for the annual general conference pizza and banana split party. Love ya and see you on Monday!

Click here for more info on how to watch General Conference: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/live-viewing-times-and-options?lang=eng