It's nearly one o'clock in the morning and the dark silence carries on into the wee hours of the night. Here I sit tap-tap-tapping out this post letting the words flow as they may, A free-write if you will.
I'm grateful that it is now November. I love the closing of the year. I love the holidays, especially Thanksgiving. I love family time. I love the transition from fall to winter. I love preparing for and welcoming the new year.
I'm not where I thought I would be at the beginning of 2016, but I praise God for where I'm at now. I feel like I'm becoming more true to myself and tapping into my higher self. I'm seeing things in a different sense. I'm (slowly) embracing myself. I've had my share of bad days, but the good ones always outweigh the bad.
Lately, I've been saying out loud the words, "I forgive myself." I think it's about time I start forgiving myself. It's hard, but I force those three words out. There's power in being vocal. I've also found this when I read my scriptures out loud. I'm not sure what it is exactly, but I feel something different, when I can hear myself voice my forgiveness or reading my scriptures.
I feel like I've taken all the compartments in my brain and dumped the contents out into a big pile. It's messy and there are so many bibs and bobs mixed in with the important things. I'm re-organizing everything. It's overwhelming. It requires lots of naps too. I'm recalling old memories that bring the sweetest joy or the deepest pain. I guess you could say, I'm re-wiring the way my brain functions.
With a new year, comes the unknown. What will accomplish next year? What trials will I face? Blah, blah, blah! I have a love/hate for the unknown. I don't want to think about it, but then I have to think about it, so I can come up with a game plan. Anxiety is too real for me. I like to be prepared for the absolute worst, so it doesn't come as a surprise.
Then there's the election. Don't get me started on that.
Late night thoughts are scattered. It's not the worst.
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