30 Days

I've written about my struggle with depression and anxiety. Last week I could feel triggers of it and knew that I needed to fight it while I could. But gosh, sometimes it just really hits! I was lying in bed feeling tired and trying to fight the darkness that just wanted to take over. I received a phone notification indicating a new blog post my friend had posted and quickly went to read it. She talked about how she is reading The Book of Mormon in 30 days. It was like a light was turned on in my brain and I decided to do it.

Today marks day 5 of the challenge and I can personally testify that my battle with mental illness has been a breeze. Filling my heart and mind with goodness has been just the medicine to cure the ache inside. I'm learning more about myself, God, and Jesus Christ. The constant reminder of Gods goodness has kept me moving forward. The need for repentance has been a common theme so far and I am realizing just how much I need to continually be repenting. And while sometimes that can be overwhelming, I love that the call for repentance is always followed with a reminder of my Savior.

The goodness continues, stay tuned!

Not Tonight

In the dark of the night, I sat there in her chair and propped my feet up on the ottoman. (I'm chair sitting for a few days for my friend.) I sat there as past trauma re-surfaced. It was unexpected and felt like someone had knocked the breath out of me.

No tears. Absolutely no tears. Just pain. 

I wanted to abandon myself. Go numb and not have a care in the world. But I couldn't. I had to feel and process. I began to speak to myself with love:

I am daughter of the most Divine. I am a experiencing a moment that will help me become more like my Father in Heaven. It's okay for me to feel the pain right now. This is a process. I am not weak. Broken hearts will be mended. I am a Queen. I can do hard things with grace! I am loved.

 I am tired of shaming myself when I begin to feel the pain of trauma. Giving up just pushes me back. It's not worth it to me. But I'm worth moving past it. I don't need to allow those feelings to make me feel defeated.. I'm worth more than that.

It's not the worst. All good things.

New Transition

God stood in the way. I wanted to stay, because it was a familiar place. But God stood in the way. I felt attacked with depression and anxiety. I was confused. I tried everything to make it work. But God stood in the way. Usually He lets me choose. I can feel His gentle hand guiding me. Not this time. He stood in the way and threw me into a whole different situation. The transition was quick and flawless. I only felt homesick my first night, but that quickly went away. I don't know why I am here, but here I am. I'm closer to work. I'm socializing. I feel confident, safe, and loved. A renewed hope and joy has filled my heart. I feel like myself--something I haven't felt in so long. Things have been so much easier. All of this goodness has been so much sweeter after walking a hard path this year.

New transitions in life aren't the worst. Some may be easier than others, but it's these moments that help our development. So whatever your lot, whatever your transitions are, may you remember that they always lead to true greatness. And your God will be there with you.

Beat The Blues: Goals & Anxiety Management

Goal making is something I love. I love to make to-do lists and checking off them as I accomplish them. I make daily, weekly, and long-term goals. The issue is I have very little to no motivation when anxiety and depression hit. I look at my to-do list as a burden. It's hard to find motivation when you feel down. I've learned that it's important to have small goals for the day. Here are a few goals that I do and anxiety management to ensure that I have a good productive day.

• Make your bed! You'd be surprised, but while it may be such a small thing, there is a sense of accomplishment in making your bed every morning. It makes it so that I don't feel tempted to climb back in bed and it looks clean. I love a made bed and I love the feeling of climbing into a made bed at night.
• Make a short to-do list. You don't have energy or motivation to do a lot of things. Don't add to your anxiety, by adding more than you handle. It's not a good idea. Pick simple things to do that you can handle.
• GET. OUTSIDE. If you're like me, you don't want to leave your house. Especially during the winter months, I don't want to go out in the cold. Here's the thing, getting some fresh air and being active can really boost your mood. It's winter here and I have been bundling up in layers and going for a walk. I like a burst of cold crisp air, because it wakes me. I walk for however long I want to (even if it is just a block) and sometimes I listen to music while I walk. You do you. 
• Less screen time. Technology is can be so distracting. It's easy to pull out our smart phones or tablets and binge watch Netflix, check Facebook and Instagram. I'm always guilty of this. But here's the thing, I always feel worse about myself when I'm constantly plugged in. I feel unaccomplished or I compare myself. Turn off the phone, TV, laptops-whatever! Unplug, disconnect, and do something. I used to struggle with FOMO (fear of missing out) and would always check FB or Instagram to see what people were doing with their lives or what is happening in the world. I got to the point where I was either tearing myself down or living vicariously through other people's lives. But that's just it, other people were living their lives and I was just sitting there stalking their social media. Not good. Limit your screen time.
• Make your own meals. There's a feeling of accomplishment when you cook your own meals. Don't opt for fast food. Even if it's throwing everything in a crockpot and turning it on. That's an accomplishment that you  are going to enjoy!
• Take deep breaths/meditation. When my anxiety hits, I tend to shut down. I always have to walk myself through deep breaths. I used to hate mediation, but as I've been doing it everyday for 5-10 minutes, it's helped me slow down and simply be. Even if you're at work or in a public place, just take a few deep breaths. It helps.

There are so many ways in which you can manage your anxiety or have more effective goals when you're dealing with mental illness. We're all in this together, so if you have any tips or tricks go ahead and comment below or send an email. Stay tuned for post 3 of the series tomorrow and have a great day! BBBBBBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Beat The Blues: Food

"Let food by thy medicine." -Hippocrates

Food has always been a hit or miss with me during anxiety/depression. I either want to binge to fill the empty void or I forget to eat. I've found though that I feel a lot worse when I just binge on junk food. While pizza may be a "comfort" food, it doesn't give me the nutrients that I need. In fact, I feel a lot more tired and groggy. It's gotten to the point where I had to get rid of all the junk food and replace them with healthier options. That way if I do binge, I have no choice but to eat what I have. Eating fruits and veggies give me the nutrients that I need and actually help me have more energy. When I put healthier things in my body, I feel a lot happier. I have found that I am able to deal better with my emotions. I recently went to Sprouts Market Place and restocked my cupboard and refrigerator. Below are some pictures of what I usually buy. (Not pictured: Nutritional Yeast)



When anxiety/depression hits, I don't have energy or motivation to make anything to eat. I make sure to stock up on simple and tasty foods that are quick. Avocado toast is a staple for me. It's quick and delicious and filling!

 Avocado Toast

1/2 Avocado

Bread

Olive Oil

Sea Salt

Lemon Pepper

Butter

Toast your bread. Once your bread is toasted, you can add butter or just go straight to adding your avocado. With a fork, smash your avocado onto your toast and then season with your salt and pepper. Finish off by drizzling some olive oil over it and voila! Avocado toast!

I typically add some fresh fruit. It adds both sweetness and color. When I'm feeling down, I like to eat things that are aesthetically pleasing. By adding more color to your plate, it can brighten your mood. I know, it's weird, but it works!

I will be doing a post about essential oils on Thursday, but I wanted to share my Lavender Lemonade recipe. Lavender is naturally calming and relaxing. Funny enough, I'm not a big fan of the scent. I really love lavender lemonade, because it's got the sweetness of lemonade with a hint of lavender. I've found that this is both pleasing and relaxing.

Lavender Lemonade

3 Lemons

6 cups water

1/2 cup Agave Nectar or Honey

1 Drop Lavender Oil

Juice your lemons and add them with the agave nectar to your water. Add 1 drop of lavender oil and stir together. Chill in the refrigerator or pour over ice. Enjoy! (Note: one drop of oil goes a long LONG long way! Don't add more in. It'll taste interesting.)

  

I will be sharing with you more recipes and if you have some that you love, send them in! Check out tomorrow's post all about goals and anxiety management. Stay awesome, kids!

Beat the Blues

You may or may not know, but I struggle with depression and anxiety. Those of you reading this may also struggle with the same thing. I think it's something that has become very common, but it is also very individual. My level of depression and anxiety maybe different than others. There's really no need to compare, we struggle with it.

The month of January, my depression and anxiety tend to kick in at full force and it typically lasts through February. I think a part of that is seasonal depression. While I would choose cold weather over hot weather any day, I still need sunlight. The last few days have been dark and gloomy. I've found my spirits and energy have been lower than usual.

This year, I wanted to make a more effort to beat the blues. I have a created a five part series called "beat the blues" and will be sharing my ways in which I deal with my depression and anxiety, cheer myself up, and have more energy.

For starters, I came across a fairly accurate comic strip about people who struggle with depression and anxiety. Click here to check out the comic strip and the full article. Stay tuned for next Monday for part one of the series!