Rewriting my thoughts

I've been complaining a lot lately and I've been really mean in my head. If anyone is my worst critic, it's definitely myself. I've really been chewing myself out and crackin' that whip. And what are the benefits of doing this? Nothing. I benefit nothing. And yet, I still do it.

I came across this beautiful post written by the ever beautiful Mara and she shared how she has been changing her language of her thoughts. I agree with her, when she talked about how her thoughts were "burning up energy" that she needed for the day. I realized that I do this very thing. My thoughts are so negative and worried that it exhausts me more than anything. I'm wasting so much energy through negative self-talk that it's literally killing me. 

So after this realization, I repented. I begged God for His forgiveness. Negative thinking is like a slow death. You hate and hate and hate on yourself and you just wait for yourself to bleed until your heart stops. If I understand that I am a daughter of God, then why in the hell would I treat myself as the exact opposite? I can't do it anymore. Because it's blinding me and killing me faster. 

So I am rewriting my thoughts and letting God's love and light fill me. I pray for His help, because God knows that I can't break nearly 26 years of negative self-talk on my own. My thoughts are more encouraging. My thoughts are more kind. And I'm not gonna lie, it's so hard. It's so very hard and sometimes I just sit down and cry and cry. And then I pray and beg for forgiveness and strength. 

The things I choose to do, just so I can fulfill my ministry. Perhaps this shows just how much this mission that I have been entrusted with is to me.

Here is the link to Mara's blog post: http://www.ablogaboutlove.com/2015/08/my-current-tightrope.html

Here is her main blog link: http://www.ablogaboutlove.com/

Distracted

I've got a lot of thoughts in my head. My focus to understand and fulfill my ministry has been distracted. Today I was just boiling mad at someone for absolutely no reason. I created all these scenarios in my head and I was just mad. As per usual, you wouldn't be able to tell. I was getting other things done. But all the while my mind was mad. Then it dawned on me that was Satan was just being a jerk so I quickly got rid of him.

This journey to towards my ministry has been so trying, because now that I know that I want to fulfill God's will, Satan's been distracting me and filling my mind with anger and pain. And sometimes I want to forget it all and just focus on the things that I need right now. But, my heart is telling me to focus on God.

I have trials and pain just like everyone else. There are things God is asking me to let go, so He can further my journey forward. But I being so stubborn keep putting it off. Last night, I frustratingly wrote down my prayers to God on post it notes and put them on the side of my desk and went to bed. I shamefully was just waiting for God to fix everything. And then tonight I knelt in sincere prayer asking forgiveness for being irresponsible. If I am to fulfill God's will, I need to go through the refiners fire. I need to stand up to the plate. Here's to a good nights rest and a fresh start tomorrow. There's always tomorrow.

Face to Face with Jesus

I read the most beautiful book over the weekend. My mom gave me the book and told me to read it. So naturally, I binge read it. This book is called Face to Face with Jesus. This book is written by Samaa Habib and she tells her conversion story from Muslim to becoming a Christian. She talks about how she would pray to Allah five times a day and yet she never heard from him. She feared him. She was in a dangerous situation and prayed to God and He answered her and preserved hhiter life. Through a series of events, she has a pure and powerful conversion to Jesus Christ. From then on, she fully devoted her life to her Savior. When at Church, there were five bombs that had been hidden within the building and she was thrown 10 feet into the air. She died, but she met Jesus Christ. She was given a second chance and came back to her mortal body. She endured pain and all sorts of trials, yet her faith in God and in Jesus Christ sustained her life. She was given power to fight against those who sought to rape her and kill her. She was given power to endure through physical pain and operations after the bombing. She prayed and fasted on multiple occasions. She prayed for strength for herself, but she also prayed for her attackers, she prayed for her brothers after they would beat her, she prayed for family and friends. She shared her testimony of Jesus Christ with everyone, EVEN her attackers. This woman is incredible.

This book answered many questions that I had. I've talked to you about wanting to fulfill my ministry. I had been praying for answers from conference to know where to start. That led me to realize that I need to strengthen my relationship with Christ. I've been wanting to find ways that I could be more devoted to my Savior. You know that I love my God more than anything! God and I are a team. But Jesus Christ and I- we could use some work.

Samaa prayed and fasted to know Her Savior more. That's what I need to do. Pray and to know my Savior. How can I fulfill my ministry about the Savior, if I don't know Him better? I want to devote my life to the Savior and to do the Lord's will. But that means a lot of refining. But if Samaa can do it, then I can too, right? If the prophets of old and modern day have done it, I can too, right? Right.

I give this book 5 stars and I highly encourage you to read it! You'll love it!